My Dirty Little Secret

Secret Ninety-Six: Bromance is Romance Too

You know that saying they tell you, when they are all like 'opposites attract' well, *ahem* let me tell you. That's bullshit with a big capital B. There are just some people, that even if they wanted to be together, would just enter into this weird crappy abusive relationship that wouldn't be worth its salt. Yes, I'm telling you that is possible. Because, this ship, there isn't a possibility in all of the world, that these two could possibly be together. 

'What?' you ask. 

'But I still ship it' you say. 

And then there are those of you, who might also consider this phrase 'who tf are you even talking about?' 

Would you like to know the reason why these two won't be able to be together? Don't lie to me, I'm the Author, I know you want to know.

Because they are straight (ROFL). 

Well, they think they are anyway. No lie, they believe, with all of their little hearts, that the person they are most attracted to, is this chick named Asseylum. She is beautiful, long flowy blonde hair. That rich dad she never got to spend time with as a child. That lovely closet filled with outfits she has only worn once in her life. Those shoes she could stab people with because the heels are so high. Personally, I don't like her. What? No, it isn't because she gets in the way of my ship. Pfff. What are you talking about Reader-Senpai? That isn't the reason at all! The real question here, is, who even has a name like Asseylum? I literally had to copy and paste that name, because I didn't even know how to spell it. Who comes up with this stuff? 

Not me. I'm not that creative. I mean dumb. I mean, nope, look at that train of thought fly. Whoops. Goodbye that piece of fun. *waves*

Moving on. 

Inaho Kaizuka: your average hard-working know-it-all brat. He is pretty chill, with a sprinkle of sass and 'Fuck U'. He cares for people, but doesn't really like showing it. (CAN SOMEONE SAY KUUDERE?!) He is a smol bean at heart, but can say some things that lead to people wanting to punch him in the face for his insensitivity, or facepalm (correction, facetable) because he lacks social intelligence (also known as social skills, or the ability to communicate with human things).

Slaine Troyard: an emotional potato wedge. He is probably a yandere, if you ask me, but who knows, maybe is just the overly obsessive/jealous type that wants to kill the people who get close to senpai (yandere, what did I tell you? Why don't you listen to me the first time Reader-Senpai? Tch.) Don't get me wrong tho, he is just as hard-working as Inaho, but, well, he isn't as good at doing things. Sure, he means well, but, he is a bit of a clutz. He cares deeply for others, and does his best to help them, but sometimes he just misses the mark. Or sometimes, those people he tries to help, just end up walking all over him.

It started out, as a friendly crush. Slaine fell in-love with the beautiful Asseylum, the 'queen' of the school (people felt 'princess' wasn't enough to express how wonderful she was. So they took the Elsa route and went with 'queen'). Little did he know, that Inaho, his best friend at the time, also had a considerable crush on the wonderful Asseylum. The two loved her in secret, each trying occasionally to get closer to her. Each of them living their lives, in such bliss, ignorant of the other's emotions.

Then one day, the fire nation attacked.

*cough* *hack* sorry, did I say something? No, uhm, *looks at notes* yes right...back to the chapter writing...

Then one day, Slaine attempted to confess his feelings. They were on the roof, after school, because according to anime, that is always the perfect place to confess your feelings (and the classroom). Slaine stood there, watching, as Asseylum was looking off into the distance, at the sunset. The wind was blowing through her long hair, the sunlight hit her face just right. She was stunning, absolutely stunning. But to be honest, she was always on point to these guys.

"What did you want to talk to me about, Slaine?" she asked, turning her head to the side a bit. Her smile shot arrows through his heart, he wanted to just blurt it out. To tell her how he felt, how he had been feeling all of this time. 

When he interrupted. 

"I like you! I've liked you for a long time now, please go out with me," Inaho asked. He had run up the stairs to the roof, and spoke his words before Slaine could even try. How could he? Slaine felt betrayed, he felt hurt. They were best friends! Why would he do something like that?!

Slaine punched him in the face, they got into a fight, since Inaho decided to be a jerk and fight back. The two were neck and neck with each other. Their friendship ended, no doubt. Their goddess, not knowing how to stop them, simply stood by and watched the entertaining duel. She needed to tell them the truth, that she actually had a girlfriend, but she never managed to squeak that detail in. 

So, for the rest of their terrible high school life, they fought with each other on everything. They were no longer friends, but rivals, refusing to accept what the other had to say. All the while, their goddess still never managed to tell them the truth. They wouldn't have listened to her. They were too interested in each other (yes, I know what I wrote) to care. 

"Please! This has to stop!" Asseylum cried out, the two were neck 'n' neck, fighting with each other once again. It was their graduation day, and they still couldn't manage 2 seconds without fighting (reminds me of Shizaya). 

The two males looked to her, wondering what she could be so upset about, "I'm already happily in a relationship. I'm so sorry. I tried to tell you guys before, but, it seems you were much too concerned about each other. Why not try going out? I'm sure, if you tried, you might be able to become close to how you used to be," Asseylum let a tear fall from her eye, "I'm sorry. Really, I tried to tell you before. Please forgive me. But this has to end here, I will likely never see the two of you again, goodbye. Farewell, Slaine, Inaho," she said, turning on her heel and leaving the two. 

"She's gone," Slaine said.

"So she is," Inaho agreed.

"What have we been doing all of this time?" Slaine looked to Inaho, they were still quite close together, since they were both grabbing each other's shirts.

"I'm not quite sure..."

The two awkwardly let go of each other and created some distance. They both looked at the ground.

"Now what?" Slaine asked, like his life had been taken from him. Well, you could just kiss and everyone could be happy. You bunch of dumb butts. Yes, Reader-Senpai, I know I said that some people just can't be together, but not all relationships start off bad. They can have a brutal break-up in the end and go find some other person to love. Everyone needs that in their lives at least once, probably, for now, I would really just like to see this happy ending to the chapter. Thank you for understanding. 

"Uhm," Inaho scratched the back of his head and turned to Slaine. Slaine lifted his head as well, and looked to Inaho, "are you free tomorrow? Would you like to go to the movies or something?"

Boi.

If you don't say yes. I'ma come at you, you lil' punk.

"Sure," Slaine smiled. The two walked hand in hand into the sunset, on their romantic stroll back to their homes. Good. Everyone is happy, for now, until they start fighting again. Remember, opposites don't attract unless you be Grell and William, Izaya and Shizuo, or Lau and Japan. Understand me? Reader-Senpai, I said, do you understand me? Good, that's what I thought you'd say. The correct answer was, 'I'm going to ship what I ship because I'm a shipper tyvm.'

And that folks, is why you always tell your best friend who you are crushing on.

A/N: You've heard of 3rd person.

You've heard of 3rd person omniscient.

You've heard of 1st person.

Heck, you've probably even heard of 2nd person.

But what you haven't heard of, is 'Narrator doesn't give a shit' POV. Because I just invented it xD 

I'msosorrybutIhavebeenthinkingaboutthischapterforalongtime,eversinceIwatchedAldnoah.ZeroandtodaywasaweirddaysoIjustmadeitacrackchappywhoopsbuthey,thelastchappywasfun,right?