Hetalia Feels

But a Dream (S)

Prompt: tell a story about a goodbye, both happy and miserable. This ended up being completely different, but it's whatever.

Dennor. Lukas: Norway. Mathias: Denmark.
~~~

There was a time that Lukas had had a dream. Something that spurred him forward, ignited a flame that burned brighter than the cosmos within his heart. It had been so long that he hardly remembered the dream, and yet it was there. His heart held the burdens of his past, that which had once made him light now weighing him down.

His dream had once been to become a mage. That dream soon shifted to having a person to hold and be with, but when that proved itself to be impossible, it changed yet again. Lukas's new dream- if one could call it that- was to die. To say goodbye to this world and all it entailed.

Lukas longed for the days of his youth, when he had so eagerly practiced magic for the sake of healing others. It would be better than this impractical desire for death. But while it was unlikely that his dream would ever be fulfilled, the goal was not without reason.

Everything that Lukas could have ever wanted had been held within his arms, only his as they breathed their last. Out of reach, separated by nothing but a veil. Taken by the battlefield. He wanted in, but wanted to keep them out even more so.

But alas, in taking away the suffering of those he loved, he had condemned himself to eternal life. The only way Lukas could die was by spell, and not any pleasant ones at that. But it couldn't be cast by him, nothing was that easy. It seemed he would live until a necromancer pitied him enough.

There were times that Lukas regretted allowing his crazy Dane to live without memory of him in exchange for Lukas's eternal damnation. Though the healing mage dismissed such ridiculous thoughts fairly quickly. To see a frown on a face that had once adorned a smile was far too painful. It was better for Mathias to forget what was once and live happily than to remember what could have been remorsefully.

Was it?

Lukas was losing control of his thoughts as steadily as he was losing track of the days. The longer he spent in this cave, fearful of anyone's touch or gaze, the harder it was to tell where one day ended and another began. When one thought ended and another began. The longer he was here, the harder it was to tell what was rock and what was Lukas; what was a welcome thought and what must be banned. He had no need for food, no need for water, no need but the need for peace. An eternal peace. The mind hidden behind light blond locks desired to be silenced.

Lukas's heart grew heavier yet, and he rose. Shaggy hair danced around him in the water for the first time in decades. Not a century; Mathias wouldn't be able to survive that long. Lukas would know if Mathias was dead. For with this curse he also bore the burden of the pain of passing on. But if it was for Mathias... that crazy Dane... he would do it. His brother was living on happily; everyone that had once known the Norwegian mage no longer recalled his existence. The only one he had hope for remembering him was Mathias. That damn man with his god forsaken grin that had unwittingly stolen his heart.

Lukas had never considered himself a noble man, had never thought he could be capable of sacrifice. It seemed time proved even him wrong. It is impossible to be sure of anything in this world, and the one who thinks they know is the one with a mind clouded by naivety.

Lukas considered this, among other things that he had once thought he knew. He considered this as he rose, considered this as he swam to the surface with no need for the oxygen his body had once craved. Considered this as pale arms hoisted his body over the rocks of the beach, as shaky legs stood once again.