Emily and Samuel ✔️

NINE

If I can't hold you now

I stopped talking and softly sang along with Birdy since Zack didn't look like he was going to pick up the phone anytime soon.

Keep thinking that you might not come around

He pressed and hold onto the lock button at the side of his iPhone, cutting off Birdy and placed it roughly on the table, his scowl still firmly on his face.

Not wanting to show my annoyance at him for cutting off the song since it must have been for a good reason if he had to off his phone, I cleared my throat to get his attention. "Do you want to talk about it? Or I can pretend that never happened and we can finish this chapter."

"It's just Jia Min, she's being," He trailed off, thinking off a better word to describe the girlfriend he tried so hard to woo in the first place. "Difficult."

"Care to explain?"

"I don't even know where to start, I don't even know if we can continue this, this thing going on between us. She thinks I'm cheating on her 24/7, thinks I'm cheating on her with you when you're in freaking Australia right now, thinks I've been cheating on her with you ever since the beginning, thinks I'm in love with you the whole time." He said exasperatedly, rubbing his hand down his face.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, seeing as she hated me since day one. It started in Secondary school when she felt threatened by me for coming in first place for our finals, she made her hatred for me clear ever since. When Zack came into the equation, she made it clear I was never going to get Zack by helping him – not that I wanted him – since he was doing it for her and that he was never going to love a fat, ugly girl compared to her – skinny and pretty with her blue contact lens. So why was she jeopardising her relationship with Zack because of me now? Didn't she say I was below dirt and not even a worthy opponent? What changed?

"To be honest, I think you've improved a great deal. You don't really need my help anymore and I think your relationship with your girlfriend should be more important than your relationship with a friend like me. We'll wrap this chapter up and stop the sessions all together. I'm sorry I placed you in a position where you were stuck between me and her."

"What? Em, no. I – "

"Let's finish it up, I have to go soon." I interrupted him before he could sugar coat anything to me. Glad that he realised I wasn't particularly fond of the conversation, he exhaled softly and resumed his question before his girlfriend called. I didn't need to be cooed like a baby. It wasn't the first time someone picked someone else over me and it wouldn't be the last time anyway.

Besides, it wasn't even their fault. I allowed myself to get attached to someone, I allowed myself to lose control of my emotions, I allowed myself to become vulnerable, I allowed myself to get hurt repeatedly because I gave everyone the power over me. In the end, there wasn't anyone I could pin the blame on but me because I'm doing it again with Samuel.

📚

A knock sounded on the door. Too tired to look behind at whoever interrupted my silence, I lay there like a doll, unmoving.

Just like a doll, I was scooped up gently and wrapped in warm, familiar arms from behind me. The familiar pair of hand brushed my hair out of my face and tucked them behind my ear.

"Ducky, what's wrong?"

Where do I even begin? I breathe in his minty scent and peeled myself off him, adjusting my body so we sat like high school girls on the bed about to share a giant secret.

"Uh-Oh, you got that crease on your forehead. What happened? Was it that monkey from yesterday?" It was his tone that warmed my heart. I couldn't believe I let my emotions cloud my mind again, how could I ever feel unloved knowing I have such amazing parents to back me up?