River Song: Hello Sweetie

History Will Sing About Us

History Will Sing About Us

The Doctor always knew that introducing River Song to Winston Churchill was a bad idea.

She's lounging on her cot in Stormcage when the Tardis materializes in front of her. "Hi honey! I'm home!" The Doctor says exuberantly as he pops out of his blue box. "And what sort of a time do you call this?" She says back. She wrinkles her nose. "I think we might need a new catchphrase, Sweetie." "What ever for? I like our catchphrase!" He says with mock indignation. She shakes her head at his flailing arms and chuckles. "This is the third time I've had to say that today, and that's just today!" The Doctor scrunches up his face in fake bemusement. "I've already visited you twice today? I think I'd remember that." He says teasingly. She rolls her eyes at him and he sonics open her cell door. "Anyways," he continues as she walks out. "I like our catchphrase." "It makes us sound like an old married couple." River laughs. "Well, we are an old married couple!" The Doctor says as he bops her on the nose. She raises her eyebrow and he realizes his mistake. "Oh! Not that you're old-I mean I'm old-and you're not-and we are married-" River cuts him off with a quick peck on the cheek. "My, you are really flustered today, aren't you? Bless." She smiles fondly at him, her goofy Doctor. "We must be early for you." "Not so early." The Doctor replies, giving her a quick little kiss that does not satisfy her in the least. "I just did the volcanoes of Castor yesterday." She flips through the pages of her diary, (which the Doctor hadn't noticed before) and smiles when she finds the right page. "Ah, yes. Ok, I know where you are now." "Well of course you do. I'm at Stormcage, right next to you." The Doctor says smugly, proud of his clever response. She rolls her eyes and the Doctor leads her into the Tardis.

He's trying to drive to Raxicoricofallapitorious but River keeps doing everything wrong. "The lever goes down!" He says, whirling about as he tries to undo everything she's done. "Yes, it goes down. Only if you want to end up in a supernova! Again!" She says in exasperation. "Oi! That was one time! And you may be the Child of the Tardis but she's still MY Tardis!" He says petulantly. She huffs but doesn't stop twirling around the console, pushing buttons and pulling levers when he's not looking. "You're acting like a child." She tells him. He flounders for a good retort and finds none. "Yeah? Well, takes one to know one." He says at last, letting go of the controls to cross his arms and pout. River laughs and he can't keep the smile off of his face when he hears the sound. She opens her mouth to say something cheeky but is interrupted by the phone ringing. The Doctor remembers he's supposed to be driving and hurries to check the controls. "Put it on speaker phone." He says to River as the room jostles. "I know what to do, old man." She scoffs. He smiles and appreciates the fact that he doesn't have to instruct River on how to put the phone on speaker, she already knows. That fact irks him and makes him all hot at the same time. "I thought I was a child." He says lightly. "You are." She replies as she picks up the phone. "An old man-child." He pokes her lightly in the ribs and sticks his tongue out at her.

"Hello?" A voice shouts from the speakers. The Doctor instantly recognizes it. "Winston Churchill! How are you, old boy?" "I'm in the middle of a war, I'm trapped in my office, and assassins are trying to get in!!" Winston says. "We'll be there in a moment." River says. "Doctor, who was that? Was that a woman? It doesn't sound like Amelia. Is that the woman? The woman you said was hel-" "Goodbye, Winston!" The Doctor yelps. "See you soon!" He practically slams the phone into its holder and can feel River's eyes boring a hole of curiosity into his back. He swallows hard and turns to peek at her. She's staring at him with amusement. "It seems as though Winston got cut off." She drawls, sauntering closer to the Doctor as he simultaneously backs away. "Care to finish his sentence? I believe you know what he was going to say." He backs himself all the way into the seat behind him and River inches up closer. She's got him trapped, and the Doctor can tell she's enjoying it. "Well." She says as she slowly brings her finger all the way down from his cheek to his chest. He squeaks. "Have anything to say?" River drawls and the Doctor mentally curses her as he tries not to shiver. She's such a tease. "I might have said you were, umm... Hell in high heels?" He turns the answer into a high-pitched question as he scrunches his eyes closed. He waits for a slap but when it never comes he risks peeking his eyes open. River is silently laughing at him and he's too relieved to feel indignant. "What a compliment." She finally chokes out, her voice going from amused to sultry in a matter of seconds. "You are quite the flatterer." She comes even closer to the Doctor, pulls at his arms, and wraps them around her waist. "River, what are you doing?" He asks, wary of her sneaky charms even as he tugs her impossibly closer. "I think Winston can manage without us for a few more minutes." She says as she wraps her arms around his neck. "But there are assassins." He protests weakly. "We've got a time machine." She reminds him. "But-" "Oh, shut up and kiss me!" And so he happily complies.

Winston is getting a bit worried. It's been five minutes since he called the Doctor and the Tardis is still nowhere to be seen. He hears gunshots go off and prays for a miracle. The Tardis materializes by the door, and Winston swears the Doctor timed it like that on purpose. The Doctor pops out of his box and a blonde woman in a black dress comes out after him. The woman waves at Churchill and promptly walks out the door. "Doctor! That woman can't go out there! There are assassins out there!!" The Doctor walks next to him and leans against the desk. "Oh, she'll be fine. We took a peek at the hall a moment ago and there's only seven assassins out there. And they're not even aliens. She's got this." "She's wearing a dress." Winston says, still slightly scandalized that the Doctor let someone go into danger alone. "Yeah, I told her not to, but River loves making a good first impression." Winston's eyes widen in recognition. "That's River Song?" "My bespoke psychopath, and now my lovely wife." "You're married?" The Doctor nods, a smile on his lips. They are silent for a moment as they listen to the fight outside. "So." Winston says. "Hell in high heels?" The Doctor grins sheepishly and Winston takes it as confirmation. "I can see that." He says thoughtfully. "I can hear you two talking about me!" River calls through the door. "All good things!" The Doctor yells. "They better be!" Comes her reply. "She's also Amelia Pond's daughter." The Doctor tells him. "I can see that too." Winston says with a smile.

There's a silence as the fight ends and River sweeps into the room, completely at ease, as if the small battle she had just won hadn't even fazed her. It hadn't. Her gun is hidden in the folds of her dress and the Doctor watches with baited breath as she walks across the room. "Hello Mr. Churchill. It is such a pleasure to meet you." She says, her voice dripping with flirtatious charm, and Winston is obviously, instantly enchanted. "Please, call me Winston." She holds out her hand to shake his, but he kisses it instead. "Ever the gentleman." She says coyly. Immediately, the Doctor can see where this is heading and he doesn't like it. "Ok! Everybody's met everybody! River, it's time to go." She pouts at him. He'd be tempted to kiss her if he wasn't so desperate to leave. "Oh, but Sweetie, I was hoping to have lunch with Winston." She lightly touches Winston's arm and the Doctor gets even more uneasy. "You wouldn't mind having lunch with us, would you?" She asks Winston. "I would love to." He says enthusiastically. The Doctor shakes his head and gestures to the Tardis. "Actually, we were going to Raxicoricofallapitorious, remember? And Winston is NOT allowed in the Tardis!" Winston grumbles and River chuckles. "Then let's eat here." She says, ever so practically. "No no no." The Doctor says frantically. "Raxicoricofallapitorious waits for no one!" "You have a time machine." River says dryly. "River!" She sees he has his 'serious face' on, and sighs. "Oh well, some other time then, Winston?" "I shall look forward to it." Winston says heartily. "Not if I have anything to say about it." The Doctor mutters under his breath. River hears him and laughs as she steps into the Tardis. The Doctor runs around the console and breathes a sigh of relief when they hit the time vortex. "What was that?" River asks him, amused. "What was that? What about you?!?" He cries, defensive. "You're all flirty, what else am I supposed to do?" She kisses him, and his rant dies in his throat. "Well, we could do that." He says happily. "We could definitely do that." She shakes her head at him in amusement. "Oh Sweetie, what am I going to do with you?" "Well, I could think of a few things." He says coyly as he slips his arms around her. She practically purrs as she melts into him. Before he completely loses himself in the sensation of River, his mouth says something incredibly dumb. "Just promise me you'll never meet Jack Harkness." He immediately wants to suck the words back into his mouth, but it's too late. "Who's Jack Harkness?" River asks, her eyes alight with curiosity and mischief. The Doctor chuckles weakly. "Ummm... Spoilers?"