My Dirty Little Secret

Secret Sixty-Six: I'm Sorry, You Just Aren't Sexy...

"Teach me to strip," Ciel said. He had said it so simply, so nonchalantly, it took a while for Sebastian's mind to understand.

"Pffffff," Sebastian laughed, "you? Strip?" he lay on the bed, laughing continuously. This boy, could he even dance? Let alone strip...the only person who would ever find him sexy was Sebastian...

"I'm serious," Ciel puffed out his cheeks in annoyance, crossing his arms. He didn't have anything in particular to grow up and become, so why not be a stripper with Sebastian and everyone else? Svante was a nice place...for the most part. Ciel had been thinking about this for a while.

"I can't believe that is the first thing you tell me at the beginning of a new year," Sebastian sighed, trying not to break out into laughter again, "but honestly, you? Strip? There is no way in hell!"

"I'll have you know, I come from a long line of sexy males. I can totally seduce people on a pole. How hard can it be?" Ciel huffed, "I didn't realize you were so interested in the new year, considering your first dream was rather pervy, no?" Ciel smirked, looking down at Sebastian with a conceited grin.

"N-No..." Sebastian looked away, refusing to blush, refusing to acknowledge that he may or may not be hard right now because of that dream. Ciel should know already, considering he was sitting on Sebastian. There wasn't a point to lying but Sebastian didn't want to admit he had a dream like that...

The door was kicked open and Vincent stood there, like he had been summoned, "I heard 'long line of sexy males' and couldn't help myself. What are you guys talking about?" the father sat down on the bed beside the two, joining the girl's slumber party. 

"Your son wants to be a stripper," Sebastian answered pointing to Ciel, who was still sitting on him. Vincent choked on air and grabbed a pillow to hide his face in. He didn't want Ciel to see him laughing at him, so instead pretended to be distraught.

"You heard him, I want to be a stripper," Ciel closed his eye and sat there proudly. He was determined. Despite what these two morons said, he would be a stripper, he swore by it.

Removing the pillow and placing it back where it was originally, Vincent's face was stern, "there is no way you can be a stripper," he began, "not with your little sex appeal."

"See?"  Sebastian agreed, nodding, "wait, that is what you are worried about?" he looked at Vincent, this guy had his fatherly duties severely jumbled up. Shouldn't he be telling Ciel not to go into this line of work? Ah, but, Vincent was dating a stripper so...there wasn't much he could say to argue about that. But still. What happened to the over-protective father that sent sneaky glares to anyone that so much as glanced at Ciel? 

"At least not until your older and more sexy anyway," Vincent sighed. Sebastian blushed lightly, remembering the older version of Ciel from his dream.

"No, you can't change," Sebastian refused, "please be this adorable potato wedge for the rest of your life, I will make a contract with the devil, ah, no, wait, I am the devil," Sebastian reconsidered his train of thought, "eh, whatever, I will make a contract with myself just to keep you the same!" he begged.

"What exactly was the contents of your dream last night?" Ciel muttered.

"For now we have to use an alternate method," Vincent grinned mischievously, "crossdressing! You can't be sexy otherwise! Every gay man has at least some wet dream regarding their partner in weird clothes!" Vincent announced.

"Does that include you?" Sebastian asked, honestly curious.

"Now, now, Sebastian," Vincent smiled, "I can't tell you all of my secrets until you're actually my son-in-law."

A set of glowing eyes appeared inside of Ciel's closet. Sebastian and Ciel both jumped upon noticing this. Vincent didn't react, either he couldn't be scared by anything, or he just expected someone to be there.

Evil laughter came from inside the closet, the door slowly creaked open revealing The Undertaker. The male was holding a camera, he was going to make a nice entrance but he tripped over his feet and landed on his face. A+ for those skills.

"What was he doing in my closet?" Ciel asked his father, thinking he might know.

"Haven't the slightest idea," Vincent whistled, trying to avoid eye contact. He obviously knew but had no intention of telling Ciel. Ciel and Sebastian were too distracted by The Undertaker to pay any attention to the crossdressing idea.

The Undertaker leaped up from the floor and hugged Ciel from behind, grinning in that creepy fashion. He rested his head on Ciel's shoulder before showing him some of the photos on the camera. Ciel blushed at the sight of them, wondering why the hell The Undertaker took these.

"I've been trying for weeks to get you two in the action but all I can manage is a couple of changing pictures, do you realize how distressing this is?" the camera switched from pictures of Sebastian and Ciel in various situations, to one of Vincent sleeping.

"Whoops, you weren't supposed to see that one," The Undertaker shut off the camera and slid it in his pocket, blushing lightly under the fringe. Vincent could be so cute while he was asleep, it was hard to resist snapping a picture.

"Are you blushing?" Ciel poked The Undertaker, before attempting to push his head off of his shoulder.

"Are you?" The Undertaker hugged Ciel, moving his hands down the boy's body. Ciel blushed furiously, forgetting everything about the pictures he saw. Sebastian, who was not pleased at this turn of events, or the fact that he had another person sitting on him, kneed The Undertaker in the balls. The male fell backwards (off the bed) in pain and rolled on the floor. Vincent smiled condescendingly down at The Undertaker, quite happy with his almost son-in-law's choice of punishment.

In the end, Ciel never got his stripping lesson. 

All was seemingly well in the world, however, nothing in life ever stays that way...

A/N: Oh my, it has been a while, hasn't it?

Angry-Reader-Chan: *angrily gives the exact number of days, hours, minutes, and seconds since last update*

....*nervous laughter*

Reader-Chan: *cracks knuckles* this better not happen again

I'M SORRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY *runs away while Reader-Chan chases me into the darkness with their pitchfork*