Unbroken

All Your Hate

(ASHLEY’S POV)

“Let her go, but stay near in case I need you,” Carter said to me and the guards.  “I will yell if I need you,” She said, interrupting my protest.  I nodded and walked into the other room to get some water. 

“Hey, Ash, you okay?” Austin asked me.

“Yeah, it just, you’ve heard about Carter and her mother’s history together, right?” I asked him.  He nodded.  “Well, her mother was backstage, demanding to be let in and talk to Carter, and I’m just worried.  Her mother didn’t respond to the wedding invitations we sent and she doesn’t know about the babies…” I tailed off.

“Yeah, I know, man.  Just keep your cool and be ready if-“

“War! Anthony! Meri! Ash!” Carter screamed, interrupting Austin.  I handed him my water bottle and ran, as fast as I could, back to Carter and Audrey.

“Hi, Audrey,” War said.

“Don’t talk to me! Filth! Now, Carter, where is Mordechai?” She asked, spitting at War.

“You just called him filth,” She said, venom coating each word.

“That is not my son!” she screamed.  War whimpered and Anthony wrapped him in a hug.

“Yes, Audrey, that is Wa- Mordechai,” Meri said.

“But look at him! There is no way that is my son! My son would never be a gay faggot like this freak!!” she spat.

“Just leave.  Fucking leave!” Carter yelled, fury and hurt in her eyes.

“No! I am your mother! I have a right to be here!” she yelled back.

“No! You don’t! I don’t know when the last time you checked was, but I am almost nineteen! I am legally an adult, therefore I am free from your filthy clutches you fucking bitch!” Carter screamed.

“How dare-“Audrey said, slapping Carter.  Audrey then jumped on her, punching, kicking, kneeing, elbowing, and head-butting, you name it. Carter curled into a ball the best she could, trying to protect my stomach.  Audrey kneed me right below my ribs.  Once, twice, Three times before I finally managed to wake up from my daydream and pry her off of Carter with help from the security guards. 

“Shh, Carter, It’ll be okay, paramedics are here,” I soothed as she sobbed in my arms.

“We’ll take her from here,” one of the paramedics said as Carter was sobbing.  Tears kept slipping out of my own eyes.

“Will-“I started.

“We don’t know, yet, sir,” the paramedic said.  He then picked Carter up and took her to a back room.  I was not allowed to follow.

I walked into the other room where Austin still was.  I walked over to one of the walls, kicked it, and then sat down, my forehead against my knees.

“I’m so fucking stupid.  Why couldn’t I have pulled her off of her before this shit happened?!” I screamed at myself.  I felt someone wrap their arms around me.  I looked up to see it was Meri, pulling me into a sisterly embrace.

“Sh, Ash, it wasn’t your fault.  War is doing the same thing, beating himself up over something he couldn’t control.  You guys, all of us, were caught off guard.  It will be okay,” she told me.

“No! Meri! It won’t! My children could be dead because I froze like the fucking screw up I am! Dammit! I couldn’t even protect Carter from something as petty as her mother’s rage! War may be hurting himself but I have been beaten by the fact that this has happened.  I have been beaten and I am just rubbing salt in my own wounds! Can’t you see! This will not end well! I can feel it!” I screamed.  At the sound of my screams the rest of the bands came over.

“What happened?” Chris asked franticly.

Meri explained it all.

“Shit. Ashley don’t you dare say-“Vic started.

“Say what?! Say that this was all my fault?! Because it sure was! If I hadn’t freaked out Carter wouldn’t be as hurt as she is now! If I had manned up and grabbed Audrey off of her she wouldn’t be with the paramedics! If I had stepped in our children wouldn’t be almost dead!” I said, my voice cracking on the last word.  I curled in a ball and started to sob.

“Mr. Paws?” one of the paramedics called after a while.  No one had moved.  They were all processing what I had just said.

“Yes? I s Carter-?”I said, my voice cracking.

“She will be fine, but,” she put her hand on my shoulder sympathetically.  “The babies were lost,” she whispered.

I didn’t know what to say or what to do, so I ran.  I ran into the restroom that was across the hall from the room the guys were in.  I reached in my wallet and pulled out an old blade of mine.  After I met Carter I hadn’t needed this thing.  I grabbed it, took a deep breath, and drug it across the flesh that was exposed on my arms.  I felt a slight sting, but it was relieving.  One for not being there for Carter.  Two for not being there for the children.  Three for making everyone worry.  Four for all the stress. Five for being me.  And two more just because.  They were all deep, but not too deep.  Just enough to make me feel.  I watched as the blood dripped slowly from my arm and into the sink. 

“Hey, Ash, you- no! You’re not!” Andy said as he walked in.  Shit! I forgot to lock the door!

“Why, Ash?” Andy asked me, shutting and locking the door then grabbing my arm and pouring the luke-warm water all over it.  I hissed in pain. 

“Too much,” I managed to spit out as Andy wrapping my arm.

“You better not let Carter see that or she will flip,” Andy muttered.

“I know,” I said after a while.  “She awake yet?”  I asked.

“No, War and Anthony carried her to the bus and put her in your bunk.  She should be awake any minute now,” Andy said, sighing.  “Don’t do this again.  Now, give it to me,” he said, reaching out his hand.   I sighed and let the blade fall into it.

“I’m gonna go check on Carter,” I whispered before leaving. 

“Wait! Ash! Here, borrow this so Carter doesn’t see,” Andy yelled, throwing me my hoodie that I always left with the equipment.

“Thanks,” I said as I pulled the hoodie on and walked out of the venue over to the busses.

***

“C-c-c-Carter?” I said as I walked in. 

“Ashes, what’s wrong?” She said, worried.

“A-Angel, I’m s-so s-s-sorry, I s-should have pulled her off of you b-before…” I trailed off.

“What is it Ashes?” She asked, rubbing her hand on my back as I hugged her, softly so I didn’t hurt her.

“W-we lost them,” I started to sob again. 

“Oh,” she whispered.  She started to cry.