To My Wayward Sons (Supernatural Poetry)

My Supernatural Valentine

(I had a frigging ball writing these. I also constantly banged my head on the table and questioned my life constantly but whatever. I humbly present: My Supernatural Valentine. Because what better day to celebrate the day of love, emotion, and passion than with really terrible 'roses are red' crack poems from the Supernatural boys?)

~*~

Sam's getting desperate here

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Date me please

But you'll be dead too.

~*~

(what sounds like stripper) Dean

Roses are red

Violets are not

I got daddy issues

But I'm still pretty hot.

~*~

Castiel tries to declare his affections by writing a poem

Roses are red

Violets are blue

But violets are violet

I don't understand this.

~*~

Bobby's always there to answer your call

Roses are red

I love alcohol

I'm the wise man

That once said balls.

~*~

Crowley, smooth and charming as ever

Roses are red

My mum's a whore

But I'm the king of hell

So...give me a call?

~*~

John Winchester's pickup lines

Roses are red

And my wife is dead

I'm a horrible dad

Hit me up for burning love.

~*~

Gabriel isn't fooling around anymore

Roses are red

I'm sweeter than candy

But I ain't tricking you

When I say be with me.

~*~

The rise of Dick

Roses are red

I'm a powerful guy

And I'm the only Dick

You need in your life.

~*~

Lucifer is legit a total gentleman

Roses are red

And I'm heaven-sent

But I won't make moves

Until you say yes.

~*~

Kevin frigging Solo, everyone

Roses are red

I'm Kevin Tran

A badass cutie

I'm your kinda man.

~*~

Balthazar rhymes with rockstar omg it's a sign ladies

Roses are red

And I have a flair

I'll be your manservant

So call me—if you dare.

~*~

Garth Fitzgerald IV just wants to be loved

Roses are red

Violets in a bowl

I'm the only werewolf

That can make you howl.

~*~

Cain will literally kill his brother for you

Roses are red

And I feel a spark

I'm the firstborn bad boy

And on you I'll leave my mark.

~*~

Adam...wait, who is this guy again?

Roses are red

And they forgot me

I'd fall in hell for you

For your caged heat.

~*~

Oh my Chuck!

Roses are red

I'm a deadbeat dad

But girl, who cares?

'Cause I'll be your god.

~*~

(Final answer: Every. Thing. Else. And that includes drinking bleach. I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry . .---.)