Star Wars Rebels: Time Travel

Chapter 16

(Kanan pov)

First, I was in the Clone Wars as a Jedi Padawan. Then, I was forced to leave behind that life. I made myself into almost a completely different person. But when I met my crew, and later Ezra, the person I was had started to come back, slowly, but surely. Now, I'm in the Clone Wars again. But this time, as a high-ranking Onderon rebel–and a captured one at that. 

The Force can't seem to make up it's mind on what I'm supposed to be. Jedi, rebel, Jedi, and now rebel again. Who even am I? That's the real question, isn't it. Am I a Jedi, or a rebel, or both? My crew would all have different answers. 

Chopper would say that I was a rebel, just from the fact that I had hidden away my true identity for so long and the fact that I was openly fighting against the Empire, but only after meeting ezra had I exposed myself to be a remnant of the Jedi Order. 

Zeb would say a Jedi. He would state that I never loosened up, never trusted anyone fully. But isn't that more of a trait of a rebel? War changes everyone, especially the rebels who are fighting against the system. But I'm a rule-follower, sort-of strict, always very concerned for safety. My plans may not be the best, but I never do anything without a plan, if I can help it.

Sabine would say rebel. Reckless plans, crazy risks, and a tendency to crack jokes in every situation. Blaster before lightsaber as a choice of weapons. And when I do use my lightsaber, I don't vary from Form II and Form III very much.  

Hera would say that I was a Jedi. She would say that you could hide yourself for life, but never fully erase yourself. Old habits die hard. She would say that I used my experience as a Jedi and my connection to the Force to fight as a rebel, but that I wasn't an extremist, like what I've heard of Saw Gerrera. That I had never fully become a rebel, and that I had stayed a Jedi while fighting. Just like in the Clone Wars, when I was a Padawan. 

Ezra would say both. I'm neither one of them, but more of a combination of them both. I fight like a Jedi and a rebel. I speak like both. I act like a combination of both sides. Maybe the best of both worlds? That's how he would see it. Ezra's always seen things differently. He's so different than I am–but yet, the same. We've both lose our old lives, but not completely. We're both different than when we first met, but still the same people. He's a rebel, but he's also a Jedi. Just like he would say I am. 

Maybe being a combination is the best thing of all. I can have the best of both worlds, and retain my identities. Caleb Dume and Kanan Jarrus. Old and new. Jedi and rebel. 

Maybe I'm neither. 

Maybe I'm both. 

But to my crew, at least I'm someone. 

Lying on the floor of my cell, I can almost completely block out the pain, just with thoughts of my beloved crew. 

And for the first time in years, I don't have to block my thoughts from anyone. 

It's a glorious feeling, to think and feel without consequences. 

Too bad it won't last.