The Girl in Blue

25- The Girl is Bitter

Lana

A week goes by and I still feel like I'm drowning in a pit of despair.

I'm definitely dying.

Once I had accepted the fact that I was jealous of Addison going on a date with Levi, it's like I can't even stop thinking about it. It's been an entire week today and every time that I see Levi, I can't help but want to kiss him. It's not going away like I had thought that it would either. I thought that I could just force myself to just get over it but every time that I see him, it just gets worse.

Today, we're filming again, only this time we're inside. We're using the studio space on campus which is a much easier commute for everybody and we're sure that we'll only need one more day of filming after this to get all of the shots that we need if we stay on schedule.

That's good because that means that after we're done filming, I won't ever have to see Addison again and hopefully, neither will Levi. They're going on their date tonight after we finish filming so I can only hope that it goes terribly.

Because I like Levi enough to want to kiss him but I don't like him enough to want him to be happy without me. I want him to be miserable unless he is with me—I want all of his dates to go horribly unless they're with me-- and I know that it sounds ridiculous and selfish but I don't care. I've never done this before so I'm just going to let myself be ridiculous and selfish.

"I can set up in here for the next scene," Levi tells me after we've finished one of the scenes. "It might take a minute though, do you want to take Addison into the recording studio and get some of the voiceover recorded?"

"Oh, sure," I nod and Addison is right there so since she heard that too, we just walk out of the studio room where the small volunteer crew are helping Levi change the set around.

Once out of the room, Addison looks at me with a nervous-looking smile. "So would it be totally unprofessional to ask you if Levi has said anything about me?"

"Yes, it would," I confirm, looking straight ahead so that I don't glare at the innocent girl. "But we're not really professionals. He hasn't said anything though, I'm sorry. Not to me, anyway."

"That's alright. We haven't even gone on a date yet," She explains. "I'm just really excited though, he's so great. I hope that he didn't agree to go out with me out of pity or something though, I hope that he really wants to."

"I'm sure that he does," I assure her, reminding myself not to be petty. I say it over and over in my head so that I won't sabotage them. I could tell her that that's exactly what he did, or that he's just too nice to reject anybody. I could tell her that he told me mean things about her, I could crush her spirits. But although I allow myself to have petty thoughts, I will not act on those thoughts because that makes me petty and a bitch. A crazy one at that.

"He makes me nervous," She continues to ramble as if we're best friends or something. I'm sure she has actual friends that she can talk to about this, I don't know why she feels the need to spill all of this to me. "But I think that it's good. A good nervous."

"Do you have the voiceover script?" I get the subject back on topic so that we can just get this done and head back to set.

"Yep," She holds up her slightly wrinkled packet of paper and doesn't seem deterred at all that I so quickly changed the subject and just goes with it. "Are we just starting from the top?"

"Yeah," I confirm as we get into the recording studio with a sound booth and then the audio board outside of the sound proof recording room. "So just go into this room and when I give you the go ahead, just start reading the script. Have you ever done anything like this?"