Hold Tight

Two.

I sat down in my desk, watching the clock goes by. Not even paying any attention to what my teacher is saying about the lesson. All I could hear was the sound of the clock ticking away, and the faded mumbling escaping from my teacher's mouth. My mind was completely out of focus on reality, but on my own little world, the perfect little world I wish I could live in.

The buzz of the bell woke me up from my fantacy world. I gathered my books, but before I could head on out, I heard Mrs. Youndt call me over to her desk. I picked up my things and walked over to her. Once everyone left, she pulled out her laptop and began to speak, "Ms Turner, you are not doing very well in my class. Why is that?"

I stood there, I shrugged my shoulders, trying to hold back my tears because I actually thought I was doing quite well on my assignments and homework. She turned her laptop towards my way and pointed towards my mark. It was marked as a 43%. I choked back and nearly lost my breath. I nodded and sped walk out the door. I ran down the hall to my English class, walking in as the final bell buzzed. My teacher turned to face the door where I stood, I quickly walked to my seat holding my head down. "You're late," she snapped.

I nodded and kept to myself the whole entire class. This is not a day that I was expecting, it's actually a lot worse..

***

I was shoved out of the English classroom as the lunch bell buzzed. I got myself out of the heavy crowd and walked down the science wing to go to my locker. I put in my combination and swung my locker door open. I threw my books into my bag, put my bag over my shoulder, and looked over to my right. There stood Amber and Jenny with about three other girls walking behind them, all heading my direction. I quickly shut my locker, locking my lock back on and walked the other way. I could feel them following behind, hearing them whisper and giggling. I quickly turned the corner. As I did, I bumped right into someone that caused me to walk back into Jenny. I looked up to realize that it was that group of guys from this morning. Brandon was even standing there. They all crowded around me.

"Watch where you're walking you son of a bitch!" John yelled.

"She's as blind as a bad, you know," Amber called out.

"Also as stupid as one," one of the other girls added on.

They all formed a circle around me, then I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my leg causing me to fall over. "You're such a clumsy fat ass, did you know that?" Jenny screamed.

They all crowded around me, began to all kick, hit, spack, whatever they could do to make me feel pain. I screamed and cried as they all went harder and harder. Where were the fucking teachers? Can't they hear me screaming and crying for help?

They each took their final kick, leaving me bruises and nearly broken bones on my body, they all left. Except for Amber, who kneeled down beside my aching body, and whispered, "No one fucking likes you here, you don't belong here you worthless cunt. Kill yourself."

She then stood up and walked down the hallway. I rolled around on the ground, crying my eyes out, not being able to feel my left side. I slowly sat myself up, pushed my body with full force causing more pain to go through my body. I could feel my shoulder and knee out of place, I could tell my the black/purple colour appearing on my arm, it wasn't going to be fun to move around. I grabbed onto the side of the wall and pulled myself up, causing a loud aching screaming to escape from my mouth. I could feel my knee shifting in ways it shouldn't, same goes with my shoulder. I yelped as I bent to pick up my bag. I limped down the hallway, heading down the stairs to find my grandmother's vehicle waiting outside, ontime for once.

She drove me up to my drive way, I thanked her with a weak smile. Before I could get out of the car, she held onto my shoulder, which I then turned around to face her. "Are you okay, dear?" she asked me.

I swallowed the hard lump in my throat, holding back the tears that want to escape my eyes, and showing off my ordinary fake smile and replied,"I'm fine, grandma."

I gave her a quick side hug, hopped out of the car and headed my way into the house. As I came in, I started yelling for my mother to see if she was home. So far, there was no response. I walked into the kitchen to see there was a snack set out for me with a side note beside it that said:

Amy, 

I have gone out to Toronto for the next few days for a conference. I'm not quite sure how long I'll be gone. I left some money in the drawer beside the fridge for you to get groceries. I also left the keys for the car for you if you need to go anywhere. I give you permission to drive to school but it's only until I get home, then you're back on your limits. Note that I have talked to your Chemistry teacher and I will call you tonight and we're having a discussion about it.

Love you, see you soon. - Mom

I set the note back down onto the table and walked over to the cabinets to look for snacks. As I searched one by one, there was nothing but junk to eat, as usual. I gave up on my search and walked to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. I walked out towards my living room, sat down onto the couch and turned on the TV.

I scrolled through the menu to find something interesting to watch. I turned on some stupid reality show since it seemed to be the only interesting thing on the television. I opened my phone and scrolled through my Facebook feed. I saw my messenger light up showing I have a message. I opened it to see it from Amber saying

Amber Thomas: You know no one at that school likes you. People all around you hate you. Including your so called "best friend". She says shit about you too. So just saying, do us all a favor. Bitch.

I read it but I didn't respond. I closed my phone and tried to focus my thoughts on the bullshit that's playing on the TV screen. My head just continued to spin. The continuous thoughts of the words that are constantly said to me daily. I try to remind myself its not worth it.

I fall out of my seat and onto the floor. I hug my knees, rocking myself back and forth, screaming out my anger, as the water continuously falls from my eyes. I begin to dig my fingers into my arms roughly, having the very hard erg to reopen my scars from the other week. I begin to lose control of my breathing, and try to gasp for air. I attempt to stand myself up, but fail as I collapsed back down onto the ground. I scream more, and cry harder into my knees. I pull myself fully off the ground and run up the stairs into my room.

I hold myself up with my dresser. I look up at myself in the mirror. All I see is that ugly, fat, worthless girl everyone hates. I continue to break down into tears as I struggled to open my drawer, and searched to find my broken pencil sharpeners. I picked up the blade, holding it close down to my inner arm, close to my wrist. I pressed down with as much pressure as I could, and sliced it across, causing blood to quickly rise out of the cut. I continued up my arm. Three cuts. Four cuts. Seven cuts. Ten cuts. As much as I could until I couldn't handle anymore, and felt relief. I threw the blade back down into the drawer, hiding it under my bras as best as I could. I walked to the bathroom and rinsed my arm as well as I could. Then walked back into my room, and threw on a hoodie to cover myself

As I came back down the stairs, I heard a knock on the door. I walked towards it, and I opened it. I stood in shock to see who I saw, standing at my front door..