«dear diary» x fillie

《four》

"Are you lying to me?"

"Finn, would I lie to you?"

"No."

-

The next day approached me too quickly. So many thoughts had been running through my mind all night, and I couldn't seem to forget any of them. I never could see myself being friends with Sadie again. Not after what her and Maddie had done to me. Torturing me day in and day out, causing me so much pain and agony. Never would I ever even thinking about them.

Because the person you could've sworn you knew isn't the person they really are.

Today is a new day.

Should I wake up in a good mood every day? Yes. Do I? Absolutely not. Do I wish I could? Yes.

I guess that today will be one of my more 'upsetting' days as I would call it. Basically it's when your depression hits you harder than most days. I walked over to my mirror and hated my reflection. I wish I could love myself the way other girls do. I never asked for this; to be the way I am. I just figured it's just my luck.

-

I arrived to school on time today, luckily my best friend, Finn, was there and I wouldn't have to suffer the day alone.

It was Friday, tonight I would be able to hang out with Finn and talk about life. We usually talk about how we're feeling with eachother since we're so close, and what we aspire to be in life. I feel like without him I wouldn't be able to survive. I would probably, most likely be dead. And that's no joke at all. So maybe, just maybe that's why I'm in love with Finn. Maybe it's the way he's keeping me alive.

I also felt like tonight wouldn't go as planned since I had been feeling even more 'depressed' earlier on in the day. But I knew that either way Finn was still there, and I knew he would never leave me through all of this.

I adored him, his smile, his laugh. It gives me happiness and reminds me to not give up. The way he talks, the way he cares for me is something I could never forget. The way he talks to me and tells me how I'm going to make it through this, and how one day I am going to be so much happier with myself just breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because without him, I would probably be so much worse with coping with my problems.

I love him. And I know he loves me.

"Hey Mills," he says as he starts walking towards me.

"Hey Finn."

"How are you feeling today?"

"Bad."

"We can watch some movies and drink hot cocoa, alright? I don't like seeing you this way."

My heart fluttered.

"Alright," I slightly giggled.

"What time should I come over?" I asked.

"Seven,"

"I'll be there,"

"See you later hot stuff," he said, smirking as he started to walk away.

"Yeah, you will," I replied back.

And suddenly, I felt the slightest ounce of happiness take over my body.

-

I arrived at home around 3:30, giving me a few hours to do my homework and get ready to hang out with Finn.

Dear diary;

Today has been one of those days again- blah, but luckily I have my Finn to brighten my mood.

And tonight I'm going over to his house and I'm so excited because I love spending time with him.

If I was in a better circumstance I would call him my boyfriend. But for now I think it would be best to just stay friends.

-M

-

A/N - next chapter, get your popcorn ready - it's gonna be good

and don't worry guys, fillie is gonna happen real soon, once millie realizes that what she said was wrong.

the last sentence of course.

also, guys is this book even good because hognestly i don't think it's very good and i might discontinue or delete. (Please don't think i'm begging for attention, i'm not. just wondering (: )