Here's Love ➤ Niall Horan

24. Ugh...Grandma

Chapter 24. Ugh..Grandma

I don't think I slept at all last night. The words Zayn told me kept echoing in my head. There's just something about that idea that...scares me. What if I really do like Moni? I can't. I won't.

I'm an idiot. Like literally, I've done many things I regret. I don't think sometimes. Moni is out of my league. She deserves much much better. Tom Hiddleston better.

Even if I did like Moni, what would happen? I can't tell her, cause obviously she'll reject me. Then what? I just move on from my feelings like that? If I keep being friends with her, I'll soon fall in love. I know it. I won't be able to do anything about it. I don't want that.

I want to be happy, but not in the selfish way. I mean, who doesn't want to be happy?

Am I making this too complicated for myself? Am I overreacting? Why am I so nervous over the fact of possibly liking Moni? Is it because...I really do like her? I don't like the idea of it, but at the same time, I do. I don't know...this is all just confusing for me.

She's a beautiful girl, beautiful personality and an intelligent mind; amazing person in general. I do not deserve her. Better yet, no one deserves her. She's too good for everyone.

I like that she's helped me be a better person. She's the reason why I'm the person today. Every time I made a mistake, she wouldn't comfort me and tell me it's okay. No, she asked me if I learned from this. She made me promise to myself to never do anything like that again. And guess what? I never did. She made me learn, and that's what makes me a better person.

I know I'm not done learning. No one is done learning ever. Your entire life, you keep learning new and interesting things. That's the great thing about life, it's unlimited. The things you can learn, see, hear, watch, live. It's amazing.

But then there's the down side of life. It's not always the best. There are horrible and terrifying things that people should never go through. That makes us stronger. Those types of people learn more about the world, and it's hard. Sometimes knowing that knowledge can change you, and not always in a good way. People turn dark and hate the world. They live their lives in sorrow and darkness; that's not the way to live. Maybe it's because I'm an optimistic person, but I believe you should be happy. Happiness is good.

I think what I thought back then was that love is happiness. It's not. Happiness can be found in many shapes and forms. Maybe you just got a dog, and you're happy. Maybe you just got married. And hell with it, maybe you just had sex.

I may not be the happiest right now, but everyone is truly happy one point in their life. I was happiest when I went on stage and thousands of people cheered me on. I felt powerful, like I was on top of the world. But even that has its downsides. 

I can never truly be happy. Everything has its downsides. Everything. But sometimes, I have to remember that they also have upsides. That's something you should always keep in mind.

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