Letters to an Optimist

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The creaks and groans of the swings' hinges were the only thing keeping Logan from killing someone. 

To others, the noise would have annoyed them. To Logan, it reminded him of home, home with Ellie and his sister. Home with his parents.

Just home.

Why can't he have a real home? A home where he can be loved in, a home he can feel safe in. An actual home. 

More like no home at all. 

He's always been like this, hating to leave the peace fullness of the park to suffer at home with his mental parents.

But, what can you do at the age of seven? Go around begging for money? Selling some drug to idiots?

There isn't many things a seven year-old could do to run away from home.

"Logan?" He didn't look up, instead he carried on swinging softly backwards and forwards. He heard her soft footsteps on the grass before he felt a light pressure on his left shoulder. "Hey."

She hugged him from behind and he didn't stop her. He felt her hair tickle the back of his neck, soft tufts on her blonde hair falling over his shoulder.

"Ellie, what do you want?"

She froze, he felt it. 

"Ellie?"

She relaxed a little bit, but hugged him tighter. "Don't you dare leave again."

He sat there confused, feeling her arms around him in a warm embrace. Cold air whipped them but he was too tired to care, too numb to feel, and too miserable to move. 

He wanted to move, anything just to tell Ellie to leave. He raised his arm to tap her head but stopped when he heard her whisper. 

"please?"

It was the same heartbroken voice she told him the first time he left.

 The first time he abandoned the one person he actually loved. He left Ellie when he was sixteen. She was only fourteen, she wasn't scared. 

She was absolutely horrified.

Three years ago, Logan made a promise. 

He broke that promise more times than he'd like to admit, but he did. 

He broke them over and over again, always harming one person, and one person in particular.

Ellie.

He didn't notice it yet, but he felt moisture at the back of his neck, he stiffened, then stood up.

Ellie, being the stubborn girl that she is, still kept her arms around his neck. He easily towered over her five foot eight height by more than a few inches. She struggled slightly, considering her feet weren't touching the ground anymore since Logan decided to stand up.

Ellie opened her mouth but was silenced when Logan shifted her so she wasn't hugging his back, but his chest.  She looked up at him, slightly shocked with her mouth hanging open.

"Ellie?" He whispered softly, tears shed themselves from her blue eyes, and went down her cheekbones slowly. "Don't cry," he mumbled as he wiped away two of her tears. 

Her bottom lip trembled, her cheeks were a soft pink, her eyes looked like the ocean with tears pouring out of them.

Logan couldn't believe it. 

He finally did it.

He finally hurt her too much. 

He broke the one promise he made her, that she kept all this time.