2050: The Beginning of the End

Chapter 28: Lilian/Commander Petrovich

Lilian

"Your brother..."

"I pushed him..."

"... You will never know how sorry I am."

Dimitri's words repeat themselves as though he's still standing in front of me.

I don't know what to feel.

I hate him. I hate Dimitri for taking the only family I had left.

No. That's selfish.

I feel bad.

I pity Dimitri. He shouldn't have become a murderer.

No, that isn't it either.

I feel like I'm trapped, like I'm drowning.

Why did it have to be Jason?

Shemik was older. It made sense for her to die.

If someone has to die, it should always be the oldest in a group. That sounds selfish, too, I suppose. I don't really care any more.

It should have been me.

There, at last a thought that makes perfect sense. I was supposed to protect him, and two different times I failed.

One time was harmless, when he went off with Katerina.

They were just kids, and all kids are impulsive.

He could have been hurt, killed, but he wasn't.

He was fine.

And then I ran out of that stairwell. I went back to save Brynn.

Because despite everything, I'm still a kid, and kids are stupidly impulsive.

I left the people who could protect me, throwing us all into even more danger.

I left Jason.

I wasn't there. I didn't protect him when he needed me.

And now he's dead.

Jason.

My annoying, optimistic, perfect younger brother.

My favorite, least favorite, and only sibling.

Dead.

It should have been me. I'm older, it should have been me.

My vision is blurry, and there's something wet on my cheek.

I'm crying.

Again.

It seems like I've done a lot of that lately.

I don't care.

Why should I care?

There's something sticky on my knuckles. Blood? I wish I could feel the pain every time I slam my fist against the stone wall. I hate this power. Our powers are what got us here, what sent those soldiers on our trail. But really, there's no use hating anything or anyone now. For me, the war's over. War takes everybody you ever called family, everyone you ever loved. For me, the war has done that.