Biggest Wattpad Pet Peeves

Fake Readers

Almost everyone has these as well. Okay, maybe not some of the more obscure writers like me; I've never personally had this. Yet. But every popular writer deals with this.

You can tell by the comments you get on a story. (The fake readers always comment, because what would be the point otherwise?) They are also known as self-advertisers.

Some of them are subtle. 

Examples:

This story is great! (Aside: Do you see how I'm commenting on your work? You should totally check mine out in return!)

I love this! (Aside: I wonder what the story was about. Eh, whatever. Hopefully this will get the author to notice me.)

Just voted! (Aside: Just wanted to make sure you knew, so that you'd feel obligated to at least check out my work!)

Okay, the last one may not have been a fake reader, but they are still trying desperately to bring the author's attention to themselves. Hello, if an author wants to know who voted, they can find it on the home page. No need to brag about it. Have some class, guys.

Yes, I have read some Shakespeare (in Lit, not of my own free will!) and that is where the asides were coming from.

Keep in mind that not all comments like these are fake fans. Some genuinely mean it. If you are one of these people, I hope I didn't offend you. You can kind of tell the difference between fake readers and real ones, though.

And then there are also people who are very blatant about it.

For example:

I love your story, will you check out mine? (Aside: Good, I got an ad in on this random author's story too.)

Some just skip the sucking up part. I don't know if that's better or worse, but at least they're direct:

It would mean a lot to me if you checked out my story! (Aside: Even though I didn't check out yours!)

Or worst of all, totally ignoring the author and converting the comment section into their personal billboard:

Hey guys! You should all check out my story! I promise you'll like it! (Aside: Let's see how many readers I can steal from this author!)

I just want to shoot myself every time I see this.

The best (note sarcasm) is when the author specifically says, "Please don't advertise your story here!" When I see this, I scroll down and laugh at the self-advertisers who don't know how to read (not a good quality to have on Wattpad, guys!) and advertised anyway. Then I look at their profile for the sole purpose of checking out the aforementioned idiot (please forgive my harsh words) and making a mental note never to follow them. Sometimes I look at the blurb of their story and I laugh even harder when it's fraught with spammatical errors (this makes me think of spam...) and is extremely yawn-causing. Then I go back to the good story I was reading and never go to that writer's profile again.

It never ceases to amaze me how stupid some people can be. There's a club for advertising stories only a click away, so why advertise on the story of someone who will probably despise you and immediately delete your ad?

For those of you who like my oh-so-creative analogies, it's like parking your car in a no parking zone when there's an open parking lot right next to it. You may think it makes things easier, but you end up getting towed and a fine (or, in Wattpad's case, a deletion and angry people).

Okay, not all self-advertisers are thinking what I wrote in the asides, but it would be a sign of the apocalypse if I wasn't sarcastic in this. Besides, I'm sure there are some.

Here's some advice for all you self-advertisers: don't. (This is only on private stories, by the way. On the specific clubs, feel free to advertise to your hearts desire. Or message authors who say they take reading requests and ask them politely to look at your work.)

Sorry if this rant wasn't as sarcastically funny as others have been.