Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

2 - Undeserving

School is good too. I might not have the world of friends, nor do I have a best friend who'll stick by me through thick and thin, but I have friends. Just friends. Just those people I hang out with so I won't have to sit and stare at walls all day. I sometimes just wish Cody was here. I don't know what the hell possessed him to drop out of school. He told me he was tired of it, but that still doesn't mean he could drop out. Everyone is tired of school. Now, he just plays soccer with some other guys from town.

They all seem to dislike me. I don't understand why, and I probably never might. I know it's certainly not because I'm gay, since Cody is gay also, and they're all good with him. I guess it's just me. But like I said before, I don't really need them liking me – I have Cody for that and he does it perfectly.

I was tugged out of my thoughts, when my friend Hannah, began talking to me. I was so far out of it, I barely understood what she was asking me. Eventually, she just summed up that I was thinking about Cody... again. I can't help it if my boyfriend is beautiful. I like thinking about him all the time.

Hannah continued to talk to me, even when I wasn't paying attention. She's actually a really cool friend – but I think she's already found her friend to go through life with (and I hate sharing). Hannah's best friend is a guy she met at a party and they somehow grew close, and I really don't know the story. The guy doesn't go to this school, so their friendship is sort of long-distance, but they're making it through.

The rest of the table are having their own conversations, not paying much mind to me, as usual. I'm practically invisible here, except if I laugh really loudly at a joke, or decide to actually have an input in the conversation. I usually just text Cody or something. But I like being alone sometimes. I get to think in peace. I don't really need to go to a secluded place and possibly get raped, to have a good thinking time. Just staring off into nothing is good for me, and you won't believe the amount of stuff I get to think about.

At the end of the lunch period, I received a text message from Cody. I wasn't texting him earlier, so I guess I was sort of surprised. The text said for me to meet him after school, instead of going to the hospital like I usually do.

When school was over, I found myself sitting on the curb, waiting for Cody to show up. Out of complete boredom, I began flipping my phone in my hands, hoping it doesn't fall. Thankfully, I spotted Cody's car a little distance away from me. I stood up from the curb, just in time to quickly enter the car and take my seat beside him. I glance over at Cody, finding a worried expression on his face.

I asked him, “What's wrong?” but he didn't answer me. He only began to drive. I could tell he was either upset or sorry. I would continuously look over at him to see if his expression changed, but it never did. We arrived at my home in a short period of time, but I didn't exit the car. Instead, I asked again, “What's wrong?”

“Ethan...” he says softly, then bit his bottom lip.

“What is it?” I furrowed my eyebrows, “What happened?”

“Look, I don't want to do this,” he mutters, running his fingers through his hair slowly. Cody looked out the window, probably stalling.

“Babe, what's wrong?” I ask, leaning in closer, “I promise I'll completely understand or accept you, okay. Just tell me.”

“You don't deserve me,” he shook his head and scoffed.

“Cody, you're perfect for me, okay. I love you so much,” I tell him, cupping his cheeks. His large hands took my wrists and brought by hands down. He said, “Ethan, we have to break up.”

My heart stopped beating for a moment, then I slowly took my hands from him and leaned back in the seat. I crinkled my brows as I asked, “We have to what?”

“Break up,” he replies to my rhetorical question. I roll my eyes at that. Cody continued, “I was asked to play on the national soccer team.”

I let out a feign chuckle and said, “Uh that's great, but... w-why...?”

“I love you, Ethan, but I just... I can't do long distance relationships. I need to see you, and touch you every day.”

“But what about me?” I point to myself, “How am I supposed to go on without you, Cody? I love you, you can't do this to me?”

“I get that, but you have to understand that soccer is the only thing I have going for me right now. You're going off to college and shit and there's nothing there for me. Ethan, I have to take this opportunity. I'm actually good at this – I can't just pass it up. Please understand.”

“Cody, don't do this...” I mutter softly, “I love you...”

“I love you, Ethan, I swear, but I... I just can't give this up. Soccer is my passion – I'm great at it, and I'm actually getting to play nationally. Ethan, that's so big for me,” he tries to explain, but all I can hear is him leaving me. I'm so happy that he's going to be doing something he absolutely loves, but I'm going to lose him, and I can't take that. I love him so much...

“Please, don't leave me, Cody....” I plead.

“I'll come back, I swear.”

“No, you'll forget me. I know you would. After you get your soccer fame or whatever, you're going to forget me. I know it.”

“It sucks that you think of me that way, but I'll never forget you. You're the first guy I've ever loved – I can never forget that,” he says taking my hand, “I'm sorry.” I remained silent and stared ahead. This was definitely not what I wanted or was expecting. This all came so sudden. It was as though I had him for a minute, and now he's just completely gone. The minute is up and everything is done. There are so many things we are yet to do, so many goals I'd set for us. He's probably not even leaving today, but it surely feels like it. All I want to do right now is actually be close to him. I'm not angry that he chose his soccer career – I'm really happy for him – I just hate that we have to split up. How am I going to go through the days without him?

“So... we're done?” I asked him, not looking up at him. Cody remained silent, which confirmed my thoughts. He started the conversation with him not being able to handle long distance relationships, so it's an obvious no that we aren't together anymore. He broke up with me.

I slowly remove my hand from his and finally blink up at him. His eyes held sadness and tears, which made tears rush to mine. I want to kiss him and wrap my arms around his neck, telling him how much I love him and would miss him, but I could have only done that when we were in a relationship. I quickly wipe away the tears from my eyes and open the car door to leave. I can't stay there any longer. I would like to cry on my own, with no one bothering me or asking me how he hurt me.

I leave the car and walk to my front door without turning around. I knew he was still there, but looking back would just make me want to cry more. He'll no longer be here to do that. Gosh, is this what it feels like to have a broken heart? Melancholy doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now. I enter my house quickly and rush to my bedroom. I need to hug my pillow and sob.... for about a week.

~*~*~*~*

A/N: Okay chapter number two! Please share this book guys please, please please. And voote and comment please. love you. Image of Cody up above :)