Secrets || larry

Five

I wake up and the sun shines through my window. I squint my eyes against the bright lights and yawn, stretching my arms and back. I grab my phone and check the time. It's 11am and I have one message. I type in my phone password quickly so I can read it.

From H: Morning, cutie. Told you I'd talk to you.

I'm beaming with excitement that he remembered. My heart is dancing in my chest and my stomach is fluttering. I quickly reply back because his message was sent two hours ago.

To H: Morning to you too! Sorry I didn't reply right away, I just got up.

I send it quickly and then climb out of bed. I stumble my way to the kitchen, my body not being fully awake yet. I hear the television playing and I know Liam is up and ready for his day.

"Morning, sunshine," Liam sings at me as I enter the kitchen. He's already showered and dressed. He looks perfect, as always, and I feel gross in comparison.

"Morning, Li. What are you up to today?" I ask. I walk to the counter and I'm relieved when I learn the kettle is already warm. I pour myself a nice cup of tea and sit at the table.

"Well me and Zayn were going to hang out. Actually, I was supposed to invite you," he informs me. I turn to glare at him.

"Why didn't you?"

"I forgot," he shrugs, with a smirk. I look at him and pretend to be offended.

"Forgot about me? Am I not important to you, Liam? Do I not matter?" I question in faux anger. I know he's been busy and so have I.

"No you don't. In fact, I planned on shipping you off to El," he jokes and I choke on my tea.

"Not her! Anyone but her!" I beg. He laughs at my horrified expression and sits across from me.

"No, but seriously, you coming?" he asks and I nod my head.

"Good! We're leaving soon so go shower," he instructs. I groan and chug down the last of my tea, burning my throat in the process. I go to the washroom and take a quick shower. I style my hair and throw on some clothes quickly and I look good as new.

I grab my phone off my bed and check to see if H replied. My heart soars when I see a message from him.

From H: Don't worry about it. I have to go I have class. Call me later?

To H: If I must. Have fun in class, babe.

I send the message and then regret adding the babe. Would he think it's weird? Would he be creeped out? I hope not. Maybe he won't care... My phone buzzes in my hand and I look down to see a message from him.

From H: Yes you must. And I'll try x

My eyes immediately zoom in on the kiss at the end of the text. He sent me a kiss. The whole thing sends a warm, fuzzy feeling through my body and I'm practically glowing as I go find Liam.

"Ready to go?" he asks and then he turns to face me. He scans me over quickly and quirks an eyebrow. "Why are you so happy all of a sudden?"

I feel the grin on my face grow and I can't help but want to burst and tell Liam everything. Of course I can't do that because he doesn't know I'm gay. Oh the struggle.

"No reason. Let's go!" I cheer and he just chuckles and follows me out the door.

•••

Me, Liam and Zayn are all back at mine and Liam's flat, drinking beer when our door bursts open. We all turn in surprise to see a flustered Eleanor standing there sending daggers my way. I furrow my brow in confusion and place my beer on the table.

"You okay?" I ask because what else can I say to her? I mean she's clearly angry.

"No. I am not okay. You want to know why?" She questions, her voice dripping with venom. I really don't care why but I slowly nod my head encouraging her to continue.

"You cheated on me! At that party! Who is she? I swear I'll kill her," she seethes. I feel the blood drain from my face and Zayn mumbles a quiet 'uh oh' beside me.

"Am I wrong?" she yells angrily. I'm speechless but I know I have to say something or this could get even uglier.

"Sorta? I mean..." I try to think of a way to say this without coming across like a total asshole. I sigh and decide that no matter what I'll look like one.

"Yeah. I cheated. I slept with someone else and I'm sorry, but I'm not really into you anymore..." I trail off at the end realizing how terrible that sounds. Her eyes fill with tears and I feel like the worst person ever.

"Fuck don't cry. El, you're a beautiful, smart, amazing girl, but you and me we're just not right for each other. I love you, but not in that way." I try and make it better, but that just makes her tears fall faster. I quickly jump off the couch and walk over to her, trying to comfort her. She backs away quickly.

"Don't touch me. Why Louis? Why would you do this to me?" She asks quietly.

"I don't know. You deserve better," I tell her honestly.

"Yeah I do," she says and then she's leaving, slamming the door behind her. I stand there stunned and then feel my own wave of tears come. I don't know why I'm crying, I caused all this. I turn around and see Zayn and Liam giving me a sympathetic look. I turn away from them too and lock myself in my room.

I climb onto my bed and grab my pillow, holding it to my chest as I cry. I let the tears fall and block out the sound of my friends voices. They're trying to get me to open my door, but I continue to sit on my bed, feeling sorry for myself.

Without thinking I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. I dial H's number and listen to it ring.

"Hey! I was waiting for you to call," he answers cheerfully. I feel my stomach knot and I breathe out a shaky breath. "Are you okay?" he asks. His voice is laced with worry and it just adds to my guilt.

"No. I feel so guilty. I'm a liar, a big, fat, ugly liar," I cry. I continue before he can interrupt, "my whole life is a lie and I just lie to everyone and I'm tired of lying. In fact, I'm going to be honest with you," I tell him. He's quiet on the other line and I build up my courage and finally tell someone the secret I've been too afraid to share.

"I cheated on my girlfriend with a guy because I'm gay. I. Am. Gay. There I said it, it's no longer a secret. I am gay. Gay, gay, gay," I chant and I feel better and better every time I say it. I feel free and even if I can only admit it to a stranger, at least I can admit it.

It feels good to admit it to H. Maybe it's because I can't see his face over the phone, or maybe it's because he's not actually an important person in my life. He's a guy that doesn't even know my name and I know that if he judges me it's no big deal.

"Well that's a relief," he sighs into the phone, "now I know you won't judge me. I'm gay too."