Take Me Home, Ground Control

End of 2016

Hello my smol bean frens.

It's the end of 2016. I am so proud of all of you for surviving another year.

As tumultuous as this year has been, I am proud of myself. My biggest hero passed away in January, and many people I look up to also passed away this year. Things have been different and difficult. I have struggled a lot with my depression, OCD, anxiety, self injury, and anorexia. (I promise this chapter gets happier!) I thought nobody could ever care for me. I've had a lot of struggles this year, and I've been through some difficult situations that I thought would kill me. But here I am. I made it through this year. I started learning steel pans, ukulele, piano, and guitar. I joined a band and orchestra. I bought my first guitar. I got my first girlfriend. I've resolved to consecrate my life to music. I made new friends. And most importantly, I've survived with hope for better days.

Through the hardships of the LGBT community and the scary political state of my country, I've found who I can trust and how to stay safe while standing up for myself and others. I've been out as trans publicly all year. This has been the year where I've felt the most like my authentic self and acted like it shamelessly, even if I have to hide sometimes for my safety and comfort. I am proud of who I have become and how far I've come this year.

Next, I will reflect on the resolutions I created in my other journal at the beginning of this year.

This is what I wrote on January 1st:

-be true to myself always
I've done my best!
-get a guitar
Yes!
-improve my music writing skills
Did it!
-inspire someone to do what they love
-fight for what I believe in
I've spread my opinions on equal rights at school! Yay!
-make it to 2017
I've made it!
-quit self harm
Pretty much there c:
-quit skipping meals
Just about there c:
-not hurt others
Never
-go to college
-sell an album
-publish a book
-find more ambitions to fill those empty dashes
Yep!
-work to be the best person I can be
Still trying!
-not procrastinate
Haha, no. There had to be something...

There's my brief reflection! Though I'm not perfect and nobody really is, I'm doing my best to accept myself and be the best I have the capability to be.

Love ya,
Your proud Internet dad, Carter
He/they
<3 ;