«dear diary» x fillie

《nine》

I was still so tired when I woke up. Having to be at school at 7:30 wasn't really my favourite thing to do.

I left my house at 7, because it took forever to walk there on time. My mom didn't feel like paying for me to get transported to and from school, so this is my only option I have. She also goes to work super early, so it's not like she could drive me.

Walking to school is always a pain, but today especially. It started to snow a little, and it felt like it was below zero out. Fun. I hate snow and the wintertime. I'd rather be sweating than freezing.

Today I felt more upset with myself. I don't know why, but do I ever? Please don't. Please don't. My life actually sucks.

-

"Millie!"

"Oh hey Finn."

"What's wrong?"

Should I tell him?

I guess.

"I just feel sad."

"The normal?"

"Yeah. The normal."

-

We walked to class together and I was glad we sat next to eachother. I noticed something different about the class.

There was a new girl.

"Millie?"

Here.

"Finn?"

Here.

"Grace?"

Here.

While Mr. Strenk was taking attentence, I noticed he called a new name. Someone who I don't recall meeting, at all.

"Who the fuck is Grace?" I whispered to Finn.

"New girl," he responded.

I could tell I wasn't going to like this girl. Not one bit. And the way she had been looking at my Finn bothered me.

"Millie, don't be mean," I heard Finn say to me.

I am almost positive I am not going to get along with her either. I can try to be nice, but she had already seemed like a total bitch.

-End of class-

I heard somebody tap my shoulder at the end of class. I turned around to see the familiar face from before.

"Hi. I'm Grace."

She already sounded like a bitch.

"Hey, I'm Millie," I said with a fake smile.

Finn came up behind me and hugged my waist.

"Hey babe."

"Hey."

"Anyways," Grace continued, "I was wondering if you could show me around?"

"Oh yeah, sure."

Couldn't she find someone else?

"Thank you."

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?" She asked, seeming concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

Well, what is a depressed person supposed to look like bitch?

I couldn't tell her that though.

I showed Grace around the school, pretty much covering all of her classes as if she hadn't already been to all of them. I don't have a good feeling about this girl at all. Like honestly, why would she ask me to show her around the school if she had already been to all of her classes. Makes no damn sense.

"Is Finn like your boyfriend or something?"

The words rolled off of her tounge like turpentine.

"Yeah. He is."

"Oh."

She was laughing.

"What's so funny about it?" I asked, trying to not sound like she was, a total bitch.

"He could do so much better," she said laughing even harder now.

I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. All I could do was run away as fast as humanely possible.

-

Fuck everything. Finn probably thinks this bitch is something special. News flash- she's not. Not at all. I knew there was something off with her.

I wanted to tell Finn but I just didn't know how. Plus, he probably would think I was making it up or something.

It was now nine p.m. I was basically drowned in my own tears. As if life couldn't get any worse, I had seen a picture of Finn and Grace in their civics class together.

He probably likes her. She's prettier than me, smarter than me, more outgoing than me. But there was on thing that she wasn't more than me.

Nicer.

I think.

I can't give up. I need to be strong. I'm such a fragile person and it doesn't take much to break me apart.

Suicide is always an option, right?