Full Speed Ahead (AQMA Sequel)

16 - Losing My Way

* * *

"You really did it?" I asked, in shock.

Mum smiled and nodded her head as she squeezed our hands lightly. After our little reunion we sat together at the dining table and had lunch together, mum had organised this the moment she found out we were coming to see her. I had to admit that it was really sweet of her.

"I knew it was time." She said, as she looked over at Alena.

"How did he take receiving the papers?" I asked before taking a sip of water from my cup.

She shook her head as she let out a tired sigh, "He's not happy about the divorce but he knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on."

"Has he signed them yet?"

Mum just shook her head in denial. She looked over at Alena who was still chewing her food slowly as she watched us. I watched on as mum moved Alena's hair away from her face, placing it behind her ear before leaning over to kiss Alena on the top of her head.

"Thank you so much for giving me this chance. I won't let you girls down." She whispered as her voice broke. I watched on as her eyes got glassy. I knew she was about to start crying. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I watched my mum try to keep her composure.

"I was so blinded by what I knew was love. Mix that with the drugs and it's game over" she went on to add. I looked over at Alena whose eyes kept alternating between mum and I. Alena's eyes stayed glued to mine, I could tell she was surprised about mum's confession in front of her.

It's as if mum could hear the concerns, "It's time you knew Alena. You're old enough." She stated firmly. For a second, I felt ashamed that I thought shielding Alena was the right thing. However, my mum was right. Alena was ten, soon to be eleven. She was at an age where she knew right from wrong, good from bad. Mum seemed to have more faith in Alena than I did. It was enough to make me feel deflated.

"How did you know it was love?" I asked, as I bit my lip nervously.

She smiled as she grabbed my hand with both of her, linking our fingers together.

"He was all I could think about, day and night. Even at the beginning when we weren't dating, if I saw him talking to another girl I'd get ridiculously jealous. Every time I saw him, my heart would skip a beat or I'd have butterflies in my stomach. No matter what I was thinking about, my thoughts would always move to him."

I sat there as I contemplated her words. They were a little too close to home for me, but I refused to think about any of that. It wasn't the time or place. Deep down I was also hoping my mum would open up about our father, Drew and those letters, but I didn't want to overload her with too much so I had to choose my conversations carefully.

"There's so much you need to know." She whispered. I maintained eye contact with her as she tried to decide if we should know or not. I could see it in her eyes, it was all about to come out.

"Words can't describe how terrible I feel. I know I wasn't there for you both. I wasn't there to protect you from him-"

"Despite everything, when he hit us, you still tried to jump in and protect us." I interrupted.

Yes, my mum did drugs and wasn't the greatest mother on earth. However, there were times when she jumped in front of us to protect us. She may not remember but I wasn't going to pretend it didn't happen. She didn't protect us all the time though. It got to the point where the drugs took over and she chose them over us. Ultimately giving Henry more power over us.