Shadow Rider (Vampire Academy Fanfic)

Chapter 23 - Thanatia

The guardians at Court were predictably disappointed that the raid had taken place without them. Worst of them all was Ash, who complained about all the scenarios he'd dreamed up... that now wouldn't happen - scenarios of him allegedly saving me from Strigoi in battle. As if I'd ever need saving.

Taking heed of Branwen's warning, I suggested to them that we plan another spy mission and raid, but none of them were willing. They were worried that the Strigoi would want to retaliate. They wanted to wait for that to happen, before we attacked again. It was ridiculous, but that was how democracy worked.

The following weeks were uneventful. I kept up with the training, Casimir kept up with the magic lessons. In the end, I requested to become a teacher for the novices. News of the raid had spread across the Royal Court; I became a kind of legend. I increased Trey's training to two sessions a day. Mia, the water user, even requested to be trained by me. Ash was constantly around me, no matter what I did, no matter where I went. I was incredibly busy, but not busy enough to notice Casimir's echoing absence.

He was always with the Moroi, the royal ones, the spirit users, the Queen, and...Jenny. They had exclusive Moroi dinners, exclusive Moroi parties, exclusive spirit sessions...I barely saw him anymore.

I finally decided to take Rose's advice. I was going to confront Casimir. I sent him a text, asking him to come meet me in our - well, my - room. Casimir had moved into his own room, so he could have his private little dates with the redhead.

He knocked on the door. When I admitted him, he gazed at me cautiously, taking a seat when I offered him one.

'You wanted to talk?' he asked, inviting me to explain.

'Yes.' I took a deep breath. 'I want to know what's going on between you and that...woman.' I grimaced.

'She has a name,' Casimir said, his tone cold.

Instantly, I was fuming. 'Oh, does she?'

'You might as well get used to it, you know. We're pretty serious.'

In his mind, I got a flash of what he really meant. I gaped.

'What, you'd actually consider marrying her?'

He shrugged. 'It's worth considering, at least. It would help form a good position here at Court...would make me one of them.'

'What? Are you crazy? This isn't the Middle Ages. We don't marry to form political alliances!'

'I'd do that and plenty more to ensure that my kind survives.'

'But it wouldn't even be about love-'

'It doesn't have to be,' he interrupted. 'I can't seem to love anyone anyway. But if I choose to marry someone, I'll do everything I can for that person. I'd love her, be loyal, do everything right.'

I shook my head in pure disbelief, my blood turning ice cold.

'You're twenty-three. Not eighty, you idiot. Nearly nobody finds "love" at this age. You're in a hurry? Fine.' I practically spat the words, so angry I was about to burst. 'Marry someone mediocre who doesn't even deserve you. Actually? If that's all you can do for yourself, then it's all you deserve. But don't expect me to conciliate you when you realise you've made a terrible decision and regret it. It's gonna be on you, and you'll have to deal knowing I tried to stop you - for your own good - but you didn't listen because you're so desperate to become one of these people.'

'I'm not desperate,' he said in disgust.

'The hell you aren't. Why are you so afraid to be different, to be apart from them? Branwen was right, we aren't them. They'd never come to our aid, so why the hell should we help them, when they're doing everything in their power to reject that help? If they're so stupid, let survival of the fittest do the work and wipe them out.'

Casimir's eyes turned cold. 'You can be really hateful, you know that?'

'Really?' I sneered. 'That's no news, Cas, and you know it.' I formed a fist with my hand and held it at my side, trying to control the churning rage within me. 'I'm not here to be nice to you, to baby you and suck up to you, or pretend to like you while I talk shit behind your back. I'm not a Moroi, I'm not a royal, I'm not interested in politics. I have two jobs: one is to keep you alive and safe and the other is to ensure you don't lose your shit and go insane. That's my job. I don't care about the American vampires. I care about you and only you, but now I barely even get to see you. You're always with the Queen, or the other spirit users or that gingerhead. We've been locked up in this posh hellhole for far too long, and I've had it with this place.'

'What?' Casimir asked, shock suddenly clouding his features, wiping away his earlier cold anger. 'You're leaving?'

I looked away from him, not wanting to meet his eyes.

'Yes.'

'But you can't-'

'I can,' I interrupted. I turned around, brushing my hand over my sheathed katana on the table. I sighed, finally deciding I had to tell him.

'Branwen called.'

Casimir took two long strides and planted himself in front of me. 'Why? What did he want?'

'He gave me an ultimatum,' I said, still avoiding eye-contact. 'Either they come for us, or I...have to conduct the missions here on site.'

He frowned, eyes flicking from my one eye to the other, unable to settle.

'What bloody missions?' he demanded, grabbing my wrist.

I shrugged. 'The usual. Killing Strigoi. That's what I have to do if we're to stay here.'

'And...' he searched my eyes, 'are you going to do it?'

'I don't have a damn choice, do I?'

Casimir let go of my wrist, taking a step back.

'You don't have to do that,' he said in a milder voice, looking worried.

'Are you kidding me? I want to do it. I've been longing to kill things on my own ever since we set foot on this putrid land. Branwen's order is a gift, and I'm taking it.'

'Natia, you...I don't think you should,' Casimir murmured in a placating voice.

'Don't care. I need this, and I'm going right now. Don't try to stop me,' I snapped, shooting him a warning look.

Casimir looked...displeased, but said nothing, simply regarding me thoughtfully as I walked out of the room.