Letters to an Optimist

xxxiii

She felt free.

Free and... clean. It was the only word she could use to describe how she felt. She felt clean, for the first time in almost five years. She felt relieved that the pain left her body, but hollow, as if something had been misplaced. Yet replaced by something stronger and healthier. Blanca couldn't figure what it was, she just knew something was off. 

As the anesthesia was wearing off, she began to regain her senses again. She wiggled her fingers and toes first, feeling a tingle whenever she tried to move. A habit she'd gotten from her time spent stuck in a hospital. 

next she attempted moving her heavy limbs and grunted once nothing happened. "stupid anesthesia," she murmured and struggled to lift her arms. Since the medication was still taking it's effects, her words were jumbled and seemed incoherent

 She growled in frustration before letting her body sag against the hospital bed. Light cotton covers had been draped over her body, she had an IV tube in her hand which stung and ached whenever she tried to twitch a finger on the hand the tube was injected in.

She didn't like this part of being in a hospital. The part of waiting till your body regained full composure. She'd have to stay still, slowly feeling her body come back to life before she could do anything.

But everything is what she wanted to do. She wanted to hug Eddie and finally see Logan. Physically see him. She'd imagined what he looked like, a lot. She'd wanted to know who she was talking too and the letters that captivated her attention. She wanted to meet who wrote them, she wanted to meet Logan.

***

The letters were crumpled.

Ellie stared at the words confused by what Logan had written to her. She didn't understand what he wanted specifically, or his message to her through this letters. She still cried once she finished reading over it. She thought the p.s at the end shattered her heart and the break could be heard from miles away.

He said he loved her at the end, and that he was sorry. He was sorry for all the stupid mistakes he'd done in the past, and loves her with his whole heart.

Ellie wanted him to know that she loved him as well, she wanted to hug the living day lights out of him, except, he might not be living to see day light ever again. 

"Damn it, Logan. Don't you learn from me yelling at you?" She whispered to herself. Slightly hoping her words would be taken by the winds to Logan, and hoping she hadn't gone mad. 

Mad people are always the best kind.

Logan.

Logan.

Blanca.

Eddie.

They're possibly all dead, and she was just Ellie. Just Ellie. Doing nothing but having panic attacks and nervous butterflies swarming inside her stomach. She wanted the worry to leave. She wanted to nerves to fly off. She wanted Logan to be here next to her. She also wanted Blanca to be next to him.

She sighed and looked away. 

She was far away from the hospital. She was far away from home. She was far away from everything. Ellie was gone, and she was taking Dave with her. She'd help him, she'd help him more than she helped Logan, to repay what she couldn't do. She'd help Dave. 

She called Dave after she'd made her declaration at the park. She called him and told him that she was leaving to England that night. Dave forbid her from leaving, but she ignored him. So he did the next best thing. He said he'd join her.

So here she was, waiting for Dave to arrive so they could leave to the airport and go home to England, where Ellie could break down crying while her mother calmed her down and pat her shoulder like she usually would if Ellie had an emotionally breakdown.

The sharp ringing of her mobile phone tore her thoughts away and she searched the pockets of her shorts and Logan's leather jacket-- she kept it with her, she wore it, and stuffed her phone in it before she left the park to get an ounce of Logan's confidence. Once her fingers brushed against the cool silver of her phone, she fished it out and swiped the glowing, green answer button.

"Hello?" She asked, putting her phone to her ear, not bothering to look at the caller ID.

"Ellie!" Dave exclaimed through the phone so loud that Ellie pulled it away from her ear and winced. "Ellie, you have to come down here-"

"Woah, Dave, where the hell are you? You're supposed to be at our apartment, remember? I just paid the rent and thanked the landlord for letting us stay in it while Logan was sorting out his shit."

"This is about Logan sorting out his shit, his life shit!" 

"Come again?" Ellie was confused, she didn't understand Dave at that moment, she was too tired to understand anything, but one sentence pulled her senses together and made her jump off the bench outside the apartment they rented.  

"Blanca's awake," Ellie held in her happiness once she noticed the continuation of Dave's sentence. She held in her breath waiting for him to finish his sentence.

"and so is Logan."

*****

HAHAHAHHA, hi, my lovlies! The epilogue is left *cheers* I'm so happy, this is short, I need it to be short. I'm too much of a lazy ass to write more cx

please tell me what you think, I hope you enjoyed reading LTO so far :) I have some good news in in the a/n of the epilogue [it'll be posted soon] and I hope you'll like it :)

BTW LTO PASSED  10.8K READS. THAT IS OIAnrvsjkvnmgv I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH <3

-Mack