Don't Let Go ✔ (Editing)

29 - Unlike any other

29

On Monday, at school, it felt a bit weird. I know I'm in a relationship, but it's just so different having to reject guys. I'm a loving person – I never reject a guy. But I'm also loyal and honest. I know it would hurt like a bitch to be cheated on (I've never actually experienced it, but I've read books), so I wouldn't really want Ashton to go through that. Plus, I'd feel absolutely horrible afterward.

It's so hard to see a guy whose so God-damn attractive, and all I can do is stare. It absolutely sucks ass. I definitely notice those 'subtle' looks he's sending my way from his table which is located a few tables away from mine in the school's cafeteria, but I can't do shit about it. I'm supposed to be committed. Which shouldn't really be hard, seeing as I was committed throughout my entire relationship with Cody... but then again Cody was actually here with me and not stuck in a hospital's bed.

"He's nice...." Hannah says from beside me and nods in the guy's direction.

"I know..." I mutter while resting my head in my hands and shaking my head. There is no way I am going to give into his lustful stares.

"I didn't even know he was gay."

"Well, apparently, he is. Do you see how he's staring?" I ask, blinking back briefly at him. Hannah smirked, "So what's stopping you again?"

"Uh my conscience. I've changed my lifestyle."

"Yet again," she rolled her eyes. I pulled in my lip ring and flashed a smile. It's only the second time. The first time was definitely needed. I could have felt my entire subconscious slipping down into a black hole because of how I used to be. I needed to live again. Cody leaving ruined me a bit... well a lot.

"My point is, Hannah, I'm sticking to one guy."

"Seriously?" she scoffed, "Who?"

"Just a guy... but he's extremely special to me and I don't want to ruin what we have."

"Extremely special? Is Cody back?" she asks.

"No, it's not Cody," I tell her, but soon decided to change the topic, "Speaking of Cody, he invited me to go see one of his football games, would you like to come?"

Hannah shoved some hair behind her ear before pretending to think, and I already knew she was going to say something negative or sarcastic. "Of course, I'd want to tag along, so I could watch you two fuck each other senseless like a third-wheeling asshole. No thanks, honey. I'll be fine at home."

"You could have simply said no," I roll my eyes and take a sip of my coke. Hannah smiled, "I'm not simple."

"Wow," I scoff. She can be so extreme sometimes. Hannah continued to eat her lunch, which consisted of only a peanut butter sandwich and a packet of Capri Sun which she most likely stole from her little brother. And I slurped up coke from a straw, while glancing back ever-so-often. I just can't help myself. Plus, it's just looking. There's no harm in looking.

Unfortunately, after about five minutes of me trying to be elusive as I looked at the blonde-haired beauty, he made his way to me – which is bad. I glance over at Hannah for help, but she had already logged on, and when she's on her phone it's impossible to get her off. The world could be crumbling to pieces and she won't even notice it until like it broadcasts on the phone or something. It's a deadly addiction. So, she's no help.

He found his way to our table and greeted me with a simple 'Hey'. I nodded then smiled at him, "Hi."

"You're Ethan, yeah?"

"That's me," I replied with a smile. But then I began to think that maybe smiling would lead him on. I should just be a heartless jerk, maybe then he'd leave... and hate me...? I'm not that type of person, honestly. I accept new friends.

"Christian," he says and flashed a smile. He's really fucking handsome. I didn't even know he went this school or I would have tried something when I wasn't in a committed relationship. Even though his blonde hair and name sort of reminds me of Chris, I still find him attractive. He's got those pretty brown eyes, and perfect facial structure, which is completely different from that ass, Chris.

"Huh," I smiled, "Your name's Christian..."

"I'm not one... my parents are though," he tells me.

"Wow, your home life must be sort of really fucking bad," I tell him.

"Yeah... it is – I'm basically hated by my entire family. But it's totally cool though."

"How is that cool?" I shake my head and smile. He laughed before he replied with, "I'm perfect academically."

"And?"

"Money," he simply says and I crinkled my eyebrows, until he began to speak again. He said, "I'll be the world's greatest lawyer with the biggest firm and the most amount of money. I don't need them."

I smiled, "I love that you aim for the stars." He nodded his head, but remained silent. After a while of us just sitting there passed, he asked, "So, uh, would you like to go out sometime?"

I pulled in my lip ring as I blinked at him for about five seconds before I looked away to the ground. "I'm actually really surprised that you asked to go out, instead of like a blowjob in the boys' bathroom or something."

"I'm not like that," he says.

"Neither am I. Do I look like that, though?"

"No," he shook his head, "You don't."

I smiled, "Thank you. But uh I actually have a boyfriend, so... yeah."

"Well that sucks," he pursed his lips.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. You seem like a really nice guy, but I'm trying to be loyal, you know."

"Have you ever cheated?" he questions.

"No, not really. I've obviously talked to other guys, but that's not really cheating," I shrugged. Christian nodded his head but didn't reply. I feel horrible for this. I mean, it's not really my fault, but I still feel responsible. Why couldn't there be two of me so I could have two boyfriends. This guy is really nice, but I'm all team Ashton. Sorry, dude.

"Your boyfriend is a really lucky guy," he says to me.

"I know right," I roll my eyes, but then quickly said, "I'm just kidding, just kidding."

Christian laughed softly and shook his head, "Well, I'll see you around then."

"Yeah. Thanks for the chat."

"No problem," he says, "If you ever need a lawyer in the next few years, I'll be there."

"I will definitely remember that," I tell him with Cody in mind. He grinned at me before he stood from the table and walked away. That didn't go as half as bad as I expected it to. He's a pretty cool guy and he isn't chasing sex. He would have been a good boyfriend. But I'm happy with Ashton. I mean I don't get to see him at school and whatnot, but the moments in his room makes up for it. Just sitting and talking to him or sometimes just lying in silence, makes me happy, when it's with him.

*~*~*