The Photo Project (#Wattys2014)

12: Horrible Addiction

  I stared at the blood that had dripped to the floor from my arm, not believing I really did it.

I cut myself again...

Thinking that made me sick. I had promised myself that I was done with this horrible addiction.

I quickly wiped at my tears as I stood myself up. I rinsed off the blade and put it back in the small baggy, putting it back in the cabinet. I took a deep breath as I turned the water on and put my arm under the faucet. It stung, but it just brought more good pain. The kind of pain that made you forget things you were tired of remembering.

I watched the water turn red as the blood rinsed off into the skin. Once the water turned clear again, I took a towel and held it on my arm tightly. I let out a low hiss once it started stinging.

I walked out the door and back into my room, sitting on my bed. I stared at the floor in front of me, willing the remaining memories to disappear.

I placed a smile on my face, shaking my head. "Your okay." I told myself, brushing what I just did off. "You won't do it again because your okay. Your okay.. Your okay.." I trailed off in a whisper, my smile fading.

I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth together, not wanting the tears that stabbed at my eyes to fall.

Crying did nothing to help, so why do it?

I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes, taking the towel off my arm. I stared down at the punctured skin, wincing. It looked raw, red, and swollen, just like it used to after every time I had done it before.

A welcomed feeling, but a horrible sight after the deed was done.

I gulped and brought my shaky arm up, touching the scars lightly. I bit my lip in pain, continuing to touch at them.

I stood up and threw the towel in the dirty bin as I opened my room door. I walked down stairs and went to the kitchen, pulling an ice pack out of the freezer. I sat down at the table and set it on my arm, sighing at the relief of the pain.

My mind trailed off to Hayden and how fun the day was, well, you know, until that asshole came in and felt me up.

I wasn't sure about this guy. I'd only known him for a little while, and I was starting to feel.. attached..

I groaned and looked out the window that was by the table.

Would it be so bad if I just.. left? I mean.. My mom would miss me, but I've always felt like a burden.. No one else would miss me though, would they? Maybe they'd feel a little bad, and a few may even cry.. But I'll be forgotten, right?

I quickly shook those thoughts from my head. Your not going down this road again. Your not going down the road to your own destruction. Shut up.

I looked back down at my arm and removed the ice pack, wincing. The lines were swelled up, but luckily they wouldn't get too bad since I put ice on them. Hopefully they wouldn't be too noticeable after they healed.

I wiped the ice pack off, making sure to get off any blood if there was any on it, and put it back in the freezer.

I bit my lip as I paced around the kitchen, trying to figure out how to get myself to not cut again.

I could be a good student, and try to start my project, but knowing me I'd fall asleep. Plus, I didn't know enough about Hayden to even start on it. Other than him liking Fraps, owning a motorcycle, and enjoying knives.

But I figured that wasn't enough, and that I shouldn't even add the knife part.

Maybe I could just keep myself busy by going out a lot. Grace liked going out, but I think she was busy this week with other friends.

I groaned and stopped walking, staring at the wall in front of me.

Maybe I could invite Hayden back over here, and we could-

I shook my head and almost slapped myself for that thought.

He didn't know me. He probably didn't want to hang out with me, anyway.

But what else are you going to do?

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

Maybe I could just ask. And if he says no, then who cares? At least I tried. It's not like I haven't embarrassed myself in front of him before.

I slowly made my way up the stairs and into my room, taking a deep breath in as I tried to block out the memories of what I had just done. I grabbed my phone and sat on my bed, scrolling through the contacts. Once I found his name, I clicked on the message box and typed a quick text.

"Could you maybe come back?.. I'm bored."

I yawned ad waited for about 5 minutes, still not getting a text. 

I lied back a bit and decided to close my eyes to rest. A small throb was beginning in the back of my eyes, and I knew it would be worse if I didn't close them and let them rest.lied

And without realizing it, I fell into the deep depths of sleep. 

So this is really short :/ ... I'm not proud of its lenght, but I wanted to get something up. Next chapter will be longer. Thank you for reading! <3