melting [pearlet]

s e v e n t e e n

PEARL

   LIVING with Violet is not what I thought I'd be doing 5 months ago. I wanted to do something for him. It's in my art studio, so I have to take him to my apartment building. My dreaded apartment building.

   The whole car ride is silent. Silence drives me insane sometimes, but Violet likes it. As I pull up to the building I get out immediately. I take his hand and lead him to the "Studio" I've made for myself out of the storage room.

I delve into my front pocket, pulling out the keys to the door. Once I open it Violet looks confused.

"So what's going on?"

"I'll show you, hold on." I pull out a portrait from the back of the room, revealing a hand drawn photo of Violet.

He looks mesmerized as I display it on an easel. He's wearing a gray t-shirt, his hair is down, showing off his loose curls with a small smirk across his face.

He's lost for words, "Pearl...I-"

"It's beautiful," He looks up from the portrait at me with beaming eyes, "How did you do this?"

"I have an excellent memory, Violet."

He looks at it for a few more minutes, brushing his finger tips across the features. He's puzzled as to how I remembered every detail of his face. I never stop looking at Violet's face, that's how I remember. My memory of him is my model.

After a while of talking, we decide to head back. We run into someone on our way out. My mother.

"Pearl?" She furrows her eyebrows, "What are you doing?" Her hair is messy, she probably hasn't showered in three days. She's wearing her pajamas and smoking a cigarette, what a mess.

"Not your business. Come on Violet let's go." I tug on his arm.

"No no, stay. Who's Violet? Is this the boy taking you away from me?"

   Violet chokes up, and looks at me anxiously.

"He's not taking me away from you, I wanted to leave. You and dad are the reason I left, bastard."

"You watch your mouth, I am your mother!" Her voice gets stronger with every word.

"You were my mother."

She waves his finger in my face, yelling at me about how I'm a disgrace and how I should come home.

I slap her boney finger out of my face, "I'm not coming home. We're leaving Violet."

"Fine, just don't come back!" She leans on the wall, sliding down. She throws her head in her hands, sobbing.

I don't care, she never cared about me when I cried, did she? She never cared when dad would hit me, did she? No. So I don't care about her.

   Violet looks back at my mom in the hallway, I tug on his arm once again and he follows. When I get into the car I slam my fist on the wheel, honking the horn on accident.

   "I'm sorry." Violet apologizes as he puts the portrait in the back seat.

   What is he apologizing for? He's done nothing but make my life better. He's the only person I'm living for.

   He gets in the passenger seat, with his head down. "I just feel like it's my fault your mom wants you home."

   "My mom doesn't really want me home, she just needs someone to yell at when my dad frustrates her." I admit, playing with my fingers, not looking at him.

   "I'm really sorry." He takes my hand.

   I wanna tell him, the big scary sentence every couple is afraid of, "I love you." I've never been one to commit, but Violet's special. He's different. I tell it to the world all the time, but I can't get the words out of my mouth when I want to tell Violet.

   Every time I try to it's word vomit. I've loved Violet since the first time I saw him. I haven't stopped loving him since.

   "Let's just go." I put the car into reverse, I back out into the New York City streets.

When we get to Violet's house he heads upstairs, not saying a word to me.

"What's wrong?" I ask following him up to his room.

"I think you need to go home." He turns around, tears in his eyes.

"What?"

"I think you need to go home Pearl, I'm sorry. I just can't do it."

My heart is broken into a million pieces. How can he do this to me? Good thing I've never told Violet I love him, he probably doesn't love me back.

I throw the portrait in my hand across the room before calmly walking down the stairs to get my things.

"Honey where are you going?" Marissa asks. I can't see her face with my back turned to her, but I know she looks concerned.

I freeze in the middle of packing my bag. I try hiding my face so she doesn't see my tears. I keep my back to her, "Home."

"Oh, well come back anytime." She says before walking back to the kitchen.

I then storm out into the night sky. Heading "home."

As I reach my apartment building I go straight to the roof. I can't bare looking my mother in the face, so I'll sleep on the roof. I pull a blanket out of my bag, and spread it across the hard concrete.

"Sweet dreams." I mumble to myself as I lay down on the blanket, using my bag as the pillow.

I stare at the stars until I drift off into a deep sleep.