Take Me Home, Ground Control

Life Updates Before School

Auyyyyyyy

Before school starts I'm gonna share some updates on my life for y'all.

I made an angsty playlist for myself and and I've been listening to it quite a bit lately and adding to it.

I went to tryouts for a performing dance company that's going to a huge convention later in the year and doing monthly performances. I'm certain I got in!

I might be teaching a dance class soon! My director asked if I wanted to teach it because I know the choreography really well and the dance is always performed for our Halloween carnival thing. It'll be no more than 2 months of teaching but I can get volunteer hours probably.

My girlfriend and I are planning to match for homecoming and being *that couple* of course.

I've been talking to brother a lot. He's super great and it's awesome getting to know him more. He knows who he is. *stares from behind my phone screen*

I've been having a lot of conflict with my parents and sibling lately. Summer has been putting us in close contact for extended periods of time. They're still racist, sexist, transphobic, and too hard to live with. It has solidified my plan for moving out when I legally can.

My band hasn't come together yet. Oops!

I'm going to start singing more. I need to develop a half decent voice and fight the dysphoria and anxiety.

I'm still unsure about my gender. I guess I'm nonbinary? I still like he/they pronouns. I still present as masculine and want to do HRT. Being referred to as dude, bro, brother, etc. feels right. I don't identify as male, but I'm okay with being referred to as a guy, I guess? That's the closest people seem to understand and I'm not ready to come out as nonbinary yet so I'm just out as FtM. Transmasculine is the label I like the most with nonbinary. I'm not a girl or a boy. I'm just a person. And I want to be seen as a masculine person.

I used a male public restroom and I wasn't alone in there for the first time. It was at school, there was a trans guy in there with me, and I'm not a boy, but still. Nobody questioned it.

I hate the concept of passing even more.

Still hating that the stereotype for nonbinary people is to look androgynous/vaguely masculine. That's how I want to present but not what should be expected.

I want to start a new way of educating people about the LGBTQIAPP+ community. I'm deciding as I type this that I'm going to talk to our GSA advisor about starting a giant public project to educate.

I want to join another orchestra. Save me from myself.

I love Phil Collins. He's so talented. Go listen to Phil Collins and Genesis.

I made a binder, which I'll talk about in the next chapter. Also, I'll talk about my experiences with DIY packing and underwear next chapter.

I'm going to email my teachers about being trans and my name/pronouns.

I want to see a doctor so I can talk to them about transitioning medically.

I want a haircut! I'm thinking about doing something like Brendon Urie's hair. And dyeing it black. For a first ever haircut I might just go for shoulder length hair. We'll see what happens because it's super curly.

I don't know what I want to go to college for. I don't know if I'm going to college or if I can go to college. I want to make a lot of money to afford medically transitioning to feel better. I also want to do something I love so I feel good about my life. Those two things have very little overlap and it's hard to find a way to do both. It's like I have to pick medical care that helps me be myself or a job that makes me happy. And I can't choose.

I want to publish a book young so can get at least a little money from it. And I want to sell art too. And be a street musician. And get an actual job.

I got really into Stephen King's books. I have a whole shelf of them now.

I'm still a poet at heart.

Stay safe<3

I'm gonna change the world someday.

If you could travel anywhere where would you go?
If you could live in any time period, when would you go?

Love ya,
CC
<3 ;