Hushed

Chapter Seven

It's a parade of sunshine facades. Dahlings. Dears. Poised pinkies when sipping tea. Smiles almost twinkling. Practically bleached white. Perfectly rehearsed giggles as Mum tells of how I fell. Oh you poor dear. Oh teeheehee how awful. Oh goodness ha ha are you quite alright?

Being broken like me makes my other senses more powerful. It also lets me detect some things others wouldn't. The eyes tell me everything. Oh how stupid. Hahaha how pitiful. Pathetic. How terrible to be her mother.

Smile. Silently laugh. Nod as if it is all so wonderfully funny. Mother is pleased with herself. She's entertaining them so beautifully.  She looks at me expectantly, and I gracefully slide from my chair and walk hurriedly from the room. As soon as I'm out of their sight, I run to the kitchen.

I grab two of the food trays and walk as fast as I can with them to the ballroom, taking a back way so as not to distract the goings on in the parlor. Hurry hurry hurry go go go. I run back and forth until I've taken all the food.

Then I turn on the lights. They're Christmas lights we keep up in there year round, strung around the room, webbing across the ceiling. I quickly grab two lighters and begin lighting candles all over the floor against the wall, encircling the room. I hurry through them. Light light light light swish swish swish. Whew. Done. I turn around. Oh. Oh.

I love this part. The electrical light mingling with the tiny glowing flames. Yellow, orange, and white, and every shade of each blending and staying independently separated at the same time. Bouncing off each other. Reflecting off the newly cleaned floor, making it seem like I'm walking on, in, sunshine and moonlight and starlight together.

If only I could stay here. Lock the door. Maybe become light itself. After all, life can't be hurt. Light can never be imperfect. Light is simply... Wordless. Soundless. And perfect anyway.....

Mum. Mum's guests. Be a hostess, Kaylei. You can't change. Deal with it. Why do you dream like this? It's impractical. Stupid. Dreams don't come true for people like you.

I hurry upstairs and meet mum's eyes. Smile. It's ready. Go shine, and take credit for my work.

Okay, dahlings. It's time for our dinner. She leads them downstairs and nods at me. You can go, her lips ripple.

I run upstairs. Sigh.

How funny it is. Ironic. That smiles so white and straight are masks for feelings so awful, that there's a reason they're hidden.

I begin to cry now. Their faces smile behind my eyes. Pathetic. I know. But it's what I am. I am a  broken, pathetic creature swallowed in darkness. Uhnnn my shirt is getting wet at the collar and I taste salt. I can never be light. I'm like light. I'm told I'm gorgeous. That God did well with me. And light is deaf. And light can't speak. I was just born human instead of light. Why? Why?! Why?! Why?! WHY?!

I chuckle slightly to myself. My thoughts come to me, but I can only hear my mother's voice.

Hahaha oh Kaylei.... So you can be normal. You have to be normal.