Joshifer (We Remain)

Part 19

New update(: sorry that you have all been waiting xoxo

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Jennifer's Pov
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My eyes flutter open, as I feel the bed sink down.
I feel a pair of strong arms, wrapping themselves around my waist.



I roll my body over, so I can face Josh.


My eyes start feeling droopy on me again.


"Hey beautiful" he smiles at me. Kissing my forehead.


"Hey" I gladly smile back at him. His face looks entirely drained, his eyes are bloodshot. I feel bad. He must have been crying again, while I was asleep.


"You feeling hungry at all" he asks shyly

I'm honestly not in the mood for eating. I have caused so much grief for Josh , it's not even funny anymore. He's bent over backwards to try help me , but I have just been blocking everyone out. I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even josh.


" No, I'm just really worried about you right now"

"No , I'm not upset, I'm just thinking about how you and I are going to work through this. When we get back home , I am going to do whatever it takes to get you better. I don't care what extent I have to go to."


"Josh , I love you . But I won't let you do that"

" as much as you don't want me , you need to understand that your in such a vulnerable state at the moment, and you need somebody to support you "


" don't call me vulnerable. I'm fucking fine. Josh that person can't be you . You need to leave me to live my life. I'm so negative towards you,I am not making your life any better. More like I'm making your world a living hell" I look up at him. Tears start welling in my eyes. I feel really sick, as though I want to vomit. My head aches with pain.


" but it will be Jen . I'm not going anywhere, even if it means you hate me in the end"


I can barely talk. I'm filled with so much anxiety, that I'm not functioning.


"Josh. Can't you see I'm pouring my heart out to you " I full on cry, my voice starts getting hard to understand. " I can't do this anymore, I can't live like this. I'm fucked up. I cry everyday. I bitch in your face when you try to help me . I'm so depressing. And the saddest thing is that you deal with all of this, telling yourself everyday that it's going to be okay, that each day is going to be better. Your delusional Josh. WAKE UP " I scream


Josh pulls me into his chest. Not saying anything. Just rubbing circles into my back.
I know it feels wrong not letting him in. But maybe he might help.


" we will work through this . I promise you . Everything will be okay."
Josh lies down onto his back . He lifts my body and gently lies me down on top of his body.


"Baby , I don't mind kissing you for the millionth time again, to convince you that I'm staying here." He soothes


"Well I don't deserve one. I don't deserve you "

Josh shakes his head
" your kidding right.You have my heart Jen. Only you do . I want you to hold onto it For eternity "


I feel stunned by his remark . I never know what to say . I'm always left dumbfounded. But
I'm feeling so upset , that I don't know how to react.

"I .... I....." Great answer Jennifer.


"I love you two " he smirks . He brings his hands up, and places them on my face " make love to me". I can feel his warm breath lingering on my face.
He brings my head down, so that our lips slightly merge. At first it started out to be a slow and subtle kiss. But I think Josh and I got lost into our own world. My hands started getting lost into his hair, as our lips would move in sync. Josh starts to move his hands down , exploring my chest , trying not to break the heated kiss . Josh starts fumbling with the hem of my shirt , trying to quickly unbutton it. I break the kiss half way, trying to catch my breath

" I'm not...... I'm not ready to go this far yet"


"It's okay , I'm not really either " he blushes. He's cute , so ini-sent, yet gentle .


I didn't want josh to feel embarrassed , so I kissed him softly on the lips.


He smiles at me , ever so sweetly .

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Jens pov
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"You ready to give this another try"
Josh has convinced me to try swimming another go .
It's our last day on the cruise boat, we haven't done anything else but listen to my dramas the whole time .It's around 3pm In the late afternoon. A perfect time to get out.


"Yeah. Please don't stair at me though"


"Jen. Baby , you have already shown me remember. I am not going to make you feel intimidated"


"Promise"


"Of course, your beautiful in my eyes ."


I walk out of our room without a towel on this time.


Joshes eyes scan up and down my body . Making me feel slightly paranoid.


"See nothing to worry about. Your perfect." He tells me


" I have an eating disorder , I cut myself. I have been assaulted. I'm fat"
I state.

"No your the apple of my eye. I have so much love for you, that it's so hard to express. I adore you Jen. Your not fat or ugly. Just don't forget you and I are a team, we will beat this . Yeah . You with me "


That was cheesy Josh.

" we'll try." I tell him


"No. Jennifer Lawrence. We'll beat this together "


I nod my head in agreement


"Come on, let's get in" Josh tells me , grabbing my hand and leading me over to the edge of the boat.


The water actually looks super warm , so I'm quite keen to jump in.


" did I tell you we have jet skis that we can ride"


" no , do we really. Where did you get them "


"Hired them "


" sweet" I smile.

"Alright I'm jumping in " Josh tells me .


I look down from where we are standing. It is quite a little way down.as you may already know , that I'm not good with swimming.


Josh climbs over the railing and jumps straight down


I can't help but gasp at the big attempt he makes.


"Jen come on down " Josh calls after a few seconds.


I take a look over the edge, slightly being put off .


"I'm not good at swimming " I admit


"Don't worry, I will hold you"


Agreeing to that, I climb over the railing , shaking my boots off.


"Just jump it will be okay " Josh persuades me.


I don't jump, I just keep chickening out and not jumping


"Do I have to come up and grab you Babe"


"No just give me a second" I catch my breath before yelling out " you know what fuck this , Yolo" I jump off the boat. It only takes a few seconds until my body comes in contact with the water. After a few seconds , I reach the surface of the water.


Josh sees me. He comes over and gets me to wrap my legs around his waist, so that we can keep afloat.


"Fok dis , Yolo" Josh mimics me in a child's voice.


"Hey, it's not funny" I laugh "that's quite scary for me"


"Yeah but your Katniss Everdeen, your supposed to be brave " he jokes


"Shush you " I laugh taping him on the nose. Josh try's to bite my fingers away
"Being cheeky now mister "


"Sure am" he smirks at me





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Joshes Pov
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I feel as though , I've got enough guts to tell her how I feel . Today's been almost perfect, a slight change from yesterday.


I'm sure that Jen enjoyed going swimming, she looked as though she was having a blast on those jet skis . Luckily I managed to get plenty of photos to show some of the cast.



Right now we are sitting outside watching the sun set.
It feels so right sitting here with Jen in my arms. She is so, so beautiful. I wish she could see it like I can .


Common Josh, here's the perfect chance to tell her


"Jen"


"Mmm"


"There has just been something really important I need to tell you . Something I need to clarify between us "


She sits up facing me, by the look on her face she looks worried.


"What is it."


"About us "


I hold onto he hands for a bit of support


"I feel bad because I haven't asked you properly, I haven't really found the right time to ask you. And now I think is the perfect chance to ask you .



Jen starts to smile, obviously knowing what I'm going to ask her



"Jennifer Shrader Lawrence, would you like to be officially be my girlfriend".


"Yes. Oh my gosh yes" she throws her hands up in the air squealing.


"Come here "


I pull Jen into me pressing my lips to hers
"Gorgeous girl you are"


"Sweet Joshie you are " Jen giggles


I hope she understands by this that she can come to me for anything at all.

Because I really do love her . And I will help her get better.

Jens worth all my time in the world.




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Yayy ya (: joshifer forever

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-TheGalOnFire12