Too young

35 Candle in the wind

"June Roberta Johnson was truly a wonderful woman, she opened her family and her heart to me. June was the mother in law that everyone would wish for, she was my friend. June loved her husband of 35 years, she called him her silver fox. on the night before my wedding she told me that when you found love like the type they had it was like a gift from god. June told me god had been kind to her, the love of her life loved her back and that you could ask for nothing more in life. June told me her heart was so full of love for fred that she thought she wouldnt be able to have a child as there wasnt enough room left, she had Donnie and found she had been wrong. June loved Donnie , she adored him even. June is the reason that Donnie is where he is now, she encouraged him to always push for what he wanted. she always belived in him and she spoke so highly of him she was so proud. I loved June like she was my own mother and i will always be greatful for her bringing my wonderful husband into my life. June will live forever in the hearts of the peoples life she touched. We will miss her. Oh and June i did your hair like you asked" i stood down from the podium and joined Donnie at the front pew.

I managed to hold the tears back until the white coffin was lowered into the ground, i couldnt believe she was gone, she had died in her sleep 6 days after our wedding. Donnie had held up surprisingly well, Patrick was a mess. i had offered for fred and his dad Buck to come live with Donnie and I but they declined. It had been easy planning the funeral as June had left a very detailed list of what she had wanted. June stated that she wanted a white coffin with only one display of Daisy's like the ones Patrick gave her every year. June had also requested that we held the wake in her garden so everyone could enjoy the garden she had spent the last few years working tirelessly on. June had specified how she wanted her hair, make up and even what she was to be buried in. I smiled when I read the list , it was so like her to dictate every part of the day. The service was beautiful it was nothing more than she deserved.
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We had been in Boston for 2 months but that was coming to an end , Donnie had to return to LA to get his surgery so we left the day after Junes funeral. It was awful leaving Fred and Buck I really wanted to stay and help them adjust to their new home dynamic.

Donnie had wanted to drive back so he could clear his head but the prospect of a 45 hour drive didnt appeal to me. We flew home and arranged for our belongings to be shipped back to our home in LA.

Our dog Roxy didnt recognize our home when we pulled up , it had been so long since we had been here. Donnie's manager Flora had kept the house in great condition, the fridge was fully stocked and none of the plants had wilted. I made a mental note to send her a bunch of flowers as a thank you.

I wasn't sure what i would do with my time now i was home, i no longer had my studio so technically i was unemployed. The only money i had coming in was from my advertising deal with Nike. Donnies operation was coming up so i would be kept busy for a few weeks but once he was healed i would be left again with no purpose. I wanted a job but it wasn't so easy when you were married to a famous athlete and you had security following your every step. I could hardly get a job at Starbucks although that job really would be perfect for me, I loved coffee and I was friendly. I preferably wanted a job in dance it was my passion.

"Donnie do you want something to eat" I asked as I filled roxys food and water dishes. Roxy danced at my feet like she hadn't been fed In weeks.

Donnie didn't answer when I searched for him I saw him holding a photo of his mom. He was crying it broke my heart. Things had changed so much since June had died, my husband had changed.

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I unpacked our boxes when they arrived, i put a photo of june from our wedding on the fireplace in the living room, i was gratefull that we had gotten so many photos of her before she passed. Donnie was recovering from his surgery so he was sleeping in the downstairs guestroom. For such a big strong man he was the worst patient, he would compalin costantly. I would joke that he was a baby but he would just pout at me.

"what should i do for work " i asked as we ate our breakfast.

"you dont need to work" donnie replied, he couldnt understand why i wanted a job when he had enough money for us to live comfortably.

"weve had this conversation, i cant just stay at home all day on my own while your at practice, i need purpose" why couldnt he understand that i enjoyed working, i liked to earn my own money.

"we should have a baby" he suggested.

I laughed, he had such a wierd sense of humour, i didnt always get his jokes and this one i certainly didnt understand.

"im not joking, just think about it. A little baby Donnie running around the place . you wouldnt be alone then" he replied. i couldnt believe i was hearing this, i was sure he had been joking. Did he not know me at all. i was 19 after all i wanted to see the world and enjoy my time with Donnie before we started a family.

"you have to be fucking joking" i spat. My voice was harsher than I had expected, I was just truly shocked.

"you just said yourself that you dont want to be alone and you dont have a job so whats stopping you "his tone was condescending, i was fuming. I got up from the chair and walked out.

Donnie followed me in his wheelchair, he was starting to shout "what the fuck do you want kid, you don't want to be alone i offer to give you a kid, you want to work i offer to get you something, i cant fucking win. Its fucking me off"

"You have had a really hard time lately so im going to let you think about what you said and then you can apologise" i was talking calmly, i sounded calmer than i really was.

A mean laugh left him "me apologise to you, your joking. you don't appreciate anything i do for you. All you do is bitch and im fucking sick of it. If it wasn't for me you would still be sliding up and down that pole like a whore"
Donnie and I had never had a real fight like this, it was totally new territory for us. We had been married under a month, surely arguments to this extent started later in a marriage.

"if thats how you feel i can leave" i spat.

"go then, now" he yelled. i hadn't expected this , i thought we were just having a marital argument how did it go downhill so fast. He didnt have to tell me twice, i was proud i wouldn't stay where i wasn't wanted. i grabbed my bag, Roxy and my keys then walked out of the house.

Part of me thought I would be gone for good.

NEXT CHAPTER WEDNESDAY 9AM