«dear diary» x fillie

«one»

Dear diary;

My name is Millie Bobby Brown. My story starts off as any other story, I have a loving family, caring friends, and I have a roof over my head. What else could I ask for?

When I turn sixteen I want to get one of those "three wishes" candles which grant you any three wishes you desire. Most people would ask me, "what are your three wishes?" But the twist is I actually don't have three wishes.

I have one.

One word, thousands of feelings.

Happiness.

Now you're probably wondering why I would be asking for happiness. I seem like the type of girl who has everything she needs. If you think that, you are horribly mistaken.

I don't know where my life got so messed up, or when I started feeling so useless, hopeless. One night I was debating on taking my own life or not. Yes, I am still alive and I have one person to thank for that. Finn Wolfhard.

Finn Wolfhard is my best friend, but there's a twist. I like him. Not only in the friendly way, but in the relationship type. And the best part is, I think he likes me back.

He knows about how I feel about myself and I think it's cute when he trys to help. He's trying to fix me, but here is the twist. You can't fix something that's already broken. Think about it like this:

You drop a glass container on the wood floor. It shatters. Sure, you can tape it back together (if you really had the patience and time,) but it can never be perfect again.

And I can relate to that glass container.

And Finn, he's the person trying to fix the broken glass, he has the patience and time.

I am that glass container.

"Try harder" they would tell me, "Try harder to love yourself."

But if only they knew how hard I tried.

I don't have anyone to blame but myself for how I feel. I'm a failure, I don't deserve to live this life. I look at myself and hate everything that I see. I'd be better off dead, at least that's what the schools popular girls say.

Sadie Sink and Maddie Ziegler, the worlds most idiodic, disrespectful little cunts. They've told me to take my own life before, they've tripped me in front of the whole cafeteria, hell, they've told me that my own family doesn't want me.

I try really hard not to let those two girls get the best of me, bur damn it's pretty hard especially since you already have a rare form of depression.

I live with my mother, my dad left me and my little sister Ava when we were younger. My mom started noticing a change in my behavior, my appitite, and overall- myself. She decided it was best to bring me to the doctors office where they could try to find out what was wrong with me. Three needles later I was officially diagnosed with "major depression." If you don't know what it is, look it up or something, but it's basically when you're suicidal but a lot worse.

Other than that, I've started using drugs. I know that drugs can kill you, but I needed something to take the pain away. I take a lot of pain killers but they never seem to work. Finn hates what I'm doing to myself and he's always trying to help but it's no use. I'm gone- everything around me is dark and tinted, I no longer see colors, everything is black. All I see is a wold full of hate and no love. If you aren't perfect don't even bother trying because there will always be someone tearing you apart on the inside, and darling there is no escaping. This is your reality and this is what you've become.

Xoxo-

MBB