Complicated

Chapter Forty Seven: Ready Or Not

Well, now it's etched in stone
That I can't survive alone
You have the missing piece
That I need so desperately

Kate Voegele – Only Fooling Myself

Grace could still feel the blood on her hands as she stared at the interior of her open locker. No matter how much she scrubbed she couldn't seem to wash it from her flesh. The skin from her wrists down was red raw and vibrant from the boiling hot water and repeated use of soap. The white linen blouse she favoured was ruined, it hung open clinging to the black tank top underneath.

Grace couldn't get the images of that kid out of her head, his small body rippling with agony as the paramedics worked on the bullet wound. She had held his hand the entire time, her free fingers lightly smoothing the hair away from his forehead as she spoke to him in attempt to distract him from the stress his body was under. He had looked so young as his eyes roved the ambulance in terror.

"You ok?" Adam asked quietly, distracting her from her thoughts with a light touch of her shoulder.

Grace hadn't even heard him enter the locker room. She jerked her head towards him helplessly as his gaze dropped to the blood splashed up front of her open blouse. She held out her trembling hands, willing them to stop quivering. Adam responded to the action in understanding. His fingers grasped her collar before he gently removed the shirt from her shoulders, guiding it down her arms and off of her body before depositing it in the open evidence bag she'd set on the work bench.

"He's just a kid." she said, shaking her head in remorse. "Who shoots a kid in the back?"

"It doesn't have to make sense." Adam told her, removing the antibacterial gel from his locker an squirting it onto her upturned palms before replacing it again.

Grace rubbed her hands together in an almost mechanical motion. How could anybody want to bring children into this world? There was so much violence all around them, at home, on the streets. How was anybody expected to survive in this insane place, especially something so small and helpless?

"Thanks." Grace muttered, reaching into her locker and removing the blue and white chequered shirt from her locker.

Adam took it from her fumbling fingers before holding it out like a gentleman with a jacket. Grace swallowed hard past the raw emotion in her throat before slipping her arms into the sleeves.

"I draw the line at doing up the buttons." Adam said half serious, holding his hands up as a smile crossed his rugged features.

Grace bent her head as she concentrated on the bottom button and working her way up slowly. Adam watched her with growing concern with each second that passed. She wasn't her usual self. Even in this situation he would have expected some kind of comment or action from her. Instead she was withdrawn and weary. He watched as she reached up onto the top shelf of her locker and tugged at her hairbrush. Something clattered to the floor at once as she struggled with the make up bag it was caught on. Adam swooped down to gather it up for her as she cursed.

"Don't worry I've got it." Adam told her with a reassuring smile before catching a glimpse of the expression upon Grace's face.

Her grey gaze was wide and horrified as she focused on the item in his grasp, her hand clasped over her mouth as she gasped. Adam frowned, his azure eyes lowering as he realized what he had gripped between his fingers.

A pregnancy test.

His eyes shifted to the tiny window. There was a blue cross showing in the centre, he knew what that meant.

Positive.

Wordlessly he reached up and handed it back to her before clambering to his feet. She snatched it from his hand and shoved it back onto the top shelf before slamming the door of her locker shut. Her forehead came to rest upon the cool metal as she closed her eyes and pressed her palms against it.

"I took a test a couple of weeks ago and it was negative." she found herself telling him. "I had one spare and I still haven't had my period yet so I thought why not check just to be on the safe side when I got back from the hospital today."

"Your having a baby?" Adam questioned, hardly believing he was saying the words out loud.

"It could be a false positive." she said softly.

"Or it could be the start of something wonderful." Adam pointed out.

Grace withdrew from the shelter of her locker, flipping over and leaning her back on it instead as she turned to face Adam.

"After today there is no way in hell that I am ready for a baby." Grace said raking her hands through her hair. "I saw what happened to that kid and it makes me wonder how can you bring something into the world knowing that that could happen to them?"

"What would be the point of living if we all thought like that?" Adam questioned her. "You have something amazing going on inside you right now. That baby is a symbol of the love between you and Flack, it's a reminder that there is something in this world is worth fighting for."

Adam took Grace's hands in his, his thumbs smoothed over her knuckles as he looked intently into her conflicted grey eyes.

"I know your scared. People like us..." he paused as a small knowing smile crossed his lips. "We think we're not worthy of happiness because that's what we've had drilled into us. That's simply not true Gracie. You deserve this, both of you deserve to be happy and I think this baby is going to complete your family."

"What if I screw up? I don't know how to be a mother." Grace asked him, her voice breaking as expressed her worse fear. "What if I make this child hate me?"

"That's not going to happen." Adam told her as she squeezed his hands tightly. "It can't ask for more than a mother as smart as you or with a love as unconditional."

"Adam..." Grace choked, her grey eyes glistening with tears as she turned her head away, her dark hair falling over her face.

Adam's hands came to rest on her delicate shoulders as he guided her into the comfort of his body. Her arms locked around his waist as buried her cheek nestled against his collarbone.

"I'll help." he promised. "When you need a break I'll take care of it, buy it toys, teach it how to hack into the CIA..."

Grace stifled a laugh by she held onto the one friend who knew her better than she knew herself. It broke the tension that had inflicted her entire being at the news. There was a sense of excitement raising up inside her, it drowned out the anxiousness that plagued her body. She thought back to the conversation she'd had with Don this morning. He was ready, she had known that he was ready for a long time if she was honest with herself.

"Congratulations." Adam said as he hugged her even closer. "Your gonna be a mom."

"Yea." Grace uttered, wiping a hand underneath her damp eyes as she withdrew with a watery smile spreading across her pretty features. "I'm a mom."