«dear diary» x fillie

《five》

I guess debating on whether you should wear a dress or just a normal outfit could drive you insane because that is exactly what's been happening to me.

You must look perfect.

I know that I shouldn't care so much about how I look, considering that it's Finn's house that I'm going to, but I felt the need to make myself look special.

I received a message from Finn.

"Hello? You coming?"

Oh snap.

It was already 7:15. I guess I totally lost track of time.

"Be right there," I responded back.

I grabbed my charger and off I went.

I knocked on Finn's door and seconds later he opened it and told me to come in.

"Hey beautiful."

"Hey."

If anybody were to think we are a couple, they would be wrong. It's just a best friend thing.

Kinda.

"You want some icecream?"

"Not really."

All of a sudden I just felt sad and there was no explanation. At all. But I mean why would there be, I'm Millie Bobby Brown. Nothing ever has an explanation.

I guess Finn noticed I was acting different so he made me a glass of hot chocolate because he knew it was my favourite.

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asked taking a seat next to me on his couch.

"I just feel sad," I replied.

"We can watch a movie if you'd like," he suggested.

"Finn," I said shakily.

"Yes?"

"I want to die."

-

I'm in so much pain right now. I don't know why, I just am. I had been sitting on Finn's bathroom floor for the past twenty minutes until I heard someone knocking on the door.

It was Finn.

"Millie?"

He sounded as if he had been crying.

"Millie please answer me."

I couldn't get the words out of my mouth.

"I-I'm h-here."

I felt bad, mainly because I was causing Finn so much stress. He didn't need to deal with me. He could leave me like how everyone else did. I don't know why he hasn't. I'm nothing special. At all. I'm worth nothing- not even his tears. So I don't know why he seems to care so much about me.

I opened up the door. I was a mess from crying. This night had been ruined. I ruined it. All because of my stupid- fucked up thoughts. I tried to find where Finn had gone but I couldn't find him.

"Finn?"

"Where are you?"

I asked multiple times and got no answer. We had been home alone so there was no point in asking his parents where he had gone off to this time.

"Finn please."

I started to become worried. I had no idea where he could have gone. Did he leave? No. He wouldn't do that.

I began to search the house to try and find him but there had been no use. That had been until I walked down to the basement.

I heard muffled crys. I had totally forgotten about his basement. At first I thought maybe he was watching a show, but then I realized it was coming from the inside of the bathroom.

I slowly began to walk over to the door where I had heard the crys and twisted the door handle trying to open it. Luckily it had been unlocked.

"Finn!"

-

get your tissue box ready