Too young

3 Pour some sugar on me

I wasn't sure what had come over me, I couldn't even remember what I had done. In a strange way I felt liberated, all the raw emotion that had built up within me had poured on that stage. I had gone into survival mode, I had to do what it took to succeed. I had to survive.

It was nerve racking dancing on the pole that first day, Tammy had thrown me right in the deep end. Tammy made me dance on the stage where the regular customers were sitting watching. I was glad that yesterday had been laundry day, I was luckily wearing the best underwear. I owned a pink lace bra and a plain black thong. Tammy had said to dance and strip down to my underwear, she said that it was a respectful place not a titty bar.

"You're a natural," she purred when the music stopped. I don't believe I was good, I think she was just being kind.

I smiled awkwardly at her, I felt so vulnerable but in a weird way I had enjoyed the freedom. Adrenaline pulsed through my tired body, I found myself smiling for the first time since my mom had died.

"pick up your clothes and the money, it's yours" she said kindly in her thick texan accent. Tammy was confident and spunky, she spoke with such conviction. I adored her immediately.

I gathered my clothes and more importantly the money and descended the stairs. Tammy led me to the changing room to dress. The room was dark, it was lit up by fluorescent lights that hung from the ceiling. There were rows of dark wooden vanity tables and mirrors. The room was cluttered with shoes, makeup and random accessories. I had never seen so many pairs of shoes, they were scattered across the room. It was like a Barbie dream house, my friends would love it especially Fiona.

"You can start tomorrow, we need to get you some new underwear. Those have seen better days" she said as she pointed at my black thong. My cheeks turned red, how could I tell her these were the best I owned.

I looked down at my pale body and gave her a curt nod.

"I provide the outfits, it's your responsibility to bring clean sexy underwear and shoes.." Tammy seemed genuinely warm and friendly. In a way she put my mind at ease.

Tammy spent an hour telling me the rules of the bar, they were all pretty self explanatory. Tammy spoke to me like an adult like she respected me, I could tell she would be more like a friend than a boss. I needed a strong mother figure in my life and I found it in Tammy.

"I'll have to take you to the salon, you are in desperate need of waxing. A real hairstyle wouldn't hurt. Does your mother still cut your hair? '' she joked as she put a cigarette to her plump pink lips.

"She's dead, money's tight I haven't been able to go to the salon" I explained. I bit my lip to stop the tears that were threatening to fall. I was hoping to keep the tragedy which was my life away from work but had failed miserably. I pushed the tears back, I needed to be stronger. I was living in the adult world now, I was no longer a child.

"Oh Emily I'm sorry , how awful. Come I'll take you to the mall. We can bond" Tammy said as she picked up her snakeskin bag from the side.

I had never been so excited to go shopping in my life. Also I was more than a little intrigued.
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Tammy brought me to a salon where everyone knew her name. It was obvious she visited often. Tammy told the woman at the counter that I needed the full works, I was waxed from head to toe. Having a bikini wax for the first time is not a pleasant experience, it felt like my crotch had been set on fire. I would be walking like John Wayne for days.

A small Asian woman cut and dyed my hair to within an inch of its life. I then had a manicure and pedicure. I looked totally different with a real hairstyle. My mum had cut my hair since I was a child so it was a big deal for me to have it done By a professional. I looked so much older, I didn't look like the poor girl anymore. My confidence got a boost when a few guys turned to check me out. Life was getting better. We sat in a small coffee shop and Tammy told me I could not do the same routine every night so I needed to practise new ones. I didn't know how I would think of something different to do every shift. I just hoped I wouldn't let Tammy down as she was giving me a huge opportunity. I had so much to do before I was ready to perform it would be hard work but I was willing to do the work. In those few hours we bonded more than I thought possible. It almost felt like I was whole again. Between Marie and Tammy it was like I had a parent who cared for me . Nothing could replace my mom but I had two older women in my life that could help to mould me. I had only a few people in my life but no one knew the true me, they knew only what I wanted them to. Lying was a necessity but it made my life lonely.