My Best Friend's Werewolf

43 To Lose My Humanity

A few days after revealing the news to my parents, Jasper shows up at my door.

"Ready to start?" he asks.

I look down the hallway expecting my parents to appear but they're at work. My mom goes on maternity leave tomorrow. The baby is due soon.

"Uhh. . . sure."

Jasper takes me deep into the woods across from my house. Kicking his shoes off, he peels off his shirt.

Completely uncomfortable, I slide off my tennis shoes.

"We're going to work on your senses. As a wolf they're heightened. You'll notice slightly in your human form as well." His eyes drop from my head to my bare feet. "You may want to change so you don't shred your clothes."

"Can you turn around then?"

"Nudity is going to bother you after the other night?"

"I'm trying to forget that night."

He rubs his forehead, turning way. "I forgot how stubborn humans are."

I strip out of my clothes and close my eyes, letting the shift roll through me. I land on four paws.

Not giving me a warning, Jasper throws off his bottom clothing and is naked for two seconds before he's covered in fur.

He trots up to me, shoving his snout in my face. With my hearing, his sniffing sounds like he's inside my head. Before I can stop him, his tongue quickly travels up the side of my head. I drop down, wiping my face with my paw.

Shaking his head, Jasper heads away from me. He jerks his head, telling me to follow. I pull myself to my feet, worried about what he'll get me into.

******

I leave Jasper in my driveway, forcing myself to not give in and glance back as I open the door. That need is shattered when a dark blue palate lands at my feet. Eliza stands before me, her face red with splotches.

"Eliza?" I swallow.

"That was on my front porch." She jerks her head toward the painting. I stare at it. Someone took a lot of time to depict Eliza. On it her face is sunken in, and she's injecting a needle into her arm.

"They know," she says. "They know about my parents' past, and they'll never let me forget it. Xavier didn't know about it. None of his pack did. I wasn't judged there." She shoves her finger in my chest. "Why did you have to pull me away, Addy? Why did you have to do it?"

"I—"

"Now I get to watch you spend time with the luprau. You didn't lose anything, Addy. You've never had to deal with loss."

I shove her hand away from me. "I lost you! I lost my best friend and thought she was dead. Is that not real loss to you? Is it, Eliza? You are not your parents, do you understand that? You get to make your future from here on out."

"I wanted it to be with him. I wanted to start over, and he was my way out."

I take a deep breath, calming myself. "Please, Eliza, I don't trust myself right now."

"Exactly, because that luprau bit you and yet you're spending all your time with him—by yourselves. Xavier never did that to me and yet he's the bad one."

"I can't do this right now." I walk past her to my room, slamming the door.

"Addy," she calls from the other side.

"I'm not myself anymore."

"Because of him."

My body trembles and I grab a pillow, squeezing my hands into it. I didn't ask for this. I wanted my best friend, my family, my life. I didn't think saving Eliza would tear her farther from me.

"I'm not done talking to you." She pounds on my door.

"Well I am." I shove my face in the pillow, inhaling the fresh scent of detergent. Detergent that my mom used. I'm back home. With my parents. Without my humanity.

"I'd suggest letting Addison be."

I pull the pillow away at the sound of Jasper's voice.

"You tried killing her," Eliza says. "If her parents knew that they'd never have agreed to allow you to come around here."

"Unless you want Addison to be killed then I suggest keeping your mouth shut."

I toss the pillow on my bed and open the door. "You're back?" I ask him, ignoring Eliza.

"I heard you two arguing."

I close my eyes, letting my shoulders relax, and face Eliza. "I know you're upset that I have my. . . mate, but it's not like that between the two of us."

She ducks her head. "I thought I at least had you to still understand how I felt." She casts a glare at Jasper before leaving.

I sag against the wall, and Jasper's arms find me and keep me up.

"Humans just don't understand."

"Excluding me from humans doesn't help me feel any better."

"You're so much more than them now."

I turn my head, staring at a family portrait of my parents and me in ugly Christmas sweaters. "Can I not be human and still retain my humanity?"

"It's hard to want to show them any tenderness when you know they would string you up and shoot you if they only knew what you were."

"But we're stronger than them. . ."

"They outnumber us." His hands are still on my arms, his body close to mine. I keep my eyes on his.

"We have to bare our stomachs when needed and bite when the opportunity is there. Humans make horrible friends, and if we want to stay alive then we have to play like they do."

"My family though. . ."

"Once your brother is born do you think they'll want a ticking time bomb around him? When you're eighteen, I wish you'd come live with the pack."

"And give up on my humanity completely?"

"Yes."

I shake my head and look away again.

"It's hard for me to understand what's so great about it. I've always just been wolf. Things are so much simpler in the pack. You live by a hierarchy, you always know your place—where you stand. You find your perfect half. . ."

I tense.

". . . have some kids and raise them. Maybe get a human job along the way. Humans focus so much on who rules what country, but we only care about who is alpha of what land. Human politics don't affect us. We aren't affected by the desire for world peace or the want to help starving humans. Our focus is our pack." He drops one of his hands and grazes my hip, just above where Xavier bit me. My stomach churns. "You have a pack. Addison, lose your humanity."

"I—I can't."

He steps away. "There's only so much I can do."

So Exported is out now and I wanted you guys to be able to join in the giveaway. I'm giving away a copy of Once Upon Now. I'm going to write a message in it to you and include a Wattpad sticker. You can find the link on my wall, Twitter (@MikaelaBender), or in the external link if you're on the web. It ends in two days and unfortunately is only open to US residents due to shipping.