Don't Let Go || Liam Payne

20: Word Vomit

I sat in my own room now, the paper between my fingers. I flipped it over, running my thumb along the edge. Along the seal. Along the tear on the top left corner.

How long had these been there? How long ago had she written them and hidden them there? How long ago did she give up for real?

“You alright?” Liam asks, knocking gently on my door. Another tear tumbles down my cheek, and I shake my head. He looked sorry, and he came in and sat down next to me.

“I don’t want to open it,” I say to him. “I don’t….want to be disappointed.”

“How could you be disappointed?”

“What if she wrote something that changes the way I think about everything? The way I think about Aria and this whole…explosion?”

“But what if it changes for the better?” he counters. I take a deep breath and look back down at the envelope in my hands. For Jessie.

“I’m gonna open it,” I tell him. “And I want to be the only one who reads it. But I don’t want to read it alone.”

He smiles slightly and nods. “Then I won’t leave.”

“Thank you.”

I sat cross legged, facing him. I used my index finger and slid it under the seal. I was careful, like I didn’t want to rip or ruin something Aria had left for me. I took the paper out and unfolded it. It was messily creased in three, and I tried to flatten it out to no avail.

I could feel Liam’s eyes on me as I held the paper so he couldn’t see. And then, I started to read.

Dear Jessie, my favorite older sister,

I’m sure you found this letter because you were cleaning out my dresser. And if you were cleaning out my dresser, it probably means that by this point in time cancer has won. I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life grieving over me. And I know you. That’s how you are. You’ve spent enough years on me already. Don’t waste any more.

I’m sure there’s a lot of talking about me right now. I’m sure there’s a lot of crying, especially from Mom. I’m not asking that you forget me, because let’s be honest, that’s not happening. I’m only asking that you don’t remember me as the weak, frail girl lying on that hospital bed. I want you to remember me as Aria.

You knew me probably better than anyone else, Jess. If anyone can remember me as Aria, good old Aria, not sick cancerous Aria, it’s you.

I want you to be happy. I want you to go off to college and do whatever you want. Be successful, take the world by storm. Find a decent man and marry the fuck out of him. Be happy. You sure as hell deserve it.

I’m not sure how the whole heaven thing works, but if I can I’ll do my best to look out for you. Ella too. And Mom and Dad of course. Assuming I’ll go to heaven. Maybe not.

Just in case I don’t, take good care of Mom and Dad, and most importantly Ella. She’s fragile. You know that. I hope she’s okay, and I have no doubt that you’ll stick by her. Look out for her. She’s young, and young hearts are scarred the easiest.

 Thank you for being there through it all. I love you. I’m lucky to be your sister, and most of all I’m proud. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for never letting go.

Love,

Aria.

I folded up the letter and placed it back in the envelope. I turned it over to see the words scrawled across the front in her curlicue handwriting. For Jessie.

“It’s like she never left,” I say, almost smiling through my tears. Liam pulled me into a hug, and I cried into his shoulder.

The letter was so her. It was every bit of her. It made it bittersweet in so many ways.

Liam lay there with me for a good hour, just toiling with my hair as I eventually calmed down. It was nice, and I never wanted him to leave. Not just leave my house, but leave my life. I never wanted to be without him. I needed him, and I couldn’t even tell if he knew that. If he did, he couldn’t possibly know to what extent.

“Why are you still here?” I ask him. He stopped playing with my hair and looked down at me. I listened to his heartbeat.

“Did you want me to leave?”

“No,” I say, cuddling closer to him. “I mean, why are you still here? I’m a wreck. I’m an emotional disaster. I’m crying like, every single time we hang out. I’ve probably ruined every shirt you own. My mood changes about every five minutes. One second I’m happy, the next I’m in tears. You’re an international pop star, and I’m a boring, regular girl with a broken family and a lot of baggage. Why are you still here?”

He smiles and goes back to fiddling with my brown locks.

“Regular is what I do best,” he repeats from the first time he asked me on a date. It made me smile, but it didn’t answer my question in the slightest.

“Seriously.”

“Why would I leave you when you need me most?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I guess I just can’t figure out why you even care in the first place. Is it pity? Because you don’t need to feel bad for me. I hate it when people-”

He cuts me off with a kiss, a practice he’s seemingly gotten used to.

“It’s not pity,” he whispers in my ear. It sent shivers up my spine.

“Then what is it?” I ask in all my stupidity. He looks at me, as if I should know. And a part of me did, but a part of me wasn’t sure how he felt. But I knew how I felt. And the more I thought about it, the more I knew it was true.

And all at once, it came out. Like word vomit. Unable to stop. It’s like someone took the only thought in my brain at that moment and forced it out of my lips.

“I love you.”

 AUTHORS NOTE

AWWW! I love you guys so much for reading my story c: Also, don't forget to VOTE for Don't Let Go in the One Direction Watty Awards (link on my message board). It would mean so much if you guys could help me win, and you can vote once a day!!! so keep voting please! :D I would've updated sooner (ive actually had this chapter written for a few days) but ive been a bit busy >.< I threw my friend a surprise party so that was taking up quite a lot of time with planning and all that. I'm back now though! AND I HIT 1.5K FOLLOWERS THANKS SO MUCH ILYSM<3 you should also listen to the song on the side because it gives me feels and i listen to it when it's raining and its beautiful and fabulous and fucking memories and feels man :3 ignore me xD Poison and Wine by The Civil Wars. And I hope you liked this chapter :) thanks for reading<3 x