Remember Me (Jack Maynard)

Chapter 9

"Okay, I think I'm supposed to say 'cut' here, so.... cut!" I said as soon as I hit the button for the camera to stop recording.

Joe was filming a collab video with Oli for the upcoming week, so I agreed to help film for them. This was another old routine of mine, so doing it was helpful, and besides, it was giving me something to focus on that wasn't Jack.

It's been a couple days since I left Jack outside the flat, and I haven't spoken to him since. He's left a million calls on my phone, as have Conor and Josh, but I've ignored all of them. It was easier this way, Jack would see that eventually. He just had yet to.

"Boom, all done," Oli said with a smile. 

"Thanks for helping us out, Mel," he said.

"No problem," I said, "that's what I'm here for. The filming part, not the cleaning up after. That's all on you two."

"Yep, she hasn't changed that much," Oli said with a small giggle.

"Mel, something's bugging you," Joe said then, staring at me intently.

"I'm fine," I said with a small shrug. "I don't know what you're on about."

"Amelie Isabelle you can't fool me," Joe said. "I can see it on your face. Now come sit down and tell us what's on your mind."

"Is it Jack?" Oli asked as I slowly took a seat next to them. "Did he do something?"

"No, it's nothing he did," I said.

"What do you mean it's nothing he did?" Oli asked then.

"Well, I did it," I said, and both of their eyes widened in confusion.

"Did what?" Joe asked.

So I spilled and told them everything.

"I had a memory the other night," I confessed. "It was all of us at the old flat you lived in with Caspar. I don't know how long ago it was, but I'm assuming I lived with Jack, Conor, and Josh then. Anyways, I was really drunk, so Jack helped me upstairs. He held me when I got sick, and then got us in bed and took care of me until I fell asleep."

"Mellie, that's great," Joe said, "I don't see what the problem is."

"That's not the problem," I continued on. "So when I woke up, I couldn't fall back asleep, so I called Jack instead. He came and picked me up, and we went for a drive. Talked about the memory, and he told me a story of his own. The story of our song, Cars Full of People."

"That is a great song," Oli agreed.

"I just could see on his face how hard this all was for him. I'm breaking him, guys. I might not remember everything that I lost. I might not remember anything further than this. It's not me he's in love with, it's her. Whoever Amelie was before getting in the accident and leaving me in her place. She's dead and gone."

"Don't say that," Joe said, shaking his head. "We're going to unlock everything, Mel, you'll see. We've just gotta have faith that this will work."

"But what if it doesn't?" I said then. "I might never return to how I was. Jack may never get his girlfriend back, and I can't have him staying with me out of pity and hopefulness for himself to have him one day resent me because I'm not the girl he fell in love with."

"But you are," Oli said then. "Mel you've changed, that's true. It's been five years, we've all changed. But deep down, we're still the same, and that's what makes us us. This is about how you were when we first met you. Jack fell for you as you are now. He's still in love with the girl you were before the accident, yes. But he fell in love with you first."

I shook my head then. "It's no use, with me just hurting him like this. I told him that, about how I couldn't keep doing this to him. It's only going to break him in the end if we continue like this. It'll just be easier if we go back to how things used to be. I can find my way, and continue my routines. It'll be like the last few years never happened. Which is easy, because for me, they haven't."

"Destruction," Joe muttered.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"This isn't smart, Mel." he said. "You're destroying yourselves. You're destroying the both of you. You need him, whether you know you do or not. Jack's going to drive himself mad without you, and you're eventually going to realize that you're missing something. He's what you'll be missing. You really do need him if there's ever hope for things to get better."

"But it's like I said," I assured him, "what if there is no hope? I can learn to go about a different routine, I can do something different with my life. What if there's some big screwup along the way that got me to where I am now? I can change that, and do something different. I can start fresh. This can even be good for me."

"If that's your choice," Joe said. "then I can't stop you. If you want to leave Jack worrying if he'll ever see you again, and wondering how to continue his life with the gaping hole of you missing, then I can't stop you. I can't say I agree with it, because I sure as hell don't. But I need to be supportive of you in this time, and that's exactly what I'll do. I'll support you in any way you need me to."

"Thank you," I said, still noting Oli's silence next to us.

This would be good for us.

Jack could move on. Find a girl who can love him the way that I can't anymore. He can be happy again, finally. That's all I want for him. That's all I want for all of us.

Happiness.