Hetalia Feels

Jingle Bells (P)

Warnings for: name-calling, internalized misogyny, references to eating disorders, people not believing in Santa (which my phone initially autocorrected as Fanta), and suicide by... jumping off of a flying sleigh (again: yes, really).
~~~~~

As Santa
I'm supposed
To be jolly,
Right?

Happy.
Laughing.
Smiling.

So why
Am I always
So sad?

No one suspects.
No one questions.
No one knows
But me.

I believe
It's the lack
Of belief
In who I am.
And the comments.
Those too.

Fat.
Chubby.
Weak.
Girly.

I do suppose
I've gained weight.
But I have been
Skipping meals,
So that should
Help a bit.

Weak?
No way!
I may appear girly,
But I can be strong!

Don't judge
A book
By its cover.

You know,
Not that I think
About it,
I have a lot
To live for.

So why
Have I given up?
Why
Am I going to jump
Off of my sleigh
As it flies?

Simple words,
Spoken in different ways.
Most commonly,
Though,
Said as
"I don't believe
In Santa."

Those words tear at me.
Make me lose
My sense of purpose.
Of worth.

If I'm worthless,
Without a purpose,
Girly,
And fat,
I'm not really needed,
Right?

The wind
Whips all around me
As I plummet
To the ground.

Looking up
At the stars,
I think of
Joyful things.

Su-San,
Sealand,
And I
By the fire,
Singing jingle bells.
Hanatamago
Jumping,
And barking.
Smiles.

I miss those times.
People believed then.
Do you believe?
Probably not.

The final jingles
Of my heart
Begin.
Jingle bells.

A final breath,
A final goodbye.
Jingle bells.

It's coming closer
And closer.
Jingle bells.

"Ho,
Ho,
Ho,"
I chuckle.
Jingle bells.

Perhaps,
In the afterlife,
They will believe.
Jingle bells.

I like that thought.
Jingle bells.
Yes,
I'll keep thinking that.

The final jingle
Approaches.
"Merry Christmas,
Everyone!"
I shout
To the stars.

Yes.
A merry Christmas.
That's just what I need.

Jingle bells.

~~~~~
Requested by AnimeRules369 ! Thank you for all the requests, I greatly appreciate it!I'm writing this really late, so sorry if it sucks, just tell me what to fix! Requests and constructive criticism are the best! As well as regular comments ^-^ Thanks for reading! Bai~

~Weirdanimewriter out!

Character: Finland.