~My Only~ (G.D & E.D)

My end*

--Danni-- (Tuesday morning)

I sat staring at the blank computer screen, my eyes red rimmed and puffy. My heart was still caught in my throat. He looked so distraught, it pains me to think about it. I've known Gray for a few days and there's already too much drama. There isn't a point to this. Relationships aren't meant to be this complicated. It wouldn't work anyway, he live in a different continent, Grays life is setting off, he's on the road to fame. There are thousands of girls who would take my place and I'm going to let one of them have him.
I've gone through too much shit and I don't have enough effort for this.

I got up from from the desk slamming my laptop shut. I grabbed my already packed suitcase off the bed and looked round the room for a final time. Grabbing my laptop I walked towards the door.

This is it.

The past few days will be forgotten the moment I leave this room.
I hesitantly waited at the door, just imagining the fairy tale moment that could happen if Gray stood the other sides. When I finally pluck up the courage to open it my face fell. No one stood in front of me, the hall was bare.

Not a soul in sight.
---
I got out the cab, slamming the door. The taxi driver rolls down the window, I pull my ear buds out waiting to hear how grossly expensive the ride would have been. Without a doubt my sister is going to kill me.
'£150 please mam'
My jaw dropped, I knew it would be pricey but not that expensive. I pulled out the crumpled bills out from my pocket, I only had £70. I grabbed my purse and looked at the emergency £100 my sister, Chloe gave to me. I gulped before handing over £ 80 of her money as well as £70 of mine to the sinister looking man in front of me. I turned to face the block of flats, the grey building surrounded by buildings just as boring and just as unattractive as the one I call my home. I grab my keys and prepare to walk up 4 flights of stairs, I hope to God they fix the elevator soon. Or even get a new one.

The current one was beyond its years, clanking around and taking double the time it would take to walk up the stairs. Old betsie finally conked out last month but the landlord is too lazy to get someone to replace it.
I swing open the door to my (by mine I mean my sisters) tiny apartment.

Plates scattered the coffee table, some look like they've been there for days. The floor covered in crumbs.
Empty Pizza boxes strewn on the tiny kitchen island. The apartment had 2 bedrooms, Chloe's slightly bigger than mine. Then there was a living room attached to a small kitchen that consisted of a microwave, a sink, an island and a rusty cooker. To the left was the bathroom/utility room, it had a small shower, a toilet and a washing machine. It wasn't much but it was my home.

From the state of the flat it looked like Chloe had a great time without me here. To be fair she's 22, she doesn't want to be looking after her 16 year old sister, she wants to be out having the time of her life.

I left my bag at the door and began cleaning up, maybe if the flat was spotless when she gets back from work she won't be so mad about the emergency money.

Two and a half hours later the living room looked a lot more pleasurable, the kitchen was now glistening.
A fresh load of washing was in the machine.
Mine and Chloe's beds were freshly made. I decided to leave her to clean up the rest of the room because who knows what I would find in there.

The thought itself sent shivers down my spine, I inwardly cringed. I casually walked over to the fridge, I was starving I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning.
I wasn't surprised to only see some expired milk and a couple of apples and a scraping of butter, my sister and being organised don't go together. I flicked through the cupboards until I found something that looked the least bit appealing. I compromised with some stale crackers and the remaining butter from the fridge.

I walked over to my room, placing my food down on the night stand, flopping onto my bed I powered up my phone. I hadn't even looked at it since last night.

I was desperately hoping Jess would have tried to contact me but my inbox was empty.

I flicked onto the fan account, I still hadn't officially given Jess full ownership.
The comment section of last nights post of me had blown up, there was over 5.1k comments. I casually flicked through, reading the same kind of abuse that was on Grayson YouTube video.

There was occasionally a positive comment but it was predominantly vulgar hate comments from fan accounts. Many from accounts I believed were my friends.

Towards the most recent comments my eyes caught sight of a user.
It was Ethan, there was a stream of comments he had left.

'Danni, please don't give up this account.'

'Why aren't you answering my brother?'

'Have you seen our YouTube video?'

I scrolled down a bit more, I saw Ethan's  name pop up again.
This time he was more irate with me.

'For fuck sake Danni! Answer mine and my brothers messages. This is getting out of hand.'

'Danni, the drama you have caused for my brother and you can't even text him back. God everything would have been fine if you never showed up!'   

'Danni!'

I felt physically sick, even Ethan hates me.

I look past the untouched crackers to the full bottle of anti depressants.
My doctor prescribed  them after my dad died, I still collected the prescription even though I stopped taking them. They were on my night stand from a couple of weeks ago. I thought about swallowing them all but I never went through with it.
I never even tried, not after the months of suicidal thoughts because I still had one thread hanging onto me before I dropped down into the dark whole of oblivion.

The Dolan twins were my life line but nows that's done.
The threads been cut, there's no going back.

I have nothing going for me.

My dads fucking dead, my mums gone bat shit crazy, I don't go school, I've lost all my friends, my sister is fed up of me, I've lost 100k people who didn't judge me.

I'm a fucking worthless piece of shit. I want meant for this world, I'm not strong enough.

I'm not needed, I'm worthless.

That's all I am, worthless.

The word kept repeating in my mind. I was unable to breath from the tears caught in my throat.
I looked over at my phone it was 4.57pm  my sister won't be home for a few more hours.

I grabbed the bottle of pills and opened the cap. I tipped out three and swallowed them, a burning sensation at the back of my throat.
I tipped back a few more before grabbing my favourite photo of us as a family, my dads favourite pair of socks and the suicide note I've written over and over again out of my tattered draw.

Happy fucking birthday to me.

Laying down on my bed I cried my last tear, thought my last thought, breathed my last breath before I fell into oblivion.

just to let you know this isn't the end. I hope you enjoy! This is going to be quite a hard hitting story ❤️ please comment/ vote. All my love xx next chapter out by Friday ❤️