2050: The Beginning of the End

Chapter 26: Dimitri

Thank you so much for 4K reads! I wasn't expecting to get four hundred, let alone four thousand! I'm grateful for each and every one of you, whether you vote and comment on every chapter or you're a silent reader.
Dedicated to RachelTheCrazyChick, who has been begging me to update since yesterday morning, and who is incredibly good at helping me cure writer's block.
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It takes me several moments to realize that the truck has stopped, to discover that we have parked in front of a large brick building, and to notice the commander standing in front of me.

He looks angry in the light of dawn, his frown making him look even more sinister than he usually would seem.

"I asked you a question, Orlov!" He grabs the collar of my jacket, pulling me off the truck and holding me at arm's length.

"I am sorry, Commander." I can't give him excuses, only an apology and a look that hopefully confirms that I am sorry.

How am I meant to pay attention to his trivial question now? What does he expect from me? Am I supposed to be fine right now?

I guess I am.

It's not like these soldiers expect any remorse from me.

They kill people all the time, don't they? Do they ever stop to think about who they are killing, what sort of a life that person led or why they are in this situation?

Why should a soldier care about the person they are out to murder? It is just one more inconvenience keeping them from their goals.

But not for me.

I pushed a nine-year-old boy, Lilian's brother, off that roof. I can't stop thinking about that. That other girl, too. The one who ran past me with a child who looked suspiciously like Rose clinging to her back. Rose trusted me despite how unpredictable I was. I wonder if she still trusted me after I left them? It's not important anymore. She's dead.

Killed.

Just like the girl who was carrying her.

Just like Jason Messer.

Like Shemik.

I tell myself over and over that she was different; I had a reason to harm her and my motivations were justifiable.

But I was wrong.

I can't believe I would stoop to this level. Sure, being furious was one thing, but killing Shemik in a pathetic attempt at revenge is another concept entirely. It wasn't her fault. None of it was. Whether or not Lilian was lying about being the one to kill Kat, it was an accident. My uncle's death was an accident.

If he were here right now, my uncle would probably be ashamed of me. I know I am ashamed of myself.

I am despicable. A murderer. A monster.

How could I let myself turn into such a person? Sure, I wanted to join the war, but I never wanted to kill someone who would never have wanted to bring me harm.

Someone's palm connects with my cheek. The stinging sensation snaps me back to the present.

"Boy, I asked you a question and I expect an answer." The commander is still gripping my collar with one hand, looking ready to murder me.

Maybe I should let him. How am I going to tell Lilian that I killed her little brother, the only person she could still call family?

"No problems, Commander." I force myself to speak, meeting the man's gaze, "You would be the first to know if there were."