Shadow Rider (Vampire Academy Fanfic)

Chapter 53 - Thanatia

I had my misgivings about initiating a talk with Casimir at a time like this. After all, he'd been the one acting unfairly the past few days. It had been unfair to me - that much he must have known. Still, I wasn't the kind to hold a grudge for the sake of it; it was childish and stupid, and soon none of this drama would matter anyway. There was just no way we could be victorious tonight without a sacrifice. And I was more than willing to play my part.

So I approached Cas, maintaining a boldness in my stride so as to prevent him from running away from a conversation that indeed was inevitable that we have.

Casimir straightened his shrunken posture when he saw me, schooling his features into an impenetrable mask of outwardly indifference. It stung a little, but I knew better. Especially because his eyes seemed to brighten when they met mine.

I planted myself before him, hands on my hips. 'Spare me the act,' I said right away, subjecting him to a penetrating gaze. 'It's a waste of strength,' I continued. 'And we don't have the time for it, anyway.'

Casimir's eyes hardened, and he inhaled as if preparing himself to launch into a tirade wherein he'd prove me absolutely right. Instead he paused, looking uncertain and confused, before sighing deeply, his posture and emotion deflating before my eyes.

I scrutinised him, noting the dark circles under his eyes, his ghostly pallor, his tired stance. He couldn't have slept much last night. Guilt began to creep up along my spine, but I dismissed it, rather forcefully. I had no reason to feel bad for keeping out of his head - I had to. Or I'd never gotten the chance to experience my own life.

But that didn't mean we couldn't forgive each other and move on. I was just opening my mouth to be the bigger person when Casimir interrupted me.

'I've been a proper bum lately, haven't I?' Casimir said, his mouth twisted in an unhappy smile.

This course of conversation surprised me so much that I burst out laughing, though quickly hid my amusement behind a cough. Casimir smiled at my reaction, chuckling a bit himself, and just like that, the tension between us melted away.

I nodded a little dazedly, not knowing what to say. 'You've not really been yourself,' I settled for.

Casimir shook his head bitterly. 'There's no excusing it,' he insisted. 'I've been selfish.'

I didn't answer. Instead I took a step forward, slipping easily into his arms. We remained like that for quite some time, taking comfort in our friendship and our history. Because truly, it takes time to truly get to know someone, but even after being friends so long, any pairing can argue or fight, and the defining part isn't the fight itself, but how you recover from it. That shows you a friendship is truly worth it.

Casimir touched his forehead to mine. We remained like that for a moment.

'I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately, Natia.' Casimir's voice was filled with regret, devoid of any anger or irritation. He could have explained his behaviour, he could have excused it, saying he'd felt unhinged lately, that it was the darkness causing it, but Casimir refrained from any such thing. His apology burned heartfelt between us, and I clasped his hands in mine.

'All is forgiven,' I whispered. 'We are bond-mates - it's you and I until the end. And I fear this may be the end of both of us.'

Casimir nodded solemnly, his eyes intent on mine. 'Always your humble servant, ma'am,' he said, echoing a joke of the past. I smiled at him, endlessly happy to be on good terms with him again. Then I sighed, glancing behind me at Ash, who stood among the others, discussing vividly. He had his back tactfully turned, offering us some privacy.

Casimir sensed my thoughts. 'What becomes of Ash?'

Sadness made my throat feel tight. 'He lives on,' I managed. 'He's a survivor.'

Casimir pulled me into a tight embrace, and we remained like that for a long moment, savouring in the contact and connection. He would always be a part of me, as I'd be a part of him, indeed until the end.