I'm just trying to BE right

To Be Continued...

"Hey Jay" said Tracey when she opened the door. I kissed Tracey and took her to the couch. I started to talk to Tracey and told her about the argument. As I said before Tracey is so easy to talk to. I told Tracey that we no longer could have sex but, we could be very good friends. She agreed because she wanted to be a better sister. As I was talking to Tracey, I realized that all the drama going on between Brenda and I are pointless and needs to stop. I love Brenda! I never wanted to hurt her. However, I see that all i did was hurt her. I stood up and said "I got to go, thanks" and ran out the door and got in the car. I called Brenda and she did not answer. On my way home I kept thinking about all the mistakes in my life and I realized that my life is shit. The only good thing I have ever done in my life other than having my kids is marrying Brenda. I know that and I have always known that. Yea I know what happened the night before the wedding but I still love her. I called Brenda again and still she did not answer. I then drove into our neighborhood and pulled in the garage. I sat in the garage for a minute thinking of how Brenda would react. Would she leave me? I couldn't blame her if she did. Or would she stick with me? There was even the possibility that would not even try to hear me.  I stepped out the car and grabbed my phone. I walked in the house and notice the clear silence. I went into the nursery and looked at the babies. I admired the way they looked like their mother but, still had my complexion. I heard something drop in the bathroom. I walked away from the cribs and closed the door quietly. I walked into thew bedroom. I could tell that Brenda had just cleaned up. The room smelled of lavender and the bed looked so clean and comfy. She was playing r&b music.  Then I walked in the bathroom and saw her cleaning. She looked at me as if I had scared her. "Damn, I didn't even know you came in. Well I didn't even know you were coming home tonight" she said in disgust. I put my phone on the counter and said "12-04-90". "What?" she said. "My phones code is your birthday and also I want you to put your fingerprint in it" I replied. She looked as if she had mixed feelings. She didn't smile, but she didn't frown either. "That's good to know Jay, but I don't want your code, I want to trust you." she said in a hopeful way looking in my eyes. I put my hand on my face and said "Baby, I'm so sorry". I got on my knees to get to the same eye level as Brenda and said you are the best thing that ever happened to me. No other woman can ever amount to you. I thank God literally every morning for you. I thank him for being the busy wife you are. I thank him because you are such a great mother. You take care of our kid pretty much on your own without one complaint. I am sorry for leaving you the tasks of being a father and mother.  I thank him for having you as my best friend and my heart. I love you beyond all the words Im saying. I love you Brenda Payne!" The tears were running down her face and she grabbed on to me. I held her close, probably as close as I ever have. We sat there, the two of us, crying and holding each other. As cliche' as it is, it was the most comfortable I have ever felt. I was there in the hands of my lover.