Take Me Home, Ground Control

Maybe a cool duo

Ayyyyyyy fam

Exciting possibility!

I might be doing a performance with a friend pretty soon. She wants to be a choreographer and I want to be a musician so we signed up to audition together in a few weeks for a performance. So it could be me writing and playing a song I wrote then her choreographing to and dancing with it. Like a live musician and dancer duo. We would be friends supporting each other plus getting to do things we love where we can be seen by the world.

Also!

I'm becoming a lot more open about being trans. I'm able to talk about it to pretty much anyone at school which feels like risk but it's pretty nice to not be ashamed.

On another note, I'm pretty sure I'm actually pansexual. I think I used the label asexual because dysphoria about my body prevented me from thinking I could ever even have sex but now I'm realizing I'm probably pan, so that's the label I'm using.

One of my good friends came out as trans this year and has been transitioning. I've known him for years, but now I need to tell my family so they don't misgender him when we hang out.

Ugh, anxiety. I'm selfishly worrying about how they will react knowing that I'm friends with a trans person they knew before his transitioning and my mom will probably start questioning me about myself and I'm an anxious mess. I want to transition but I don't want to talk to my family. See the problem?

I can't avoid telling my family because they need to know my friend is actually a boy who can't be misgendered.

I also am just an anxious mess.

My family doesn't know that almost all of my friends are queer.

ANXIETY.

Happy note: a friend told me I can be a street musician and be great. "You've got a shirt AND pants, you're already ahead" was basically our gibberish for why I'm totally qualified. I actually really really want to be a musician.

And I want to be an artist. And an author. And an activist. Aghhhh I'm super ambitious but anxiety is getting in my way.

MY FRIEND IS GOING TO HELP ME GET A BINDER. YESSSSSSSSSSS.

Also I made a decent packer for myself. Which I haven't worn besides when I'm home alone, but it's reaffirming for me. My homemade binders haven't turned out well so I'm trying to get a safe and good one.

I'm performing Born This Way by Lady Gaga, which is hella gay and great. Also there's a sparkly bra top involved. *don't be a drag, just be a queen*

Boy, are my parents gonna be shocked.

Love ya,
Carter
<3 ;