Fixing You

Closure

Chapter 14

Closure

Four years of running away from feelings and my broken self, four years of denying and admitting my fault, four years of forgetting and moving on, now here I am slowly walking to the only reason of all of it.

Parang kailan lang sa aking alaala nang iniwan ko siya sa islang ito, malinaw na malinaw pa sa aking utak ang kanyang galit. It feels like yesterday, sariwang sariwa pa rin ang lahat. Hindi ko pa rin makakalimutan ang kanyang pag ayaw at pagtaboy sa akin. I wanted her back so, so much but she did not feel the same.

Naalala ko pa lahat ng masasakit na salitang sinabi niya. I could still feel how my knees hurt because I knelt infront of her condo for so long but ended being rejected. Sa pagkakataon na iyon ay alam ko na ang sagot ng aking pagsusumamo. Ayaw na niya sa akin. Kasalanan ko rin naman, kasalanan ko ang lahat, alam ko. If I did not leave her here in Signayan, siguro ay may pamilya na rin kaming dalawa. Maybe we are already living the happily ever after life but life happened and now her we are, gone back on being strangers with too many painful memories.

Ang kanyang sampal apat na taon ang nakalipas ang nagmulat sa akin ng lahat, masyado na pala akong nagpakatanga para lang bumalik siya sa akin. To the point that I lost myself in the process. I went abroad to move on and to forget her, it is so easy to distract yourself by working so hard almost 24/7 or by partying till the sun sets on. But at the end, you still find yourself crawling back to the feeling you were used to feel, loving her just like how you breathe air.

Pinagod ko lang ang sarili ko at nilustay ko lang ang pera ko sa apat na taon na malayo ako sa bansang ito. Sa bawat kapiraso ng aking pagkatao ay siya ang naalala ko kaya wala ding kwenta ang manitili sa bansa malayo kung nasan siya.

I went home with my chin's up, shouting that I have finally moved on but the truth is, I am still on the process.

Hipokrito na kung hipokrito pero ayokong bumalik dito sa Pilipinas na katulad pa rin nang umalis ako. I wanted to move on so hard that I agreed with all my parent's condition. I wanted to forget so hard that I came back to the place where we once own, to the place where we first met and the place where we last parted. This place has my broken pieces, I thought picking it all up and trying to fix it on my own would help me but I was wrong. Kailangan mo pala ng kasama and Blair is a great one to be that. Sa kakaunting oras ay nasanay ako sa kanya, she was a breath of fresh air. It was all damn fine not until I saw this woman again.

Seeing her again is like trigger to all of me. Mabuti nalang ay nandiyan si Blair. Seriously, I don't really know what will I do if she doesn't exist in my life now. Bawat hakbang ko papunta kay Christen ay pabigat ng pabigat ang aking loob, like in any minute, it will explode!

Iilang hakbang nalang papalapit sa kanya ay bigla na siyang nagsalita.

"What are you doing here?" the sharpness on her voice never escaped my ear. Para bang may malalim na galit sa kanyang tono. I almost shivered realizing, she was still angry.

Halos hindi ko mahanap ang boses ko na kailangan ko pang tumikhim, rinig na rinig ko ang lakas ng pagtibok ng aking puso. Damn it.

"Uhh, binibisita ang Secret Paradise?"

Gusto kong batukan ang sarili ko sa aking sagot. I sounded like I'm in doubt, damn it!

Ngayong mas malapit ako ay ngayon ko lang narealize na naka swim suit pala si Christen. Her porcelain skin shouts regality with that red bikinis. Nakita ko rin ang iilang butil ng tubig na umaagos mula sa kanyang dibdib patungo sa ibaba pero ang kanyang muhka at ang kanyang buhok ay hindi pa basa.