Hold Tight

Four.

"Amy, seriously, stop being so insecure and come out so I can see the damn outfit." Bethany snapped.

I can't help but feel insecure. Knots began to form inside my stomach, causing me to feel extremely sick. Why would Brandon want to even go out with me in public? I'm just a complete mess. Not skinny, not pretty, full of cuts and scars, full of constant depression and anxiety, just a complete mess in general. I walked out of my closet towards my bed where Beth sat. I was wearing a nice, light pink sweatshirt that had lacing tied in the back, with a pair of white jeans, along with my "grandpa" socks folded down, wearing my birkenstock sandals. My hair was put up into a high, nicely made messy bun, with my face plastered in makeup. I felt beautiful, but I'm sure I didn't look it. I looked up to see Beth's jaw dropped that I swear it was going to smack the floor. "YOU LOOK SO AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL, AMY!" She screamed as she stood up, ran over and hugged me.

I showed a weak smile on my face and kindly thanked her by hugging her back. I pulled her away and walked over to my mirror. I turned from side to side, feeling a little bit confident in myself, I actually believed I look good for once. My smile grew bigger the closer I looked at myself. I looked over at my best friend standing next to me, who was holding onto the biggest smile on her face. She took my hand and dragged me down the stairs.

By the time we got down the stairs, there was a knock on the door. Bethany shoved me towards the door, and stood by it, jumping up and down with excitement, more excitement that what I feel and could show. The knots turned into butterflies in my stomach, going nuts as I opened the door to see him standing there. At least 5'11, dark hair, green eyes, beautiful smile, wearing his baseball cap that he loves, and his normal blue jeans and dark grey hoodie. He looked at me with a smirk on his face. "Wow," he said.

I stood there, I could feel my cheeks burning up to his reaction of looking at me. Although the anxiety rises to if he likes it or not. "So, are you ready to go?" he asked me.

I nodded my head and followed him towards the sidewalk, I looked behind me and waved at Beth who was smiling quite widely and waving like a crazy person. I looked back towards Brandon and followed him towards to where we were going.

We arrived at Tim Horton's (Oh it's so fancy I know, not what I at all expected.) we put our order in. I ordered small, due to my insecurities of eating in front of men, I just ordered a bagel and a coffee to go along with it. "Is that all you want, Amy?" he asked me to double check.

"Yea, that's fine." I replied.

He nodded his head. I pulled out money to pay, but he beat me to it. I handed him money to pay him back. He refused to take it, so I put it back in my pocket. I wasn't going to fight about it. We got our food and moved to sit at a table. I unwrapped my bagel, and looked up at him with his ginormous sandwich. I took small little bites at a time, and took small little sips out of my coffee. "Is that how you normally eat? Very small?" he asked me with a curious look on his face.

I shrugged my shoulders. And replied, "Just a little anxious, that's all."

"I understand," he politely said as he took a bite out of his sandwich.

I started to just stare at my food that was sitting in front of me. I couldn't eat because of how anxious I was getting. My mind was rushing with thoughts, and not understanding why he suddenly even cared when he just stood there watching me get beaten up. I looked up at him, his sandwich was completely gone. I gave him a very weak smile as he looked down at my half-eaten bagel. "Are you going to finish that?" he asked me.

"I'm just getting full, and not really that hungry." I stated.

"Is everything okay?" he grabbed onto my hand.

I tried so hard, I mean so fucking hard to not break down into tears. I don't know if he's even being real or playing a game. I'm scared. I'm scared of being hurt. I started to lose my breathing. I started gasping and coughing. It feels like someone was attached to my throat, using all their grip to block my way of getting air. My throat began to burn, I began to shake, I tried to stand up but I just fell completely. Everything started to spin around me. I could feel myself start to sweat, it was getting extremely hot inside. I felt Brandon put his arms around me, I could hear his faded voice, but can't understand what he was saying to me. My eyes started to feel heavier and heavier. I no longer could breathe, everything completely turned black.

---

I woke up in a room, completely white and full of blur. I sat up and continued to look around. Where am I? What happened? Am I even alive? I looked around me, and sitting next to me was a giant machine that I was literally attached to, needles stuck in my arm, and heart monitor attacked to my pointer finger. I looked on the other side next to me, there at Brandon and Bethany. Bethany's makeup dragged down to her face, completely smudged from the amount of crying she must've done. Brandon had dark bags under his eyes, he looked like he hasn't slept for days. I felt my heart sank looking at the both of them, mainly at Brandon because of what I had done.

I sighed loudly, causing both their heads slowly moved up completely in sink looking over at me. Beth jumped up and ran towards me, and hugged me tightly. I watched Brandon stand up and dragged himself over to sit on the edge of the bed. I looked up at Beth, her eyes full of water, and small drops slide down her face. "What the fuck happened, Amy?" she snapped.

"I-I-I don't know. Just, just thoughts came in my head, and I lost control." I admitted as I broke down into tears. "I'm so fucking sorry, I don't deserve anything right now. I shouldn't even be alive."

"Beth, can I talk to her, alone?" Brandon quietly asked.

"Yea, fine." Beth agreed as she stomped out of the room.

She closed the door behind her, and Brandon moved closer to my weak, still body. He placed his hand on my cheek, as his eyes began to water, and tears began to slide down his face. "I thought I was going to lose you," he cried.

"Why? Why do you suddenly care so much about me? Besides, what is there to even to care about me? I'm nothing important. Just a mistake." I stated.

"Amy, can't you see? You are important to me---" he stopped. He looked down on my arm and saw the revealing cuts and scars. He looked up at me, then lost himself completely in tears. He pulled me in closer to him. Hugging me tight. "Please, please don't do this. You are so worth it, and loved, and you deserve to live happily."

I pulled myself away. I looked into his green eyes, that were full of tears. "If you cared, why did you just leave me on the floor, watching me get beaten by your friends?" I screamed.

"Because I didn't know what to do," he yelled. "You don't think that hurt me watching you get hurt by MY friends? Do you know how hard it was to stay back and not help you? Amy, I like you, I really like you. I have for a while. I never could find the words to explain to them, my friends, or to you. I care about you, I truly do. Seeing you every day makes me so happy, it always makes my day better seeing you down the halls. You have no idea how I feel about you. I don't know how you feel about me, but I truly would be honored to be with your beautiful soul, as my girlfriend." Brandon stated, as he pulled my face closer and placed his lips onto mine.

Butterflies were going insane in my stomach. It felt like fireworks like the fourth of July were going off inside my mind. My heart melted with the touch of his hand rest on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against it. I rested my hand on his chest. I felt his hand fold into mine, intertwining our fingers. He pulled away after a few minutes, although it only felt like seconds. He pressed his lips onto my forehead as I go to rest it on his chest.

For waking up in a hospital, it still feels like a complete dream. But why does everything still seem to be going wrong? Why does this still feel fake? Or is it just the anxiety taking over my mind?