Soulmate AU's (Hamilton)

Nineteen (Jamilton)

Alexander and Thomas were fighting again, to no one's suprise. Even if they are a couple, old habits die hard. Alexander hadnt started it, but neither did thomas. Both men were dead set on ending it, sadly. It was going normal, playing out, until Alexander hit a nerve.

"this is why your sister doesnt want to ever see you!" he yelled, face red with anger. A split second later, when Thomas' face and posture dropped, Alexander knew he'd fucked up.

"T-thomas Im so sorry I-"

"When I was nineteen and Lucy only eight, our parents were killed in a car crash. Once day they were there and the next they were gone, and we were left on our own." thomas grit his teeth, clenching his fists. His eyes glossed over. There was no anger, no bite to His words. Everyone who was ignoring the couple was now paying rapt attention."When I was nineteen and Lucy only eight, I had to become so much more. I had to grow up become more than a brother, And be like a mother to her." tears flew freely from Thomas's face, and he hugged his elbows. He missed Lucy so deeply,  so painfully.  Hot tears threatened to spill.

When I was nineteen and Lucy only eight,

I had to become so much more.

I had to grow up become more than a brother,

And be like a mother to her." tears flew freely from Thomas's face, and he hugged his elbows. He missed Lucy so deep, so painfully so. Sometimes he would wake up in the middle of the night, reeling for a baby sister, who hated him to this day. It wasnt his fault that he wanted her to suceed, to go further.

"I could have fallen apart.

I could have easily just given up.

I could have closed off my heart,

But there was a girl this little girl who needed me." Thomas threw his hands up, looking at Alexander. His small, feminine frame, his long hair curled slightlu against his neck. He looked like Lucy.... she straightened her hair at a friends house. Thomas had asked about it, why she wanted it, just trying to pick her brain. Lucy got all furious and stormed out. She didnt come back that night.Thomas had looked everywhere. He even went as far as to involve the police. His eight year old sister was missing, wondering around the neighborhood, all because Thomas asked about her hair.

"When I was nineteen and Lucy only eight,

The cracks first appeared in between us.

Up until then we had stood side by side.

We were the best of friends." he smiled softly to himself, looking down at his hands which had dropped to his side. He remembered all the times they had gone out and played in rhe yard, him pushing her on the tire swing. All the times she'd go to protest with him for LGBQT rights. The first time he explained having a partner of the same gender, and she immediatley didnt care, accepted him.

"But everything changed on that one fateful day, And the choice that I made, made her hate me." He clenched his fists, sobbing again. She had yelled, screamed even. She was furious with Thomas.

"I was the one who made life carry on,

When she wanted her anger and pain." he remembered the first time he caught her. The razor placed on the bathroim sink, water running like crazy. She had scared him half to death.

"I wouldn't fall apart.

I made her eat her meals, go to school and play.

I made us make a new start.

I did it for her to give her a chance." He looked at Alexander, glaring daggers that meant nothing more than empty anger. He wanted to talk about his baby sister, fine, they'd talk about his baby sister. They could talk about everything from when he was nineteen to now, and Thomas didnt care who was watching, or who ended up knowing.

"I joined the world that carried on without them. I wouldn't let her fade,

As she wanted to without them." Thomas bit his lip, posture falling got a second, as he placed a hand on his forehead and the other on his hip. He looked down and off into the distance at the ground, thinking over all those years. All the times he had to quietly cry himself to sleep, because he'd had a nightmare about his parents. All the time he had sacrificed for his sister. He had began trying to manage a full time job, and had to switch his college courses to online. He lost his scholarship to continue school in France, and no matter where he went, everything in his town remindes him of his parents. His soster would try her hardest to leave, to forget him. She had tried to sign herself up to be an orphan. To forge Thomas's signature.

I never let her see how much it hurt me,

To carry on, Without them..." Thomas bent his head down, trying to stop his crying.

"To live, Without them" he muttered quietly. Alexander had to strain to hear.

"Just us, Without them." thomas's voice sounded of false hope during 'just us' and Alex hated to hear him so broke.

Thomas had immediatley took theur pictures out of old frames and given them new ones. He had kept them up, despite Lucy trying to smash them all. Burn them, even. Lucy hated Thomas, she hated her parents for leaving, just like she hated all of their other siblings for dying as babies. Dying at birth. Thomas didnt know why she was instantly filled with so much resent.

"Because one of us had to be strong, had to keep going on. It's what they would have wanted from me. One day maybe Lucy will see."

Thomas had told that lie tp himself many many times. That Lucy would thank him later. Thomas came from a large family, but none of them loved Thomas with in an inch of them. They hated him. For no reason as far as Thomas could remember, it's always been that way.

"Now I'm thirty and Lucy's just nineteen,

And I've taken my share of her flack,

But she's my sister,

I love her,

And I'll never leave her,

Even if we never can heal the crack." Thomas nodded, tears falling freely without any regret. Dignity was lost now. Everyone was watching. No one had moved for the last hour. Alexander, his one true happiness, Thomas's light, was watching Thomas with a mix of horror and sadness. Thomas knew Alexander had a horrible childhood prior to college in America. He knew about the hurricane, and Alex's fear of storms. He knew about his mother, and Alexander's father and cousin. Thomas knew it all, so he nevertries told Alexander about his problems. He didnt want Alex to have to hear his complaining. Thomas didnt think it was right to tell Alexander, when he had been through so much more. Thomas felt that his horrible past shouldnt matter as much as Alexander's.

"I'll always be there for her.

She still needs me.

I love her so I will be there.

I'll always be there." Thomas said, his emotions truly spent as he collapsed onto the ground. He sat there, his face dried of tears, hands shaking from dehydration. Thomas stared sadly at his hands the sat limp infront of him. It seemed asa almost everyone had left, fearing the personal mentality of the situation.

Alexander rushed to Thomas's side, hesitantly placing his hands on Thomas's shoulders. "please Thomas im so sorry." Alexander said softly. "i didnt know" he finished. Thomas looked up and gave Alex a blank stare. "no one did, Alexander." he mumbled. Alexander went to hug Thomas, and to his relief, Thomas hugged back. "Thomas... why didnt you tell me?" Alexander asked quietly. 

"i...i didnt want to complain to you... You've had such a torn childhood and i felt like i shouldnt make you listen to my complaining." Thomas sighed.

"thomas that's insane. I love you, you can tell me anything." Alexander sighed, running a hand over Thomas's cheek.

"thank you, Alexander."

"i love you, Thomas."

"i love you too, Lexi"