Hold Tight

Fourteen.

I slowly pulled myself up from the step I sat on. My chest ached, as if a piece of it was missing. That missing piece is Brandon. What did I do wrong? Am I really that fucked up? Does anyone actually give a shit about me at all? I dragged my heavy body towards my bedroom and threw myself onto the bed. I picked up the phone and went into Beth and my messages. That's when I lost my shit;

AMY TURNER: what the actual fuck Beth... what's wrong with u?

BETHANY PETERS: you. thats whats wrong. its all you. All you do is fuck up everything.

AMY TURNER: beth this isnt u

BETHANY PETERS: What isn't me? I am me. I only hung around with you because I felt so sorry for you. You can't even makes friends who don't feel bad about your shit. I wanted to be there for you, but you took advantage of it. You were never there for me when I needed you. Like when I had to go to the hospital because of my knee and ankle? What about my parent's divorce, where were you? I delt with bullying by Amber too but you never stood up for me. I did so much for you but you never did anything in return. Ever since Brandon came into the picture you pushed me away. You put this on yourself, Amy. You're just full of shit.

AMY TURNER: thats fucking bullshit beth... I was there for u. what r u smoking? ur the one who pushed me away since brandon came into my life, and you kicked him out. i was there for u, i stayed at ur house when the divorce was happening, i couldnt go to the hospital with u because i was away and u know that. ur just like amber. more than u think. u were never bullied by amber, when she said something hurtful i did stand up for u. i dont know what ur smoking or what ur doing but its full of shit.

BETHANY PETERS: Amber's right about you. You're a scam and attention seeker. I;m on her side. You should just find something better to do then just bitching at me. Because we both know where this is going.

AMY TURNER: what the hell do u mean?

BETHANY PETERS: You're a fake, Amy. And I don't want to be friends with a fake person.

AMY TURNER: go 2 hell.

BETHANY PETERS: that's where you'll be going, bitch.

AMY TURNER: fine. u have a good life.

BETHANY PETERS: Will be better now without you in it :)

I threw my phone across the room after reading that last message. I threw my face into my pillow and began to scream. "You fucking bitch!" I cried into my pillow.

Tears were rushing down my face as I sobbed into my pillow, hugging it tightly. She never cared. She just felt sorry for me. My chest began to ache a lot more then before. I lost officially another piece of me. I've lost everything. I sat myself up, and pulled out my laptop, logged into it and pulled up WordPad. I picked my font and colour and began to write:

To whomever finds this,

I've lost everything. My best friend, my boyfriend, my hopes and dreams, everything. I've lost myself. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't go on, I can't do this. All this pain, it's killing me. This pain need to end. And I hope when you find this, you'll find me to, but it won't be a happy finding. I'll always love Brandon, I have for a long time. Bethany, even though you hate me, and took advantage of me, I do still care about you, and I hope you can forgive me for what I've done that caused everything to end like the way it did. To my mom, I'm sorry I've disappointed you. I hope you can forgive me and hope you succeed in the job you've always wanted, because you never took the time to be there for me because it was just an "act" to you. Grandma, you loved me and were there for me even when you didn't realize. I know you have no idea what's going on with me, but I hope you realize it's not your fault on any of this. It's no one's fault. Amber, although you hate me, and you've gotten your wish. I still respected you and hope you'll become a better person one day..

To whomever finds this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've failed to go on.

Sincerely, the unloved, Amber Turner....

I left my laptop open on my bed. I slowly sat myself up onto my bed and buried my head into my hands as I sobbed quietly. I guess this is the end. I stood myself up and walked over to my dresser. I pulled out the sharpest blade out and walked to the bathroom and locked the door. I ran the bath water, ice cold. I looked myself in the mirror one last time before opening the cupourt to find several medication pills sitting on the shelving inside. I pulled out a bottle of painkillers and set them down on the sink top. I look my deep breaths before walking towards the bathtub. I put my feet in, one by one, feeling the coldness run through my skin. I sat in it fully clothed. My heart was racing, tears were racing down my face. I picked up the jagged edge and placed it on my inner arm, drawing lines into my skin, causing sharp pain causing me to cry harder, and blood to drip out and fall into the water. Again, and again, and again until by arm was covered in cuts and blood. The room began to darken, fade, my sight was about to drop. I opened the cap and dropped the pills in my hand, throwing them into my mouth, struggling to swallow them all down. I heard soft bangs coming from the one end of the room, I began to slide slowly down into the water. My faded sight caught a glimpse of a figure standing over me before I shut my eyes for the final time, falling into the cold, cold water. Everything was dark. Everything was gone. Until I saw a bright white light in front of me, and began to walk towards it. Surrounded by white lights, until suddenly, it faded back to black.