Talent...and what to do with it

Chapter 4: Jess

How did you find a personality in four months or less? The letter lay on my desk. It was still saying the same thing and still filling me with dread. But it wasn't real yet. I had managed to intercept the letter and smuggle it here to the refuge of my desk.

And now this letter invaded my sanctuary. Maybe I could convince my parents that I wasn't so interested in the dream now? Doubtful. I had never been a very good actress, with the exception of a role as Mouse in the junior school play, which everyone knew was type casting. The thing was I wanted to go to Cambridge more than anything. It was all I had worked for. I had sacrificed my adolescence to study and prepare for all the exams that I had taken early and passed with flying colours. In truth, there wasn't really any sacrifice. I was desperate to finally be surrounded by people who understood my priorities. I dreamed of getting away from the trivia that surrounded me here: the daft girls at school who only thought about their next boyfriend and their clothes and makeup, the irritation of having to study subjects which were too basic for me, taught by teachers who could barely manage behaviour let alone actually get any real teaching across. In Cambridge I imagined being left in peace to ponder mathematical puzzles and push my brain beyond its current limits.

But now the letter. I knew I should be delighted that I had got through the first application round, but I hadn't looked closely enough at what would be expected in the next round. I knew there would be an exam. I had been preparing for that for the last year or so but I didn't suspect that there would be an interview too. "At Trinity we want the best mathematical minds the country has to offer, but we also want the students who have something extra. We want our students to demonstrate at interview that they have the personality, the interests and enthusiasms that makes them stand out."

I had read it over and again. I had highlighted the key words and written in the margin – music? I'd had to cross it out again. All mathematicians liked music. Anyway I only used it to help me concentrate and then I barely heard what I'd put on once I'd immersed myself in my work. I had no hobbies or interests other than maths. I liked playing with my little sister but apart from that I had no friends, I didn't go out anywhere and all I did was study. I suppose I was shy, but that didn't seem like the right word. Social situations didn't make me feel particularly awkward and I didn't ever feel desperate to try to get my words out. I just hadn't really got anything to say to the kids at school. As I sat contemplating this letter, I finally recognised that maybe I was the one in the wrong. Maybe it wasn't the rest of the teenage world that was shallow, maybe I just had no personality.

I was still upstairs when I heard Dad come home. I could tell he wasn't happy. The slamming door and the grumbles travelled upstairs. He'd gone straight to the Governors' meeting from work, and being hungry always made him grumpy. I ignored it, but when I heard raised voices I turned my music down to listen.

"But it is so short sighted of them! Don't they realise that someone with a gifted child is best placed to improve the school's provision for Gifted and Talented pupils?"

That was enough to tell me exactly what he was cross about. The only reason he'd put himself forward as a governor was so that he could get the best possible education for me. He would have loved to have been able to afford a private school, but had decided that if he had to make do with a state school then he would shape it into providing exactly what he wanted. It seemed the Head and other governors hadn't fallen for his latest scheme though.

"They said I was too close to it, and then they voted to dump Health Education on me. I mean come on! What do I know about sport and healthy eating? Don't they realise a school should be about making sure that the students come out with good grades, not about exercise!"

I couldn't hear mum's responses: her voice was calmer and she was obviously placating him like she always did. I knew she would be murmuring agreement while serving up his Spaghetti Bolognese and a large glass of red wine.