Don't Let Go || Liam Payne

14: Alone

“Sweetie, come down for dinner,” my dad told me, poking his head into my room.

“I’m sleeping,” I muttered, rolling over and pulling up the covers.

“You haven’t left your bed in two days. Come on. Downstairs now.”

“I said I’m sleeping,” I repeated. “I’m tired.”

“Yeah? Well so am I. We are all tired Jessica. But you can’t stay in here for the rest of your life.”

“I can try.”

“Well the funeral is tomorrow. It would be nice if you’d attend.”

With that he left, shutting the door behind him. I glared in his direction even though he couldn’t see me. At least I had another day before I actually had to get up and go outside. If I had it my way I’d just stay inside for the rest of my life. What was the point of doing anything? I just had no motivation at all.

There was a knock on my door. “Go away,” I ordered.

“Jess, can I come in?” Liam called back.

“I want to be alone.”

He came in anyways. I rolled my eyes. Does no one listen to my requests?

“Do you know what alone means?” I asked.

“I do, but you’ve been alone for days. At times like this loneliness isn’t always the best thing.” He sat on the edge of my bed.

“I don’t want you to see me,” I said, covering my head with my blankets. “I look ugly and hopeless.”

He removed the blankets from my face. “You look beautiful.”

“Get out.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to live the rest of your life in your bedroom? You don’t want to talk to anyone about this?” he asked.

“I just never imagined it would feel like this,” I admitted. “We all knew it was coming. We all knew there wouldn’t be a happy ending to Aria’s story, but it just hurts so much.” My eyes watered as I spoke, and I recovered my face with the sheets.

“I know,” Liam said, rubbing my back soothingly.

“No you don’t.” I removed the sheets from my face once again so he could see the irritated expression on my face. “You don’t know. You can’t possibly know. I saw her die. I was holding her hand as her heart stopped beating. The last words she spoke were spoken to me. I was with her every day at that hospital. I was by her side every moment I possibly could be, but not then. Not when she really needed me. I wasn’t there when she finally broke, and where was I? With you. I was off having fun while my sister’s luck ran out. If we hadn’t rushed there in such a timely fashion I would have never gotten to say goodbye.”

He looked at me with a pained expression. He clearly felt bad, almost guilty maybe.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I just want to be left alone, okay? Please.”

“For how long?”

“Just….alone,” I repeated. He sighed and eventually made his way toward the door. I turned around and covered myself with the blankets more. My back faced the door, but I didn’t hear it open.

“You know, Aria was an incredible person. You’re not the only one who knew that. You’re not the only one who’s hurting, and you’re not the only one who wants to lie in bed all day depressed. You have a family who’s going through the same thing that you are. They need you, and clearly you need them too. Okay?”

I didn’t respond. I didn’t even look at him. I just waited for the door to eventually open and close as he exited my room and left me there alone as I had asked. Alone without anyone to talk to. Alone to muse in my own thoughts of despair. Alone to sit there wondering what I would’ve been doing if Aria was still there. Alone to contemplate what she was doing at that very moment, up there with all the other people in my life who were no longer alive. My great grandparents, my Uncle John, my grandmother on my father’s side. Everyone all in the same place. I could only imagine what it was like. I could only picture her smiling face, her laugh, her voice, her positive attitude. But picturing it didn’t help a single bit. Thinking of Aria only made the pain worse. It only intensified to the point where I didn’t want to do anything at all. I wanted to stay there for the rest of my life in that bed. There in that bed I couldn’t grow close to anyone. I couldn’t love anyone else, and if I had no one to love then I had no one to cry over when they’re gone.

All I knew was that this seemed unbearable, and if it’s possible to die of a broken heart then I wasn’t sure how much longer I had left.

AUTHORS NOTE

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Let me know what you think of tis chapter please because honestly im not so sure :p it's kind of short. heh sorry. thank you somuch for reading and I love you!!! <3