Don't Let Go || Liam Payne

15: Kind Words

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Aria was such a strong girl.”

“She will always stay in our hearts.”

“Aria will be missed.”

“She was so brave, such an inspiration.”

These are what I had been hearing nonstop. Ever since I got to the funeral people had been coming up to me and my family. Of course it was expected. This is what happens when your sister dies, but I hated it. No amount of kind words could change what happened. All they did was dwell on it. And the way that they said these things, like they’re feeling as much pain and suffering as I was. As my family was. It’s infuriating. Half of the people attending hadn’t seen Aria in years. Yet there they were, acting as if she meant the world to them. Aria meant a lot of things to a lot of people, but not what these people are claiming.

I stood now by the casket, my hand holding tightly to Ella’s. Everyone who’d ever known Aria was gathered around on this bitter winter day. My mother could hardly hold it together as she spoke.

“When your father and I brought you home, we never would’ve suspected this. You were always such a happy little girl. You would leave your handprints on every window and always get into trouble somehow. Of course no one could ever stay mad at you,” she began, smiling a bit. It quickly vanished as she continued. “We never thought you would leave us so soon. Ever since you were brought into this world, Aria, you’ve done nothing but bring joy and happiness to our lives. Fourteen is too young. Much too young for a goodhearted, smart, brave, and incredibly strong person like yourself. I guess one could say that now, after you’re gone, you’ve left your handprint on all of us. As a mother it’s my job to teach things to my daughters, but instead you have taught our entire family what it means to never give up and for that I am grateful. I am so proud of you, Aria. More than you will ever know. Nothing will ever be the same here without your bravery to hold us together, but at least we can know you are no longer suffering.”

She looked like she would’ve said more, but she didn’t seem able to go on. I watched as my mother completely broke down in sobs, practically choking on her own words as my father held her.

“Jessica,” my uncle muttered, nodding at the place where my mother had just stood. “You had a few things to say?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. I had a lot to say, but I would make this short. I gave Ella’s hand a squeeze before leaving her with my uncle and removing the small stuffed bear from my coat pocket. I gave it to Aria when she first entered the hospital years ago. It was cute and brown with a little orange t-shirt, the color symbolizing leukemia awareness. Every time she’s ever gone into the hospital, the bear has been with her. She cherished it so I figured, what better token of remembrance? There’s a million things I could’ve placed alongside my sister as she was put to rest, but I chose this little children’s toy for reasons I can’t explain.

“I remember the day she was brought home,” I said. I caught Liam's eye. He was standing to the side with the other four boys paying close attention. He shot me a sad, encouraging smile only for me to look away. “I had never had a sister before. I didn’t know what to think. Mostly all siblings fight and bicker and don’t get along at times.  But with Aria and I, it was different. Aria…she wasn’t only my sister, she was my best friend. There’s a lot she won’t get to do in life and a lot I won’t get to teach her. But she was the strongest person I’ve ever known, and she kept me strong too.”

I looked down at my lifeless sister lying there in her casket. I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks as I gently placed the teddy bear in with her.

“Thank you for not letting go for so long. I love you, Aria,” I muttered, wiping my eyes as I hide my face. Little Ella tugged on the hem of my black dress, looking up at me with those adorable blue eyes of hers.

“Jessie,” she said, holding up a paper to me. I took it and unfolded it to find a drawing made of crayon. One girl had short blonde hair, and the other had no hair at all. They stood side by side smiling and holding hands. The sight made me cry even more, but I viciously wiped away the drops.

“Did…did you want to give this to Aria?” I managed to ask her. She nodded and I handed it back to her, leading her over to the casket. She looked down and placed the paper beside the bear. I bit my lip to keep from sobbing. Ella stood there a moment longer, just looking down at Aria’s unresponsive body. She turned around and gripped my leg, burying her face in my clothes. She was crying, I could tell. My parents came over to assist, but I picked up Ella and told them I had it under control. I walked over to a more secluded area as they shut the casket and lowered my little sister into the ground.

“Aria never got better,” Ella wailed. No one could hear us from where we stood. “You said that stuff that made her throw up would make her get better but it didn’t.”

“Ella,” I said gently as she cried into my shoulder.

“What’s wrong with her? What are they doing to her?”

 Before I could respond to this difficult question, Liam came up beside me with a sympathetic expression.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Um…” I was caught speechless for a moment. “Ella, go on and help Mom and Dad. They need you right now.” I wiped away the tears covering her plump cheeks as she nodded and ran off to join our parents.

“How are you doing?” Liam asked once Ella was gone.

“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “It’s weird to have the whole family here…without her. It’s just strange to think that now I only have one sister to look after. I can’t…” I trailed off, holding back tears. Liam pulled me into a hug. A much needed one at that.

“Everything is going to be okay,” he told me. And I didn’t even have the energy to argue, so I didn’t. I just stood there in Liam’s arms and for a moment, I almost believed his words.

But then I remembered that I would never again see Aria’s smile or the way that her eyes lit up a room or how she always puts others before herself. I would never see any of that again because I would never see Aria again. Not in this life, at least.  I would never again have two sisters. I would never again hold her hand through chemo. I would never again hear her tell me not to let go, and I would never get to promise her that I wouldn’t.

“I can’t believe she’s really gone,” I sobbed truthfully. And Liam only attempted to soothe my cries.

It’s not fair that Aria had to die so young. It’s not fair that little Ella has to grow up so fast. It’s not fair that my parents must see their fourteen year old daughter’s funeral. It’s not fair that cancer exists, and it’s not fair that there’s absolutely nothing that can be done to stop it.

It’s all just unfair, and I hated it. All of it. Every single bit of it. I hated cancer, I hated life, and I hated the way the world was.  I hated it and I wanted nothing to do with it. I just wanted my sister back.

I just wanted Aria back.

AUTHORS NOTE

ugh this chapter was hard to write :/ please let me know what you think! sorry this took so long. Love you and thanks for reading<3 x