Merle's hidden Daughter

losing your sanity

We all stood there, waiting on Olivia to open the garage door to where we held everything. I kept my head low and heard her mumble "Hi". Everyone followed her to the back and Negan stopped Rick, "I just want to point out were not taking any of your food, slim pickins. And I cant be the only to notice, you have a fat lady in charge of your food. So either way, you starve to death I dont get shit. So for now you get to keep all the food. How bout that?" Negan states and I scoff. Not only was he disrespecting people in my group but he was being a fucking duchebag and he needed to be taken down a whole lot of notches. Negan turned his head so he could see me behind Rick and glared at me, "What do you want me to say" Ricks growls out annoyed and pissed as well. "I dont know Rick, how about a thank you? Is that in order or is that to much to ask!" He snapped in Ricks face and I was trying my best not to hit him knowing somebody else would be punished for it. Negan chuckles after a moment of silence and begins backing up, "I know we started off on the wrong foot, what can I say you forced my hand Rick. But its like ive been trying to tell you, im a very reasonable man as long as you cooperate so let me ask you a question Rick. Are you cooperating?" He speaks with a smug ass smirk. Rick looks down for a second before looking back up, "Whats it look like" Rick states more then asks.

Negan chuckles before stepping closer to Rick again, "I know what it looks like, but what I really want to know is if were going to find all the guns back there or if youve got a few just waiting for their moment. Just like my Lucille" He states, "There all in the, to the best of my knowledge" Rick sighs his head tilting to the side. "Mmm I am counting on that Rick" He grins showing his tongue before turning around and heading in, Rick following him. I stay where I am as they haul out our guns, I had managed to sneak the one I had found on the run and hidden in the front incase of emergencies. I kept my hands placed to the side of me, hoping that nobody would notice the gun tucked under my shirt, sense the shirt now had become so baggy on me. I ended up sitting on the steps with Carl as Negan watches his servants load our guns away, I turn and look at Carl, he was staring angrily at the baby monitor in his hands. I scoot forward and gasp, Judith was so big, she could hold herself up. "Shes so beautiful Carl" I sigh staring at her as she sat in her crib playing with her toys. He just nods, that same pissed off expression on his face. "Hey, how can you look like that while looking at her?" I ask bumping his shoulder lightly, "I like Enid" He states looking up at me quickly, it threw me off and I sat there for a minute just staring at him.

He kept his eyes on me waiting for a response, "Ohh......Kay....." I stated unsure what he wanted me to say. "Like as in like like, we kissed and everything" He added. "Congrats, whats that number two?" I try to joke, he gives me a dirty look before stomping off, "Whatever" I mumble and shrug looking over to see everybody doing something so I took this time to go sit with Judith, I missed her so much and I wanted to see her before I leave. After a while of playing and changing her I left closing the door quietly knowing she was passed out, Negan seen me and motioned me over. "Were heading out soon, be ready" He states as his hand holds my shoulder tightly, I stare past him to see Noah"s grave, I had put the ring he was planning on giving me tied to a teddy bear on his grave. Negan turned and followed my gaze, before I ripped out of his hold and ran to his grave. I dropped onto my knees at the grave and took a deep breath, as my eyes closed and memories of him came flooding back and I could feel the tears streaming down my face, I was not ok and I needed Noah, and then the memory of him giving me the ring and asking me to become his wife came back and I choked on a sob letting my head hit the dirt as i squeezed the bear tightly in my arms, when his 'grave' was marked I decided to keep the ring with the bear on the grave so I could always come back to it but now that Negan is forcing me to leave again I cant leave it.

I quickly slide the ring in my pocket and sat on my knees staring at the dirt where I knew his body wasnt, "Noah im so sorry, I shouldve went with you, to keep you alive. I-I promised to answer your question when you came back from the run-" I started crying harder. "-Yeah I will be your wife Noah" I cried out. Somebody started clapping slowly and I quickly wiped my face, surely smearing dirt on it before I turned to see Negan and my heart stopped. He was laughing so hard he had to bend over to catch his breath, I stood up slowly trying not to fall from the lack of energy all this crying caused. Once he regained his composure he looked at the bear in my arms and scowled at it, "NO" He snapped stomping over and ripping it from my hands throwing it onto the dirt, "Fuck him and lets go!" He snapped. I ripped my hand away from his and ran as fast as I could over to Rick crashing into him, hugging him tight. He dropped his head tears falling and hugged me tightly to, I didnt want to leave, to loose them. Next I walked over and hugged Carl ignoring Enid as she stared worried. I hugged everyone who I actually cared for before Negan ripped me by my shirt from hugging Rick again and pulled me, exposing my gun just enough to only Rick and his eyes widened and I pulled my shirt down and climb in the van with all of 'his' new supplies, before the door shut in my face blocking me from seeing them. "Let her stay" I could hear Rick tell Negan, "hell no! She ain't ever leaving her new home, got her a nice bed, pretty dresses!" Negan states laughing and I feel the bile rise. "She needs me! She needs me to help her, she has things that need attention" Rick snaps, "who grew some balls? No Rick, she's just fine with me, trust me she gets plenty of my attention" He states before laughing "stop looking at me like that Rick" I hear Negan snap, so i know he had to imply it in a sexual way.

I didnt want to be kept in the back with everything they stole from my group, my family. I started going through everything when I found my old photo book, I had stolen glens camera and was taking pictures with everybody, everybody I ever cared for was in there. Glen, Lori, Sophia, Dale, Tdog, Hershel, Beth, Noah. I stopped staring at mine and Noahs picture as tears formed and I closed the book, holding it tightly. I sat there for the rest of the drive, holding onto the book and remembering how they all looked when I had to say goodbye. I was not going to let Negan get away with this, Somehow for some reason Negan was different with me. He had more patience and got more jealous and I didnt know how to start breaking the news. Something that was going to change everything, it was either going to be amazing or horrible. But I was going to tell Negan about me being immune, I was scared but I hoped that I could fix everything. The drive there I kept my eyes closed, as tears fell nonstop and the memories continued. They wouldnt stop and I was worried, they never would. "Daddy?" I ask hearing my dads annoying voice. "Get ya ass up, what do you think your doing being somebodies bitch?" He snapped, "Im sorry, but I cant beat him!" I cry out. "Wipe them tears and be strong, youve lost your balls, babygirl" He chuckles.

I cant help but giggle at that, my father never did think of me as a girl, he raised me as a guy, a protector and thats exactly what I was going to become. "I love you daddy" I speak as I wipe my tears. "I love you to, take care of Ol Darlina for me babygirl" He speaks. "I will-" I stop speaking when I look back up and see hes gone. The truck stops moving and I hold the book tighter and stand, wiping any last sign of tears away. The door opens and I put my hand over my eyes, blocking the sudden light. "Well look who survived the ride!" I hear Negan shout. I roll my eyes and jump down, ignoring the hand he had put out to help me down. I made sure to slam my shoulder against his as I grabbed Daryls hand and led him to the room Negan had given me.